Is dinner lady unreasonable?

[upsideup]

Do you think this dinner lady is being unreasonable from these two incidents? I don't want to over or under react.

DS(8) has eczema and 2 weeks ago he had a flare up around his wrists, the dinner lady said to him 'Oh that looks nasty' which he thought she meant gross, she hopefully didn't which is what we told him. The day after she asked him if he needed a plaster/gloves to cover them up while he ate and told him to make sure not to touch any of the other children's food. DH let her know when he happened to see her a few days later in the playground that DS that it wasn't contagious and she apologised to him, not to DS though. We hoped that she was only trying to be kind and helpful to DS but had just got it wrong from this incident.

Today at lunch DS's friend left his peperami on the table so DS took it to the bin with the rest of his rubbish. The dinner lady checked his lunch and saw that it was unopened and told him to go back and try, he told her that it wasn't his and that he doesn't eat meat anyway but she still made him and sit back down. Theres a system where they check some of the kids lunch boxes to make sure they eat enough but I have made it clear to the school that I don't want how much my kids are eating to be monitored, so their lunch boxes are never normally checked and I don't know why she did it today. Also the names of the vegetarian kids are up in the kitchen and theres only a few of them so she would either already know this or be able to check.

DS is pretty loud so there have been quite a lot of times over the past year where she has told him to be quiet, which is fine when hes doing something wrong I want him to be called out on it though he is saying she tells him off more than others.

AIBU to think these two things happening so close together could mean shes taken like shes taken a dislike to him and is picking on him?

The way she addressed an eczema flare up was insensitive and crass. She shouldn’t have even mentioned it and perhaps needs to understand it’s not dirty or contagious. She also needs to understand that humiliation of a child because of a medical condition is bullying.

Whether she likes or dislikes your DS is irrelevant, she must behave professionally.

Sorry - she made your vegetarian DS eat meat? well close enough to meat

I worked as an MSA.
Most people doing the job aren't overly educated & may not understand eczema is not contagious and exactly whose dinner went uneaten with so much else to keep track of. I never knew who was vegetarian... finding it weird your school keeps track.

All kids tend to believe they are more told off than any others!

I'd rate those stories as classic carelessness, not deliberately being mean to your lad. Word to school maybe that YOU do not care about all-lunch-eaten, but try to remember the MSAs are badly underpaid (we all did 1/4-1/2 hour overtime unpaid), so pls. try to be gentle.

plus gloves might protect his skin, sounds like safety issue to protect him to suggest that.

Not good. I would talk to his class teacher or head teacher.

He didnt eat the meat, she made him go and sit back down and he waited for her to leave and put it in the bin.

My kids school don't let packed lunch children throw anything away, it all has to come back home.

I suspect she mean it looks nasty as in it would be unpleasant for him. I know it’s not contagious, but no one wants flakes of skin in their food either. I wouldn’t make a fuss about this.

Trying to make him eat someone’s meat when he is vegetarian on the other hand, totally unacceptable. She should listen to the children, lucky your son is brave enough to ignore her. I would raise this with school.

I doubt she is picking on him, but I can see why he thinks this.

I'd rate those stories as classic carelessness, not deliberately being mean to your lad. Word to school maybe that YOU do not care about all-lunch-eaten, but try to remember the MSAs are badly underpaid (we all did 1/4-1/2 hour overtime unpaid), so pls. try to be gentle

All due respect, ignorance and crap wages are no reason to humiliate a child.

I think you’re overreacting tbh. She has told him that his excema looks nasty which is commonly used to describe something that looks very sore. She has asked him not to touch other people’s food - he shouldn’t be putting his hands in people’s food regardless of excess and he won’t be the only child who is told off for that.
And she asked him to sit down.
Since you’ve already spoken to them to ask that they don’t check your child’s lunch box and another time to get an apology for the first incident I really think you need to leave it and stop overreacting about every minor issue.

I wonder, is this dinner lady of Irish decent? Over here that would be a kind empathetic statement, letting the child know she has seen and she cares. It would absolutely not be bullying or nasty.

The bin incident I would be quite annoyed about the fact my son wasn't listened to

Agree with Pork - you are really over involved with this,let your 8 year old manage his own lunch time.

I have a visceral loathing of dinner ladies after the treatment I received 50 Years ago. Forcing me to eat meat then sending me to the head when I puked at the table. Encouraging their favourites to watch me and report if I hid meat under my potatoes. Evil witches the lot of them do you won't get a rational answer from me.

“That looks nasty” can absolutely be a sympathetic comment, or it could be mean. It’s all in the delivery. And asking if he wants a plaster could easily have been intended to be helpful.

Telling him not to touch other children’s food if she’s singling him out because of excema is not on. But equally, children shouldn’t be touching each other’s food unnecessarily, so it’s not always an unreasonable comment.

Checking on his rubbish, sounds like she’s implementing school policy, albeit one you’ve opted out of, it’s easy to forget when there’s hundreds of kids.

None of these are things I could get worked up over. Certainly not things I’d want to get someone in trouble for.

Most people doing the job aren't overly educated

Hey, I bloody resent that! Our team contains only two people that aren't educated to degree level, half of us have our own businesses and we've all had careers previously. That kind of shit is what we have to put up with from certain members of our teaching staff and it's bloody infuriating.

An estimated 0% of 8 year olds wash their hands after the toilet at school. Not touching the food of others is essential. The remarks might be meant in sympathy.

The only real thing that happened was the peperami, and your DS handled it well.

I don't think it sounds like picking on him. The "oh that looks nasty" comment sounds like it means something like "oh that looks painful". I'd often say similar myself. And as for him feeling like he's being told off more than the others, maybe he's just misbehaving more than others. On those two points I can't fault her.

The plaster/gloves thing and the pepperami issue are problems though. I can understand the pepperami if it's that she was rushing about, trying to deal with loads of kids and forgot he's veggie - similarly with the eczema she may just not have known what it was. We all make mistakes. I'd remind the school gently about the veggie thing (as you've dealt with the ezcema).

Although pax is right, tbf I often tell lots of my class to not touch food that isn't theirs and to wash their hands.

lljkk Wow, just wow!

Most the gals I worked with barely had GCSEs. Nice gals, but not overly educated. We don't live in Naice area. Schools are not Outstanding. ITV viewing is high, local high school boasts headline GCSE pass rates around 50%.

Maybe MSAs at naice schools and most MNer's schools mostly have degrees? Not here.

Do you earn > NMW at naice schools? Do you also work 15-30 minutes unpaid every shift?

But try to remember the MSAs are badly underpaid
I am a special needs teaching assistant which is exhausting and part of my job includes one hour a day MSA. I don't find this particularly hard and I get paid two separate wages, I get paid more for that hour each day than I do an hour as a TA, MSA's are not badly underpaid.

I don't honestly see anything bad here.

Definitely think that ‘that looks nasty’ is most likely to have been concern. The worry about contagion sounds like a lack of knowledge about how ezcma works. The making him sit down sounds like she was confused (it’s annoying, but she’s not paid a lot so you’re not likely to have the brains of a NASA engineer and be able to remember which child is vegetarian when there is a lot going on - well, I’m a teacher and I struggle to remember details when there’s a lot happening at once). The telling him off for being loud sounds like he’s being loud! I speak as one with a similar DC who dinner supervisors tell off a fair amount, from what I hear.

I wouldn’t worry at this point as they feel like unfortunate misunderstandings rather than a campaign of mean behaviour towards him.

He wasnt putting his hands in anyone elses food and has never done that, she just told him to make sure he didnt while he was getting his own food.