Long time lurker, first time poster, please be gentle!
Ive posted this else where and was met with some very mixed replies, im wondering your thoughts.
I have 3 children, 15, 11, and 9, and im having issues with my eldest stealing food. My other two never take more than what is allowed by the house hold rules. He is given 3 meals per day. Every day. There are always snack foods available to him some fruits, cereal, toast, sandwiches, a few snacky bits, cake bars and such, theres also stuff in the freezer he can cook if he really wanted to but he never does, and other "crap" foods teens like as they are easy, supernoodles etc. He can take these as often as he wishes but not while m standing there cooking a meal. We have fizzy drinks available but these are limited to one glass per day, theres always cordial, hot drinks if he wants them, milk too. At the weekend he is given money to buy his lunch where he wishes and any snacks he wants. I also, one night a week let all three have a treat. So that could be a tub of ben a jerrys sized ice cream, which i encourage them to eat over the week, rather than in one go, or a bag of popcorn, what they want within reason. They lead active outdoorsy lifestyles. My 15 year old is always on the skate park, he will skate to the next city over with friends at the weekend to go to a better skatepark. None are over weight or unhealthy, they get lots of balanced freshly made meals - my partner is a chef so most is cooked from scratch. He has lots of freedom, lots of options with what he eats etc.
The only restrictions based on food are - i buy lunch box foods on a weekend for the entire week. I buy what we need, so one item of each thing for each child. So there'll be 15 of each items there in a tub that is just for lunches. All three children are aware what is for lunches and that this is off limits. Any extra, are placed into a different tub in the cupboard - these are allowed to be eaten though there arent many in there, its often empty as i try to buy pretty much what we need, as they are getting one per day. Its specifically food in one tub ive counted out though that is off limits. - Food that belongs to another person. So if one child eats all their ice cream, and another has half left, that ice cream is theres. - Food that is gifts, so easter eggs, selection boxes, birthday treats, party bag sweets etc etc. If that food was gifted to a child, its theres, not a free for all. They are the only restrictions.
My 15 year old takes EVERYTHING, his siblings easter eggs, he took 10 extra lunchbox items - in fact the reason i buy only what we need is because once over 40 chocolate biscuits went missing in 3 days and id bought a load whilst on offer. Any time theres ice cream. He doesnt just sneak a few, he will take whole boxes, he took an unopened pack of matchmakers his sibling got for christmas. Literally, anything and everything, he will take, with no consideration for who it belongs to. He takes it in the middle of the night when sleeping, or, on occasions i have to leave to drop the other two at primary before he leaves and he will take it them.
I have made food available for him, foods he has specifically asked for and chosen. I understand he is a teen and gets ravenous easily. But if this were hunger related, he would be reaching for a mixing bowl sized portion of cereal, not a cake bar. If its about sweet stuff, theres always nutella for toast or sandwiches, or again, cereal, to get the sugar fix. Its just, imo, greed. I punish him for it. Grounding generally as is life is skating, but removal of consoles, internet, extra jobs have all been tried. Ive spoken to him, at length, about why he takes them, and i just get met with i dont know, i cant help it, i try not to but i cant stop it. Hes even been in counselling for his impulsive behaviours but he wont participate so its pointless. Ive cried at him, i have been unemployed and money has been tight, when he took all the lunch stuff i literally couldnt replace them that week, i told him this, i was upfront and honest with him, and the next day he took more.
I dont think im being strict, i think giving him open access to snack type foods in the house, with a few restrictions, is pretty fair. Ive tried everything i can think of, but im just being told he is rebelling against tight rules, but i dont see how my rules are restrictive. Im not starving him, im not limiting his intake of food, i give him choice, i give him money to buy extra. Foods are of all kinds, they dont have he same boring meals every night, once a week he has his favourite pepperoni pizza. If he misses a meal time due to wanting to go out his tea is left to be reheated or when he gets home - though i do insist he is home for other meals where everyone is in.
Do you agree i have caused these issues by being controlling?