Anxiety as New mum to playground politics

[Mamafox1]

This is my first time on Mumsnet, but I would really appreciate some advice as some of the mums in the playground I have allowed to make me feel awful - My son is top of his class and the youngest in the year, he is happy at school but I find the school politics horrendous - Some mothers look straight through me, others say hello one minute then not the next day - there is one who gossips and not to be trusted yet my son is friends with him. I dread the playground - I know I should be stronger and ignore it as it is so childish but it makes me feel sick to my stomach the competitiveness, the weird cliques, I am there for my son but it is taking its toll - my partner drops and picks up when he can - can you get people to collect and drop your children off as thinking that may be better - at a loss of what to do - can anyone advise me please?

Just time it so you sweep in and out. Anywhere women congregate can breed cliquey-ness. It's horrid so plan it so you're in and out quickly. Some parents are there 20 mins before their dc goes in or come out. There's no need. Turn up when school starts/ends and cherish your real friendships

Well it does exist to some extent, the trick is not to get involved with the moaning the bitching (by dads and mums) and the general angst. Smile, breezily say hello, if you are stood next to someone waiting for a few minutes exchange inane polite sociable conversation. They are your ‘colleagues’ not your friends. Occasionally you will hit it off with someone and it becomes a friendship, but you have to be grown up about it and not fall out if your DCs do.

bobstars What do you expect the teachers to do about this?!

School drop offs and pick ups can be completely chaotic. The reason you may perceive that people blow hot and cold is that they are distracted with kids etc. And please don't use the word clique. It's just a bunch of people who know each other a bit better than another bunch of people. Everyone's human. Everyone's fallible. Just say hello and be friendly.

Maybe speak to one of the mums of the boys your son gets on with. Who cares if she gossips, you don't have to listen to it. It would be helpful to your son to make some friends he sees outside school so for his sake it might be worth making an effort and would help you feel less awkward at the school gate if you know a few mums. If you have time you could join the pta as that is usually a good way to make friends.

Mamafox I could have written a very similar post to yours when my eldest started school. I felt physically sick every morning and afternoon with the anticipation/anxiety of seeing other parents. I felt like my shyness was going to ruin her social life. If other parents didn’t say hello to me I thought they hated me. And I did get my partner to do more drop offs so that I wouldn’t have to face it but that actually made it worse because I missed out on opportunities to get friendlier with other parents. Eventually I got over it! Like PP have said, it’s just dropping your kids off at school and not a cocktail party. And children are perfectly capable of making their own friends without me having to be a social butterfly and engineer anything. DD loves school and is friends with everyone.

My advice is to relax and not look at the playground as such a Big Thing. Don’t turn up expecting deep conversations and lasting friendships. If you happen to say hello/have a chat that’s fine but if not, just do the drop and go about your daily activities. You’re childfree for six hours!

If you can’t shrug off these feelings then it might be a good idea to see your GP about your anxiety.

They are your ‘colleagues’ not your friends.

I spent 23 years doing the school run and have 2 real friends from that. I never understand why women are expected to naturally be friends with other women who had a baby at the same time!