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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

First haircut ruined

12 replies

BaldyLocksAndTheThreeHairs · 11/05/2018 19:38

Today MIL took my DD (11 months) for her first haircut without consulting me or DH and I feel really annoyed.

I was really looking forward to taking her for first haircut and keeping a lock of her hair - I cherish moments like that and now it's ruined. MIL does a lot for us and we get on really well but I'm really annoyed it didn't cross her mind to ask us first. MIL knew she hadn't had her haircut before and I even said a few days ago how I didn't want to get it cut for a while but was wondering how much to take off when we do.

I don't know what to say to her as we've never had any cross words. I think it was obvious I was unhappy, I said it looked really short and when I asked if she kept a lock and she said no I was just quiet.

I know its just hair at the end of the day and it grows back, but I remember my mum telling me my aunt took it upon herself to get my ears pierced when I was four, and my mum was livid. I just wonder why it doesn't occur to some people to ask the parents before doing something like this.

I want to express my feelings to MIL but don't know what to say. WWYD?

OP posts:

Onceuponatimethen · 11/05/2018 19:40

I would be very miffed but would say nothing if she’s generally kind and helps out.

We get no family help at all (they are all miles away) so I think a good mil is worth her weight in gold

Onceuponatimethen · 11/05/2018 19:41

Also I would take her myself for a proper first haircut next time and take photos and get a lock - I did this when dh got dd’s fringe trimmed without tellling me and so I have a lovely photo of her in the chair and a lock in the baby book

NormHonal · 11/05/2018 19:45

Did MIL take a photo and plaster it all over social media?

If not, then go ahead and rewrite history. It never happened. Deploy the tinkly laugh if MIL ever refers to it again.

Which is precisely what I did when MIL decided to take DC1 to see Santa for the first time without me. No photos, so it never happened. DC1 doesn't remember. MIL must be mistaken. tinkly laugh

PercyPigAddict · 11/05/2018 19:46

I think it "doesn't occur" to people to ask the parents because they KNOW they're out of order and they're getting a kick out of being control freaks and making changes to that person's child because they can.It's bizarre how many MILs, sisters etc sneak kids away to get their hair cut.

Aprilmightbemynewname · 11/05/2018 19:48

I have a dgs and wouldn't dream of getting his hair cut!! You need to discuss boundaries with her imo. Before she does much worse.

phlewf · 11/05/2018 19:58

No excuse but does she believe the old superstition “keep hair keep care”? My gran was extremely fidgety about me keeping a curl from ds.
I agree entirely about just pretending it never happened. My dm gave ds his first bath, but you can’t illicitly bath a baby and take photos so I made her take a million of the next bath and called that the first bath.

user1493413286 · 11/05/2018 20:01

I would be livid; it might not seem a big thing to some people but to me it’s big. I’d be annoyed at her doing that at any age because it’s not her child.
I would calmly explain with your DH that the first haircut was important to you and you’re upset that she did this without consulting you and in the future you’d expect she consults you before making big decisions like that.

Mia184 · 11/05/2018 20:08

Did MIL take a photo and plaster it all over social media?
If not, then go ahead and rewrite history. It never happened. Deploy the tinkly laugh if MIL ever refers to it again.

^^^^^
This

Allthewaves · 11/05/2018 20:11

Ok you ha e right to be narked bit was it malicious or more she didn't think it's a big deal and was doing u a favour?

Tbh don't remember any of my children's first haircuts.

Blue2017 · 11/05/2018 20:20

Whether it's done as a " favour " or not I would be absolutely fuming!! That's really out of order!! You need to say something now before she assumes it's okay to do anything else without your permission. I also agree with other posters next hair cut get lots of photos keep a lock of hair and have a lovely lunch after just you and your lo and dh if you like xx

MsVestibule · 11/05/2018 20:28

I absolutely get why you're annoyed, but as long as you generally have a good relationship with your MIL, it really just doesn't matter in the long run.

All the angst over missing first steps, first words, first anything would have bothered me at the time, but with the benefit of several years hindsight, I realise it makes no difference at all.

If you think it was just an 'baldy suggested that baby needs a haircut, so I'll take her to the hairdressers', let it go. If she was deliberately trying to piss you off, make her suffer!

Sammysquiz · 11/05/2018 20:28

I think that as she does a lot for you and that you normally get on really well, that you should take a deep breath and just move on. She knows she’s upset you, but it can’t now be undone. It’s not worth ruining an otherwise great relationship.

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