To be fed up with DM's constant FB messages

[mrsmistymountains]

Some background info: I've moved to the UK 3 years ago, DM lives in my homecountry 1200 miles away and we have a somwhat tense relalationship; I grew up in a very crappy enviroment with alcohol and domestic violence, she always prioritised men over me, and as a result of this, I get very bitter and frustrated with her over very small things. I have tried confronting her about our shared past but she is in complete denial and pretends we're best mates and that I am the light of her life.

When her last husband left her, she became completely emotionally dependent on me (as my brother wants nothing to do with her), leaving me to eventually move to the UK with my DP to get a break as she was wearing me down.

I am atm keeping up the "everything is good" act, partly because she has minimal impact on my life with the distance but mainly because I feel bad for her knowing that she has absolutely no one else. No friends or other family apart from her own mother.

She messages me maybe 30-40 times a day on FB asking me how I am, sends me lovey-dovey messages, gets frustrated when I don't reply because I click on the messages and ignores them, and gets upset when I only reply half-heartedly.

Since last night at 10pm, she's sent me the following messages (in our native language):
"Have a lovely evening, say hi to DP from me (she's never met him!), love you my beautiful princess xxxxxx"
10 mins later:
"You're meant to say 'you too mum' ;) "
this morning:
"Good morning darling, are you working today? xxxx"
10 mins later:
"I can see you're online lol"
just now
"what are you doing?"

This will go on until the rest of today until I reply. It's driving me nuts. I'm pregnant and I dread her meeting my child, her first granddaughter.

My mother is not well, struggles with depression and her physical health has been deteriorating as well so I feel terrible knowing she only has me to talk to so AIBU to cut her off on FB or what do I do? I've tried going NC but I feel too guilty after 2- 3 days and end up messaging her back.

Not sure what I am really asking here, I guess I just needed to vent. Sorry for the long post!

Have you told her the constant messaging is just far too over the top? It's time to set boundaries. Tell her you are only going to respond a max of once a day, and it might need to be every other day depending on how busy you are. Next, you need to turn off the online indicator in Facebook so she won't see that you're on.

Perhaps it does make it worse for her when she sees your online and not replying. Can you not go on to the app unless you have time to reply? Or tell her you hate messaging and will ring her once a week? I bet you've tried that though

I would tell her that you are closing your fb acc down as it is taking up too much of your time and you will ring her once a week.
Her dependency is not healthy and she needs to go out and make her own friends and life, she can’t live her life through you.
I couldn’t bear that level of intrusion every single day.
After a month or so of calling her, you can always give her the odd extra call to make her happy ( but don’t make a habit of it) and when you visit you can make a fuss over her then.
Close fb account and see if things improve.

She can't expect you to be online permanently ready to reply as soon as she messages, surely? You've got a life to live! someone else has said, once a day is quite enough. Still, as soon as she gets a new man, she won't have time for all this!

Mute the conversation on messenger. Reply at your leisure.
Seriously it's a life saver!

Turn off the online indicator and disable notifications from your DM. Check it when you want to - whole point of this sort of communication is convenience. It’s not convenient for you to be disturbed 30/40 times a day, once a day/every few days is sufficient.
waits to be told what a shitty daughter I am for suggesting OP set sensible boundaries

Sequencedress i did this with my mother for a month, it was lovely! Peace and quiet, my blood pressure went down

I thought you couldnt turn it off if you use messenger. Would love to be able too.

I turn people off on messenger. I've got a couple of habitual 'poppers' who don't stop pinging.

You can turn individual people off in messenger??? I need that. Attempting to make it look like I dont use it right now but changes to messenger arent helping!

Sorry o/p, I feel a bit sorry for your Mum, I am sure theres more to it all as you mentioned brother is nc with her.