to expect my Mum to check in on me occasionally and phone or text me?

[papayasareyum]

She lives over 200 miles away but we visit fairly often (she rarely comes here)
When we speak during the week, it’s because I phone her. She never ever phones me. Ever. I never go more than a few days without a phone call to her, but after a week, she’ll act huffy and passive agressive because I’ve left it so long. But she wouldn’t dream of calling me. Or just sending a text. My siblings call her daily and live round the corner from her, so I expect I’m the black sheep, considered odd because I phone when I have something to say. Aibu to think she could put a bit of effort in and call once in a blue moon? Do your parents/ mums phone you?

My mother is like this - never calls me, and if I don't call for a few days, will pretend not to know who is calling. She calls my cousin all the time, because Z is apparently "the daughter she never had." She is in her 80s now, but has been like this for years.

My mum never phones unless ive specifically asked her to.
She lives abroad. I dont phone her as much as you phone yours... perhaps once a month?
I love her and id say our relationship is good.
In my case the low contact stems from her thinking of her mother. Her mother would ring her constantly even as a fully grown woman and stay on the phone for hours. She even kept trying to move close to my mum and briefly lived in the same house as her and my dad before I was born.
My mum absolutely hated this.... and so altho I used to be a little hurt by the low contact I now see its because my mum doesnt want in any way to be like her mum or be a burden on me. I know she wont ring because she hates the thought that I might speak to her out of duty rather than because I want to. She prefers it if I ring her because then she knows that I actually want to speak to her and am not annoyed by her call.

Several times a day but to update on really trivial things - it's hard to be patient sometimes with an update on a croissant etc

"I baffle my step mum because I can go weeks on end without speaking to my mum, whereas her adult daughters are all in touch with her and each other every day."

My MiL is like your stepmum: OH sees her / talks / texts / emails three or four times a day!!!
Mum and I might call or email each other four times a month - more if one of us has something they particularly want to say.
MiL lives "down the road":my Mum lives in a different country.
Both mothers are the same age. (over 80)

If she's 80 it might be that she thinks "Long distance calls are terribly expensive, and texts cost a lot as well".

I rarely ring my dd who is also 200 miles away. I used to, but she was usually busy/having to rush off somewhere. So I don't call now unless it's something important. She rings me a couple of times a week when she's walking to the train or has had an early night and we talk for 20 mins or so. Definitely, the reason I don't ring is because I don't want to bother her. We are both comfortable with that - I don't feel neglected. She's busy.

Dh's Mum is 85 and she rarely rings him for the same reason. She doesn't want to bother him. He's a bit rubbish at ringing her though so I have to poke him into it a couple of times a week. She doesn't have a mobile and I don't know many 85 year olds who do. (Maybe loads do, but I don't know of any)
Could it be this reason? She doesn't want to bother you so waits till you ring her, and have time to talk?

My mum never ever rings me. She texts me a few times a week but just a generic morning text. Only see them if we arrange it

I txt my adult sons once a week, and tend to check if they are free to talk before ringing. One ds is good at answering, the other is useless - unless he wants something!

They rarely ring me.

My F NEVER rings me. I've been testing it to see how long he will go, it's been a couple of years since he instigated contact. Tbf he does live with DM so will likely still feel involved to an extent.

DM rings me once in a blue moon, likely because she doesn't want to bother me. I ususllly ring her every 7-10 days. I see her EOW usually.

I think this is plenty, she'd like more.

My cousin rings her DM daily, which baffles me and sets unreasonable high expectations for my DM (her aunt). DM would LOVE to be contacted daily but I'm very private/independent and like my space.

My mother rarely calls me, she only seems to phone if she needs something doing like her prescription ordering or needs me to cut her hair. Even then, any chat is just small talk about the weather or if she's managed to dry the washing outside. I think it's a combination of not wanting to bother me and not really having anything to say.

I visit most weekends (they're local) but they never ever visit us. Even if it's one of our birthdays I'll get a call asking if one of us can drop by their house and pick up a card and present.

My mother in law lives 200 miles away and she and my husband speak twice a week, taking it in turns to call, and speak for quite a long time.

Me and my mum have recently got a much closer relationship and talk on the phone every week or so. In the past we went a year or so without speaking - we didn't fall out , my mum never rang me so neither did I. Late last year I found out my mum had cancer. She has since had chemo and a major op and has more chemo to come. This has made me reevaluate our relationship. She's not the easiest person to be around but she's my mum and I now realise that there are reasons why she is the way she is. She's had a hard life and has done the best she could in the circumstances.

My mum never rings unless there is a problem, and complains if I haven't rung her regularly.

Dh's mum rings like clockwork every Sunday afternoon.

Totally different women.

My mum is 83 and lives 230 miles away and rings me usually every other week and I ring her on the alternate week. Couldn't ring daily, what would we say to each other? We have a family what's app chat though which we both contribute to a few times a week and she texts if she has a question or emails. We also do words with friends most days as she loves that game. She usually visits a couple of times a year and vice versa.

My mum never calls me. She hasn't for the last 6 or 7 years, she has free evening and weekend calls. I get the occasional Facebook message although she knows I don't really like using Facebook all that much. She makes more of an effort now a I have a baby, so now she messages me about once a month to tell me how great my siblings are and to arrange seeing my daughter

My DD1 calls me once or twice a week on her way to or from work. My DD2 calls me most days, but she’s not currently working so I think has more time on her hands. Both text me regularly. Their late DF called them almost every day, but I never wanted to do that and my eldest found it very hard when he died. I think we have a fairly healthy exchange now but it’s taken some work to reach this position.

I have adult DCs. I don't ring them unless I have something definite to say because I don't want to make a nuisance of myself. But neither do I grumble that they haven't rung me.

Well, I'm a mum to 5 DD's aged 25-41. They all get what is known here as a "mummy call" from me once a week. Due to there being five of them it usually takes a whole evening and I love it! If they're out or busy they don't pick up - that's fine by me - at least they know I'm thinking of them. In between they will phone if they need help/advice or to let us know something important that has happened.Their DF rarely calls any of them himself unless it's something car or DIY related that they have specifically asked about in our calls as in "Please can you ask Dad what I should do about XYZ?" All this works fine for us but we are all close even though 3 of them are living and working away from our home town.
SO different from my own mother who I do call regularly and see once a week under sufferance and to avoid the hysterical phone calls I used to get from her when she decided that I had been remiss in my daughterly duties despite the fact that I am one of four. My stock reply is always "my daughters only have one mother but you have four children!" She is insanely jealous of my lovely relationships with my DD's but I have worked very hard to avoid being like her and make no demands on my DD's nor do I interfere in their lives. [I hope.]