My husband is a shopoholic

[soworriedaboutcash]

When we met, he was £18000 in debt. He hid it for a while. When I found out, I managed to sort him out a payment plan. He was burying his head in the sand, I was a Bank Manager....so, it all got sorted and paid off via a soft bankruptcy (trust deed), which means he only paid off 10p for every £ owed.

Fast forward to now, and his buying is out of control. At least in my eyes. He disagrees. Parcels arrive almost daily. I have, this week started noting in my diary when stuff arrives, just to back up my story.

He buys tons of shit! For eg. Today a wet suit arrived. He hasn't dived for 10 years. Last month a gross ornament arrived that was £60. CD's arrive every single day.

Thing is, he is now often in his overdraft, so I have to pick up the slack. For eg, last month was his Dad's 70th. He's overdrawn, so the meal he was to treat his Dad to, I paid it. You'd think that would register? Nope, shit has been arriving all week. Had a massive row tonight, and I'm in the spare room.

He is 45! Fucks sake! He cannot see my point.

Will he listen to someone else besides you? A friend or family member? . I think you need someone else to show him he needs to face his problem. Is he depressed?

I had that too. Its awful. Sorry to not be more helpful.

There's no-one I could tell really :-(

He is going to spend his and your way straight into the poor house if you don't stop this NOW. This is a situation that very clearly needs an ultimatum. He stops throwing money away or you will leave him. He is an addict just like an alcoholic, and his behaviour will ruin you. Get a separate account for your money and do not give him one more cent to cover his debts.

Cut him off, refuse to pay for anything for him.
Maybe he needed the embarrassment of having to call up his father and tell him he couldn't take him out for the planned special birthday meal as he's thrown away all his money on useless shit.

As long As you bail him out like with his dad's meal he will have no need to acknowledge a problem. Does he have resporesponsibility for any of the household expenses? Is his spending affecting your joint bills?

Yes, shopping/spending IS a compulsion (apparently can be a major symptom of bipolar depressive disorder), he needs professional help, counselling, therapy, cbt (of course this may well as be a easy as getting blood out of stone).

I really don’t know what to suggest other than he seeks help, or you will be ending the relationship.

If he was buying genuinely needed or even really wanted (and would be used) stuff, it would be (to a point) understandable, but the fact he is buying a wet suit and hasn’t dived for 10 years makes me think it’s not WHAT he wants to buy, but just that he HAS to buy, something, anything.

My DH is similar, but newhere near your DH level, after many discussions, it seems it stems from an upbringing of feeling like he didn’t have enough and an absolute crippling fear of running out/goImg without.

*going

Oh Op why did you marry him knowing he was so bad with money?

This will end very badly if you do not stop his access to cash and get him to get some help for this addiction, he will take you down with him as a married couple l think you may be responsible for his debts.