to accept the bare minimum?

[CremeDeLaCrap]

I'll try not to ramble too much.

I'm nearly 30, I have a DS (7).

I gave up training for a professional career after my MH problems became to much to cope with and I had a breakdown. I tried to return to training but couldn't cope - stopped showing up to classes, hid away from people and isolated myself.

Since then I have taken up full time work where I earn minimum wage and have fast learned that my face doesn't fit within the company and I have little chance of progressing any further. Despite this, I am a reliable and hard working member of the team and I know I am good at what I do. I enjoy the type of work and the working pattern suits me. Even when I feel absolutely shit and want to hide from the world, I can cope with going to work there in a way that I couldnt for the career I previously trained for.

I know this limits my quality of life; I'll never have a career or holidays or a new car but I get by and can put a roof over our heads. Partner is supportive but thinks its a shame I'm not willing to speak up and put myself forward for progression when I am so capable.

I feel like I have failed my family and myself by amounting to nothing but at the same time this seems like the least exhausting way to get by if I can just accept it instead of feeling like a failure.

It sounds like it is the perfect job for you atm.

There is a lot to be said for doing a job you enjoy and one you are good at.

You can always look to see what's around in future if you ever feel differently.

Looking back at your post - do you want to progress?

Op this paragraph

I feel like I have failed my family and myself by amounting to nothing but at the same time this seems like the least exhausting way to get by if I can just accept it instead of feeling like a failure.*

is the issue, you are putting so much pressure on to yourself by feeling you are not good enough/earning enough/feeling guilty.

STOP all those thoughts and replace them with, l am fine as l am/who cares if this work makes me happier than my previous career/l have the right to choose to live however l like/l am good enough.

Write them down stick them around the house say them to yourself in bed, for as long as it takes to challenge your negative thoughts and change them.

Stop caring whether or not your face fits, you know you do a good job, sod everything( and everyone else) these people are your colleagues not your friends.

From an outside point of view you have a good life, a child, supportive partner, job and home. Your issue is being far to hard on yourself and then kicking yourself when you don't meet your high achievements, which makes you ill.

Let the expectations beyond your current achievements go, really let it go and you will feel so much better.You are fine just as you are.

I enjoy the type of work and the working pattern suits me

What more could anyone want op. Your doing fab. Made it back to work. Enjoying life. It's not all about the money

Is it ok to ask op what your previous career aspiration was?

It's just that was it your dream or something expected of you by other people or family

It was something I thought I wanted to do but in reality the pressure of studying and practical assessment was too much. I have quite severe (but well hidden) anxiety and I just constantly felt shit.

I would like to progress where I am, I'm not sure how to make it happen though. I feel like I'm doing a good job, I work very hard and put alot of effort in and which seems to be overlooked. I'm not sure if I am actually any good or if I'm actually shit and just kept on because I bend over backwards to do extra to help out.

Had a bit of a cry today about it - there's a specific area of the work I'd like to learn more about and progress in. My colleague is very good in that particular area and has been promoted to reflect this which is great for him. When I asked him for some advice and for him to show me more about a new product so that I would be able to deal with it in his absence, he blanked me. I then overheard him telling another colleague he didn't trust anyone else to deal with it which just proves I'm not as capable as I feel sometimes.

Do you have a good manager op? As in, a manager that will listen to you if you ask to learn the things you are interested in? (Ignore colleague - he’s irrelevant)

Not really, I have tried to put myself forward before for a different progression.... a while later I was given extra responsibility but without the promotion and nothing reflected in my pay (it would be very very little difference anyway, its more the recognition that matters to me). This has made me feel used which I have brought up but was fobbed off.

I then overheard him telling another colleague he didn't trust anyone else to deal with it which just proves I'm not as capable as I feel sometimes.

Erm, no it doesn't, he didn't say "I don't trust Creme to deal with it", he said he doesn't trust anyone else, that means it's not personal to you, if it was someone else who wanted to deal with it, he wouldn't trust them either.

So, stop putting yourself down, your negative thinking is twisting things to reinforce your perception of yourself as not being good enough.

Could you get the same job working for a different company? If you're being used, and ignored for promotion, perhaps a change of company might help.

Also, you could benefit from some therapy, to get you out of your negative mindset.

Thanks Motoko I suppose I'm taking his comment more personally because I'm so keen on learning more about that specific area, more so than anyone else.

I have looked around for other jobs but there is little in my area that would suit me so well with regards to shift patterns etc. Its also nice that we are an independant company as opposed to a massive chain - something which I thought about when I applied.

I have had therapy before and it helped a bit but it takes a long time to grt a referral here.

Well keep looking, something better might come up. Being an independent business, doesn't necessarily mean they treat their staff better, and it won't do your self esteem any good if you feel you're being used and overlooked.

Also, try to get another referral for therapy, even if you have to wait a while, as I think it would help you, and the sooner you set the ball rolling, the sooner you'll get seen.

I feel like I have failed my family and myself by amounting to nothing

I so sympathise with that feeling. But you've done the opposite. You've been honest enough with yoruself and your current limitations due to MH, and have found the absolutely bets possible solution: work that suits you at this point in your life. You are contributing to the workplace and the family income. You are keeping unstressed so that you have energy and time for your family and your son. You truly could not be doing better than you are currently doing and I massively admire that.

As you get older, your MH issues may reduce a bit. Or other stresses may even out and you might feel able to up the pressure a bit more. There are a lot of people out there who underachieve due to MH issues. I'm one and it's taken until I'm fifty to stop feelingguilty about it and to think: this is what I can do. This is how I can contribute. this is what I can cope with. To know yourself that well when you're only in your thirties is a real blessing. Honestly - I admire your insight and your decisions.

I then overheard him telling another colleague he didn't trust anyone else to deal with it which just proves I'm not as capable as I feel sometimes.

Nope, it suggests more likely he is trying to make himself indispensable and protect his own job.

People who won't train others in their specialist area are often either protecting their own job security (so they're "irreplaceable") or don't actually understand what they're doing well enough to teach someone else.

Maybe keep looking around for other jobs. I know you said you value an independent over a chain - but there might be more chance for progression in a chain? More people above you moving on to new roles etc.