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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Husband being rude?

7 replies

Foxysoxy10 · 11/05/2018 20:15

I don’t know if IABU and ultra sensitive or if my DH is the unreasonable one!

I have a couple of annoyances that I have been pulling him up on. I used to ignore it but as I have decided I don’t want to be talked/treated a certain way and I have been pulling him up on it. I have realised how much he actually does these things and feel like I’m constantly nagging.

If I ask him to do something he doesn’t want to do he will have a little huff like suddenly stop, make a dramatic intake of breath and roll his eyes then answer impatiently.

If I have done something he doesn’t agree with he pulls a face and has a knee jerk reaction of ‘you don’t want to do that, or you don’t need/want that’ etc

If I make a decision he will tell me how another way would be better which I’m sure sometimes it is but I would just like to do things my way occasionally even if it is harder or not as good as his idea.

I feel he always talks to me like he is on the back foot and always wants to be right rather than kind. He isn’t gentle or kind in the way he speaks to me with the tone and words being brisk and hard.

It’s got to the point he has started doing this in front of others.

I have asked him not to talk to me the way he is and pulled him up every time he has been rude/bulldozed me but it keeps happening and nothing I say seems to be making any sort of change.

I wonder if I’m just taking it to heart to much and should just be letting it go more. If it’s just something that is common when you have lived a longtime together and I should know he loves me.

Is it a ‘man’ thing and I’m just wanting him to talk to me a way girlfriends would speak to each other rather than a partner?

I know he loves me and he can be generous and kind in other ways. He will put himself out to help me with things/life in general but the way he is talking to me and acting like he is boss is beginning to really fuck me off!

So aibu and over dramatic?

OP posts:
Smeddum · 11/05/2018 20:18

I wonder if I’m just taking it to heart to much and should just be letting it go more. If it’s just something that is common when you have lived a longtime together and I should know he loves me

No, it’s not something common. It’s not at all common or indeed acceptable to make your partner feel the way he makes you feel.

Is it a ‘man’ thing and I’m just wanting him to talk to me a way girlfriends would speak to each other rather than a partner?

No, it’s not a ‘man’ thing, it’s a disrespectful arsehole thing.

No, YANBU and you’re definitely not being over dramatic.

Foxysoxy10 · 11/05/2018 20:32

Any suggestions of getting him to finally stop?
I have asked him not to talk to me that way and have now got to the ‘I’m telling you I don’t want to be spoken to that way, stop talking to me that way’ but it’s not stopping.

OP posts:
Smeddum · 11/05/2018 20:42

To be honest that response from him tells me he has no respect for you and no intention of changing.
You deserve better. Is leaving an option?

Foxysoxy10 · 11/05/2018 20:51

He has a bit of a paddy when I pull him up on it and does the ‘I didn’t do that, I didn’t mean that’ but then is always contrite and apologises.

It’s just like he can’t help himself and slips back into the being condescending towards me until I pull him up and the cycle repeats.

I really don’t want to throw away my relationship over this. It’s impossible to leave anyway even if I wanted that.

OP posts:
Foxysoxy10 · 11/05/2018 22:15

Anybody got any suggestions?

OP posts:
boomboom1234 · 11/05/2018 22:20

How do you speak to him OP? Does it go both ways? When I'm frustrated and feel that me and my husband are not communicating well to one another sometimes I step back and realise it goes both ways. Then I have an honest conversation with him and we both try to put kindness and respect top. I don't know your situation though so I could be way off. My husband does similar things at some points when he is tired or stressed - is this the root of it omit is it something deeper?

Prestonsflowers · 11/05/2018 22:39

YANBU
I agree with @smeddum
Can you continue to live like this for the rest of your life?
Because he isn’t going to change.
He doesn’t care that this upsets you.
I was reading a thread the other day where the OP asked if she was BIU to leave her DH because of the way he spoke to her.

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