Being in paid employment is *not* what makes me a grown up.

[bigmouthstrikesagain]

I have recently started a job. I have been a sahp for many years, I have been volunteering and training in the field I have now got a job in for 4 years.

Being really happy to be getting a wage again I have told people about the news. Lots of lovely supportive messages and comments from people. I have noticed a couple of people use the phrase "being a grown up" as in now I am working, this is what being a grown up is. I don't view it that way. Particularly as I have had to do many hours of training, volunteering, course work etc to be employed in this sector. So I feel pretty strongly that I was grown up even when I was unpaid. I have been busy and have responsibilities, none of which came with a wage.

I am not really affronted, I doubt they meant anything critical. But it does make me wonder - being "just a sahm" has often been something I felt I had to apologise for. As if it wasn't enough, that I was infantilised by that status. It is great to earn a wage but I wasn't spending my years as a sahm watching daytime TV and making beds, and if I had I would still be a grown up! When I got my first job I was pretty naive and ignorant about the world - still grown up, but life experiences not wages made me more mature.

I have not become a grown up this week, I was a grown up the last 14 years as a sahp and all the years since I turned 18.

Being a SAHM is an honourable endeavour. You are bringing up the next generation with your values. The fact that you are not beiing paid makes it more valiant.
Don't listen to the critics, no-one ever erected a statue on honour of a critic.

What an odd thing to say. I'd understand if it was your first job after uni (very early twenties) but not at your age!

I don't think they were being deliberately critical, just expressing their own internalised misogyny (both women, both parents). It was just interesting that those comments made me question what they were thinking, and why I had felt conflicted before about my economic "inactivity".

" own internalised misogyny "

Bit of a leap although nice to see where you want this thread to go so early on.

Perhaps they think you're childish and that having a job will lead to maturity.

You may be correct 'followUs' but I still think my opinion/ thought process is valid. I don't think my job will fundamentally change me as a person so if I am childish now I will remain so. I can fake being grown up enough to get a job so I am at least credible as a functional adult. I don't have a direction in mind for this thread - I was working out how I felt about what where throw away comments. I recognise my ambivalence about being a sahp as at least in part misogyny but other opinions on this obviously exist and are valid - I may not agree with them - and other folk will think I am talking bollox.

It's just a comment, it wouldn't annoy me or most people I know.

A job does represent growing up as such, it shows a work ethic, reliability, being financially responsible for oneself and family etc.