To find this quite bad taste?

[Pimmsoclockpls]

Chatting with young work colleague about property (we are both mid 20s, live in London) and mentioned that I'd be looking to buy in a few months. I'm in a good job but would be receiving significant financial help from my parents so obviously very lucky.

Colleague's grandfather sadly recently passed away (was in 70s) and her grandmother is doing very well health-wise and is younger, perhaps early 70s. FWIW my parents are actually late 60s/early 70s but in incredible health and look like theyre in their 50s - we all hope they have a good 20/30 years left and I see no reason why not.

Anyway, I digress, colleague basically said she was hoping to buy in the next few years, essentially she is waiting for her grandma to do in order to be able to! She is close to her grandma but said quite bluntly, while it is sad, it'll happen one day and will enable her to buy property. She seemed to be fairly certain it was going to happen in the near future which shocked me as my parents are similarly aged and I certainly don't see it as likely they will die anytime soon! God forbid.

Aibu to hope the grandma lives to a ripe old age???

She probably didn't mean she hopes her grandma dies soon, just that she is not in a rush to buy because she knows that in due course it will be made possible by inheritance from her grandmother. I've heard this before from English friends where small families make it inevitable. Wouldn't work in my family where past generations had 8-12 children and 5p to leave between them.

My parents are the same age and I know it is frightening to hear of people that age dying, so I totally understand why you didn't want to hear her say it out loud.

Reminds me of a line in this song by Steve Coogan - (which is also in poor taste - are they related?!)

It might be something granny has said to her directly. Not your business.

OP if you didn't have parents in a position to help you would be in the same position as your friend. Buying a home in London mid 20's is a huge deal. You do come across as smug and entitled.

Well I see your point op but to ‘be floored’ by it sounds a bit dramatic.

If you are as close as you say you are I think it’s a pretty ok thing to say to you but obviously in confidence.

My mum has altzimers and to be honest I hope very much she dies peacefully soon. She’s just starting to forget who we are and is becoming nightly incontinent. She would hate this as she saw her mother suffer this way. Her death would also release my dad to live his life as he’s razor sharp and is getting dragged down by caring for her.

Attitudes to death differ. I think it’s best to go when you start to loose your faculties maybe this work colleague thinks so too and I’d just being practical about the financial side of it too.

She is counting her chickens before they hatch. If her granny needs long term care, some high-care nursing home can be £1500 or more a week. There may not be much money left in her granny needs care for a long time.

She quite clearly didn't say she was waiting for her grandmother to die and it's thoroughly obnoxious to suggest it. She was telling you she will inherit when her grandmother passes and it's likely to be in the next few years, nothing wrong with that.

I also suspect you were bragging and instead of getting her env back she just said me too and now you're pissed off.

Grow up. It's not a competition to see who can get the most out their family members.

Let's hope her grandmother leaves her estate to the local cats home!

I agree with KitKat with medical advances people are living much longer and it's quite often the case that an elderly person's assets are used entirely for their care in a home.

It would be foolish to plan a future around the expectations of a large inheritance.

That said, with the absurdly inflated house prices it's a joke that you or you colleague, presumably working full time, can't afford to consider buying without a significant leg up from your families.

I'm aware some people think this way about their inheritance, but I don't think it's the most attractive mindset. It's not inappropriate to briefly mention to a friend that your parents are helping you with a deposit. My best friend has been offered a significant sum from her parents towards a house and, although my friend knows I have significant housing issues, I was not offended that she mention it to me. We're friends and so I tried my best to talk to her about the pros and cons, the money offer has a few stipulations.

Some families skirt around the whole death and inheritance thing. Others deal with it more practically and openly. Your friend sounds like the latter. Maybe the grandma is talking about herself not having long to live and has told your friend details of her will?

On a side note, several of my grandparents lived well into their 90s. The last one to die was close to 100. She had been talking about dying since I was little - so a good 30/40 years. Your friend might have a long wait!

Her grandmother might have told her that she'll be leaving her some money and that she hopes she'll use it to help her buy a home (rather than frittering it away.).
It's exactly the sort of thing a grandmother of mine might have said.

My own mother said more often than I could ever count - usually after we'd been urging her to spoil herself a bit - 'I'm only saving it for you lot!'

I don't think it's at all 'vulture-ish' to hope or reasonably expect to be left something, that is in families where they don't all hate each other/are at each others' throats. But I don't think it's 'done' to talk about it to outsiders.

I agree with others who have said that discussing your help from your parents was in pretty poor taste. Saying she would have to wait until her grandma dies is just a reflection of the fact that she hasn't got a bank of mum and dad to go to.

I have a pretty black sense of humour and have been known to make comments about being able to afford to buy a bigger house once I have got my parents under the patio. I am actually pretty much NC with my parents and stand to inherit fuck all. Luckily most people realise that for all my dislike of my parents, I am not actually planning to murder them, and nor do I really wish them dead any time soon.

I think it’s a bit tasteless to talk about waiting for an inheritance before you buy a house. It’s also not a given that there’ll be a big inheritance, as pp have mentioned, care costs can eat up a potential inheritance.

I’ve heard similar though. I had a colleague a few years back, who’d bought a house on an interest only mortgage. The subject of paying interest only mortgages came up one day, and she said that she was planning to pay off the capital with the inheritance she’d get from her parents. She was only in her mid 20’s too, so her parents can’t have been all that old.

I dunno, people can be frank about these things. I'm expecting a fair amount when my grandfather dies (so my mum has told me), and I can't say I haven't thought about what I'd do with it, but that doesn't mean that I'm wishing he'd hurry up and go, either!

Did you think she was being frank, or did you think she was being callous? Big difference between the two. Same as when you told her about the help from your parents; were you passing on a confidence, or were you boasting? One is acceptable, the other not so much.

Reminds me of a brilliant (true) story. A lawyer in France set up an arrangement with an old lady whereby he would pay her mortgage till she died, on the condition that he would inherit her house. She lived for another 30 odd years, to over 100. He ended up paying more than it would have cost him to buy a house outright. Then he pre-deceased her. Horribly unlucky for him, but I guess she was laughing

The idea of discussing my finances with work colleagues, or even friends for that matter, is just a complete no no, as far as I'm concerned. It's nothing to do with anyone else. I can't imagine how the subject would even come up when at work.