Please help abusive DH

[Vanilliabeansprinkles]

I just need your opinions on this. I’m in the process of leaving an abusive marriage.

Been married for 8 years and and now that I’ve learnt what abuse is, i realise he has been emotionally abusive from the beginning. We lived at his mums for 18 months during that time he made me sleep on the floor, no mattress just couple of quilts he was sleeping there too. I slept on that floor during my whole pregnancy, I would beg him to buy a bed but he would refuse and say the room was too small, it was like a box room. I wasn’t allowed to have a phone, he said he couldn’t afford for me to have one, but he would cheat on me and I find out he used to send the OW money. He would sometimes lock me in the house and say he was afraid that some of the drug dealers in the area “would break into the house”, when I finally could afford it I bought a phone and he got upset and said I shouldn’t have done it without his knowledge.

During the 8 years he has

Thrown stuff at me
Cheated on me several times
Would give me curfews and would be upset if I came home late
Pushed me about when I was pregnant
Locked me in the house
Would call me names
Insult my family
Would take my card and leave me with no access to money, with the DCs in the house
I would get paid and he would sometimes take my money

I have

Thrown a glass at him when I found out he cheated on me in anger
Slapped him when he refused to give me my card
Threw his phone against the wall when I again found out he cheated on me and in all that time I was begging him to buy me a phone but he refused, and that was when I found out he was sending money to the ow.

I’m really ashamed of what I’ve done and I have a lot of anger and resentment towards him, when I called women’s aid I told them that I was in an abusive marriage and I needed to leave, I never told them what I did to him. Am I wrong for this?

Would you think this is a case of “ you’re both as bad as each other? “

Thanks

Stop it! That's the Little Him in your head taking!

You need to really believe that nobody would give a flying fuck about a broken phone and slapped face when the supposedly injured party has been the kind of outright shit your almost ex is - nobody!

Stop considering him and get on with making life far more pleasant for yourself and your DC.

Good luck!

On this forum I learned about the book ‘why does he do that - pdf’ google that for the book online. Read that.

All of your “bad” behaviour was truly justified in my book. Never, ever feel guilty for being angry at having been so horribly abused. Now, put that anger to constructive use. Escape. Dump. Forget.

Thank you. You're right, I do feel guilty, but there's so many things he's done that I feel so embarrassed to talk about, never told anyone this but when we use to go out and eat in a restaurant, he had to order for me if it was a waiter and not a waitress because he didn't want me to speak to any men.

And he would also demand that I give him full body massages lasting 20-40 mins, when I would refuse sometimes he would sulk and blackmail me.

2 weeks after giving birth to my first DS he asked for a massage, and I had to sit there sore and everything and give him a massage.

Please seek help from woman's aid to leave.

Reading this made me feel so sad, no I don’t think you are bad as one another. As Bitter said your behaviour was fully justified, I’m 99% sure that I would flip if someone was treating me the way he treats you.

Have you made any plans to leave?