Trying to be everything to everyone and falling short?

[Muse84]

I think I just need a slap

Ds1 is 6 months. EBF and won't take bottle so I'm already quite tied to him.

Just came back from a social gathering (flying solo as DH away) and I'm physically and mentally exhausted.

Overriding everything is a desire to make sure ds is happy and content. I'm much more of an attachment style parent than I ever thought i'd be and if I'm being honest here, I was a harsh, unfair critic of friends who were (silently). It's awful, but it was tied up in feelings of abandonment from great friends (oh the selfishness of childlessness!) and also because I am a very no nonsense pragmatic person, so I basically decided that I was going to be that kind of parent. I would still be the same, go out, leave him with family cause he's going to be so independent etc. Etc, Ha. I was the best parent before I was actually a parent.

So feelings I am currently consumed with:

• I held ds1 too much and everyone there thought it. He should be more independent (this arose when kind people offer to hold him for me. I did pass him over to people but he was massively overtired and wouldn't last long). Whenever someone offers to take him when he's crying I'm paranoid they see how stressed I am. And therefore a bad mother or at least one who hasn't got her shit together.

• ds is a physically active live wire, I love it but it's exhausting.... I am concerned that everyone thinks he's a real handful, perhaps one I've created due to my over attentive parenting style. (I know this is insane, he's a little baby). Some women at the end even remarked on how good he was!!!

• I have no chat now other than baby stuff.

• I couldn't fully catch up with everyone due to being distracted by ds. I found that very stressful, especially as sleep deprivation takes away my words.

• I make jokes to friends I know about parenting being crap (think unmumsy mum type thing), then I get paranoid they think I hate being a mum (I love it). I worry i overstate the bad things, also to provide balance to those "my baby sleeps through/is so "good" type of statements done people make

• I'm simultaneously worried ds isn't socialised enough (he really is) and also that he's socialised TOO much (sensory overload st busy hectic daytime party).

• sadness at leaving the get together early - I miss my old social life and also relief at being home with my beautiful boy.

I think it boils down to worrying people will think badly of me (she's so stressed, she's too tied down by her baby, no fun anymore, she's creating a little monster, she needs to leave him at home more) and also worried I'm doing it all wrong (parenting!) and that my son isn't happy.

God help me

As a result of today's stress I had no food except for breakfast (it was a BBQ!) very little water, and by the time I was home this evening I was shaking a little!

I should balance by saying I don't have pnd and I have a fantastic husband, friends, support network. I just want to stop feeling so judged (and I'm sure I'm not! It's just I was so judgy before) and above all I want to do right by my son. Such a whirlwind of emotions!

Aibu, do I just need a slap?!

Sorry, I just thought what you said seemed a bit like things are only difficult if you're highly educated and a perfectionist.
Obviously now that you've explained the link you're referring to it makes more sense!
So I do apologise for coming across very rude!

Don't worry your putting baby first and trying your best it will pay off.... I have an 18 month old dd that's exactly all of the above except bf she was ff! Clingy little toddler that screams mumma mumma if I go out of sight until she finds me again and you know what.... I wouldn't have it any other way. Parent how you want and don't worry about anyone else at the party !!!!
Your doing a great job

I certainly wasn’t suggesting that it only happens to such women, no, not at all. It was the overthinking and high degree of analysis in the OP that made me think perhaps OP was used to approaching things in a very intellectual manner, and so I thought it might be helpful to mention that it can exacerbate feelings of loss of control, potentially leading to anxiety. Certainly that’s what I was told by GP and various medical professionals.

"Independent"???? At 6 months??? What are these people thinking???

YANBU - don't worry OP

Okay, well I'm very sorry for my overthinking and jumping to conclusions about what you said!
Let's just say it's been one of those days! So excuse me from jumping down your throat

Thanks Wonky! Could probably have worded it slightly better. Hopefully OP has gone for a nice rest.

I mean I could have worded it better, just to be clear. Jings, this internet lark is hard!

Thanks again everyone. This is why I love MN, a great sounding board and source of support. Always good to realise you're not necessarily alone in your thoughts and actions!

Fascinated, I think you hit the nail on the head. I am an over thinker, and to be honest I was like this pre-baby, particularly in work (don't want to mention job as too outing!) But I guess when I was working, I had some (physical and mental) respite during evenings and weekends.

Narwhal, thanks for offer of support. Definitely a little OCD and control freakery here, but I nothing too significant (I think!)

Thank goodness I have a calm, extremely rational and supportive DH!

Hope you managed to get some sleep.

You are doing amazingly. You are a good mum.

Thank you, I did and some cake!

Welcome to being a mum! You have realised that society's message is that a mother's place is in the wrong. If your baby is fretful or clingy, it's your parenting style. Attachment parenting is wrong, going back to work is worse, whatever you do someone will judge you, and you have already internalised this. Even though actually what they are probably thinking is 'muse looks well, isn't her baby adorable. What a lovely mum she is. I remember when mine were that age/ I hope I have a lovely baby soon'.