To make my child do extra curricular activities?

[Allthatglittersisgold]

I have a 12 year old boy. His only real interest is playing the playstation. He has confidence issues and is very self conscious. He has got a few close friends and with encouragement will go out to play football etc but mostly just wants to sit on his playstation. He goes to 2 clubs, 1 is a martial arts class and 1 is a tennis club. He is really good at both and after classes always comes home excited and happy with the compliments he gets from the coaches. He is desperate to stop going to both though saying he finds them 'embarassing' and that he couldn't care less about becoming a black belt. He moans and sighs everytime we go to them yet always comes home so happy. AIBU to make him continue?

For perspective:

1. each club is an hour a week so only 2 hours altogether
2. he has been going to both for 3 or 4 years now
3. I have let him quit sports in the past but usually it was quite early on and he had other clubs anyway

Could I be making him more self conscious by making him continue? I was hoping these clubs would actually improve his confidence.

Difficult. I was a bit keen with DC1. Subsequent DC have been a bit left to their own devices, and have given up everything useful. I have no idea which is better.

What does he find embarrassing about it? Both sports are frequently played by children & adults of all ages, especially Tennis

YANBU. Both my kids are a lot younger but they know that they must do extracurricular activities and this is non-negotiable. Admittedly I would probably find that harder to enforce with an older child. There is more to life than school and computers. Sports give you transferrable skills that you simply don’t learn in the classroom.

Everything is embarrassing when you are 12. If it wasn’t that it would be something else embarrassing.

I think I would make it a condition of PlayStation time, that he gets some socialising and v important exercise a couple of times a week.

I don't get whats embarassing either but he just says he gets embarassed everytime he tells his friends hes away to his club. I think they tease him because his friends arent really involved with any clubs. They all sort of live for the playstation. I know other kids in his class do football, swimming etc though.

I’m kind of with you on this one, but my DD is much younger (5). She does a couple of activities she is really good at and enjoys, but she does whinge about going sometimes. I remind her of the good bits (seeing particular friends, a performance twice a year on stage which she loves...) but she still asks me to cancel occasionally. I’m going to make her stick it out for a bit longer because I regret my mum not sending me to more out of school clubs. I would say though your son is probably old enough to decide for himself by now. If he isn’t bothered about progressing then he will probably start not trying and it would become a waste of money/time all round. Maybe let him give up one for now, and stick the other one out for another 6 months or so.

My DDs whinge too before going at times. Doesn’t matter, they go and, like your son, usually have a good time and like being able to progress at the activities. I’m not a harsh parent at all but I have a hard line on this.

YANBU

With some clubs I'd say that the child should have total free choice over whether they were interested in continuing.

But not with physical activity. UK state schools providing such minimal sport combined with 21st century children having so much screen time makes extra curricular exercise non negotiable in my opinion.

In other countries all children have 'their sport's that they go to after school as an integral part of the culture. They also have fitter, slimmer, happier children (on average).

12 is prime age for dropping clubs, and a lot of kids in their late teens comment that they wish they had kept up clubs they did when they were younger. I don't think YABU to make him continue tbh although I know lots will disagree. Maybe suggest he drops one and keeps the other one up as a compromise?

I agree with the person who suggested that attendance should be a condition of time on his Playstation.

Or alternative activities.

I don't think YABU for insisting that he goes. As long as you are happy that he enjoys them. If he says he doesn't, get him to choose something else instead.
I think though I would reconsider my pov if DS did several clubs/activities at school, such as Art Club/volunteering/football. As long as one of these was exercise based.

i agree with pp that You should make PlayStation time conditional on him doing another activity. He gets to choose what. my DS is younger but sound a similar type of child loves his console and being indoors. I have told him I want him to do something active, he currently swims but if he wanted to give that up he would have to come up with an alternative.

My son has occasionally asked to give up his activities, he spends much longer per week than your son though. I don't let him because I think it's essential to have friends/acquaintances outside of school. Imagine how awful it would be if he fell out with those boys online? With no back up circle of friends? Why don't you discuss some 'comebacks' with him so he has some answers ready if he feels he being teased? I often say to my son, 'oh, is so and so online AGAIN poor boy never goes anywhere' It's sunk in and he uses it himself now.