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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel inferior..

11 replies

garfunkelthecat · 12/05/2018 12:00

...to other mums? I'm a mum of one child and constantly feel like I'm not a "proper" mum with only one child. Always see other mums with at least 2 kids taking them to loads of clubs and activities, hanging out with cousins, turning up to all the birthday parties all smiling and raring to go. My child is very much loved and looked after but I just don't feel like other mums look and therefore feel inferior somehow.

OP posts:
Elllicam · 12/05/2018 12:04

The thing is no matter what you do as a mum I think you’ll feel that other mums are doing it better sometimes. I have 3 kids and while I love them all I sometimes watch mums with 1 or 2 and see how much more 1-1 time they get, how they can give more to their children, how they have more time with their partners. There are positives and negatives with every family.

Singlenotsingle · 12/05/2018 12:11

When we have a baby, it comes complete with a guilt complex. Whatever we do we feel guilty. If we go back to work and putdc in nursery, we feel guilty. If we stay at home were depriving the child of a higher standard of living. In your case you feel guilty that DC has no siblings. A ddont feel inferior. I'm sure you do everything you can and it's a lucky dc

Laiste · 12/05/2018 12:17

Just been reading a big thread about having one child OP.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3245688-infertility-with-one-child-rant-trigger-warning

It's more about the infertility aspect to be honest, which i know isn't the main thrust of your OP, but lots of posters here are talking about feeling the 'one child' pinch.

TheresALight · 12/05/2018 12:19

I've got 2 DC and the main time I feel like a 'real mum' is when when someone else id's babysitting 1 of the kids so I can have 1 on 1 time with the other one! It's hard spending quality time with 2 children at once!

Laiste · 12/05/2018 12:21

If it's any help i'm an only child and both my parents were only's and so very few other kids in my family growing up. No cousins ect. I still had a happy childhood. Lots of school friends round all the time :)

TheresALight · 12/05/2018 12:28

I just re-read my post and think it could come across as a 'stealth boast' but that's not how I intended it sorry. I mean than, I often feel like my DC are being short changed because I'm too busy to spend any quality time with either of them.
I don't think anyone would think that they are superior to a one-child parent. It's swings and roundabouts on both sides.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 12/05/2018 12:28

Are these mums going to be keeping these children they want you to have. Don't think so.
I said from the start I didn't want anymore children after DD.

SerenDippitty · 12/05/2018 12:32

I think most people have something they feel inferior about. I feel inferior because I couldn’t conceive even one child!

Don’t worry about your child being an only though there are lots of positives. My DH was an only child and he had a very secure happy childhood.

RosyfingeredDawn · 12/05/2018 12:32

I know exactly how you feel. I often projected that they're smug mums with their perfect families especially with Facebook etc. I was quite unwell with pre-eclampsia and we reluctantly made the decision to stop at one. I took me a long time to resign myself to it and still had thoughts of another up until a few years ago.
My daughter is 15 (and I'm 48) and I'm happy with it now. She's a very well rounded, thoughtful, friendly, interested individual who other parents praise. I worry a little bit about when I get old and she's on her own. Concentrate on helping your child become the best they can and it will get easier. Once they're a bit older you only see the parents you want to.
Appreciate the lack of bickering which seems to be constant with young siblings.

Original poster
garfunkelthecat · 12/05/2018 12:44

It's not just about having just one child it's also other mums who all seem to be mates with each other, taking their kids to every sport club and activity, big family get togethers etc
That's just not me, I don't have any mum friends, other school mums don't talk to me either I just don't seem to fit in with other parents (I don't think I'm too weird but maybe I am!!)

OP posts:
Justwaitingforaline · 12/05/2018 12:52

I think the only child and not having mum friends are a separate issue. I know plenty of Mum’s with one child who have dozens of friends as well as mothers who have 3-4 kids who have none.

I’m in the one child, limited mum friends bracket and I’m okay with it. I don’t ‘fit in’ with the preschool mums ( age and wealth wise, very affluent area) so they don’t talk to me. It used to bother me but quite frankly, I wouldn’t want to be friends with them anyway - the only thing we have in common is that we have children and I can imagine play dates would be very dull Grin

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