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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Birthdayblues

3 replies

Jux · 11/05/2018 17:44

It's my birthday soon. DH is usually busy on the evening of my birthday and when he isn't he's not that great about going out or doing anything much. He's taken me to lunch once or twice, but nowhere special, and generally a quick thing somewhere he has to go, or wants to go, anyway.

So this year, it's a significant age and I'll be getting a bus pass (do they still do that?)! Due to its significance, my friend suggested that we get together (with a few others we are both close to and all our families) and have a small do at her place. She said she'd do food, too, and I said I'd do booze (actually, thinking about it, I'll pay her for the food, but let her do it as she's a great cook. She fancies doing tapas, yum.)

I just told dh what we're planning, having ascertained he's not busy that evening. The following conversation took place, and he's stomped off all cross, leaving me feeling U.

Him: we could make a quiche.
Me: I don't think I want to get involved in making a quiche on my birthday.
Him: we're brilliant at quiche!
Me: I don't think I want to get involved in making quiche on my birthday.
Him: you don't have to.
Me: oh. It's just you said 'we'.
Him: oh, you know. You direct, I do the donkey work.
Me: but I don't think I want to be involved. In making quiche. On my brithday. Even just directing.
Him: but you only direct, and I do the stuff. Anyway I have to change my socks ......(leaves room and starts up stairs talking about socks)
Me: well, just think about what I said.
Him: (continues calling out about changing socks)
Me: (louder) please just think about what I just said.
Him: (returning, not having got far up the stairs yet): what? We make a fantastic quiche.
Me: Yes, but I don't think I want to get even as involved as directing, I said. Please just think anout it while you change your socks.

And so off he's gone, muttering about my unreasonableness.

My problems with quiche, btw, are

  1. I'm not sure how his vision of standard large quiche lorraine will sit with tapas, and
  2. he's a nightmare in the kitchen, and I will have to clean up a massive mess. Every mixing bowl that exists in our entire town will be used, two rolling pins at least, several pans, many dishes, a department storeful of cutlery, not to mention every dishcloth, etc etc etc. All surfaces will be coated with some sort of weird egg mixture into which bits of fresh and dried herbs will have been dropped, the fat from frying bacon will be everywhere, grease soaked kitchen towel

I am close to having a conniption just thinking about it!

Apparently he had planned on taking me to a place I have wanted to visit for years, but as he has no intention of entering its gates, he was going to be the driver for me and dd - but she'll be sitting an A level that day so it'll have to be another time.

OP posts:
BackforGood · 11/05/2018 17:50

Sounds a bit of an odd conversation all round, tbh.

Just,, "No, it's OK, Friend is doing the food. Shes got it all under control."
End of conversation.
I don't get all the detail of this Confused

LanguidLobster · 11/05/2018 17:57

No you don't want to have to clean a bombsite of a kitchen on your birthday! Put your foot down.

Hope you have a lovely day :)

Jux · 11/05/2018 18:27

Sadly when dh gets a bee in his bonnet, you have to have this sort of conversation. If I'd said what you suggest, BackforGood, he'd have still gone on about making quiche, and this conversation would still have happened. It would certainly NOT have been the end of the conversation, merely a prequel!

Forgive the detail. It's partly to remind me of how it went, as I am trying to get to grips with how to deal more effectively with him; but I always forget how it happens that he always ends up feeling injured and I always end up feeling unreasonable and guilty.

OP posts:
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