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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU it isn't to young ( boys puberty )

26 replies

Ihatezoflora · 11/05/2018 16:48

We have a DS age 11 who wears boxers to bed.
His boxers have been mysteriously disappearing until I found them in a black bin bag.
Now I had spoken to him when they had started to vanish and he just shrugged it off with I don't know !
So I'm thinking his hit that part of puberty and have asked my partner to speak to him ( more of the fact his trying to hide it) he seems to think his too young right now for this to be happening ( maybe in slight denial that his lil boy is growing up !)

OP posts:
LooseyInTheSky · 11/05/2018 17:11

I don't have boys so this has gone over my head somewhat. Why are they disappearing? Is this a masturbation thing?

Pressuredrip · 11/05/2018 17:13

I wouldn't speak to him, I'd respect his privacy and teach him to use the washing machine as a new chore to do his own clothes.

ILikeMyChickenFried · 11/05/2018 17:17

I think someone should talk to him (are you thinking wet dreams?) It's possible he doesn't know what's happening and it could be frightening or worrying at 11.

WhatdoImean · 11/05/2018 17:18

As a young lad, he may be having some interesting dreams (the classic "wet dream"), and thus there may be stains on the boxers when he wakes up.

I suspect it happens to us all (lads) at some point!

KurriKurri · 11/05/2018 17:22

I presume you think he is having wet dreams ? Of course 11 is not too young and I would think by not wanting his son to 'grow up' your partner will end up making your DS embarrassed about a perfectly normal thing for boys his age.

Can you partner not just matter of factly say that boys of his age often ejaculate in the night when they are asleep, it is totally normal and if it happens just to pop his boxers in the washing machine it's nothing to be embarrassed about.

Boulshired · 11/05/2018 17:25

I bought my DS a laundry bag for his underwear, he knows that once inside the bag they do not come out again until finished in the washing machine ready for drying.

Fightthebear · 11/05/2018 17:25

DS1 is in Y6. Several of the boys are having wet dreams and amazingly were able to talk about it recently in PHSE.

11 is not too young.

Fatted · 11/05/2018 17:25

11 is not too young! If DH isn't comfortable having the chat with him, then why don't you do it?

ILikeMyChickenFried · 11/05/2018 17:26

Just don't do a scratch and sniff inside DS's room when you think he's asleep as my MIL did. DH is still mildly traumatised

KurriKurri · 11/05/2018 17:27

I find the idea of not talking about or mentioning perfectly normal bodily functions a bit odd frankly, he'll start thinking something is wrong with him or he's done something wrong. Or if you find talking about it too difficult then get him a book about puberty.

If you don't talk about it, it's going to cost you a hell of a lot in new boxers and you'll have a kid who spend his whole teenage years thinking he's got to keep an embarrassing secret.

A discreet infomation based chat - what happens, how to deal with the practicalities is all that is needed.

Vintagebeads · 11/05/2018 17:31

Either you or dh should talk to him to make sure he is ok.
I gave Ds whats happening to me book that covers all the boy changes it's in his room and cover it all from wet dreams to penis size.
It's better that they can check something factual than googling stuff they don't know.
Dr had the book from 9 and now at 13 it's still being dug out.

Storminateapot · 11/05/2018 17:33

Definitely not too young, my boys began puberty at 9, and probably wet dreams at 11. They just shoved things in the laundry basket and I didn't look too closely.

jaseyraex · 11/05/2018 17:44

Definitely not too young. Can you just speak to him about it all yourself if your partner isn't willing? Get a book about puberty if he's the shy type. Just make sure he knows it's all perfectly normal. Perhaps show him how to use the washing machine if hes embarrassed at the thought of mum dealing with his stained boxers.

balsamicbarbara · 11/05/2018 19:23

Can you just speak to him about it all yourself if your partner isn't willing?

Good lord, it is absolutely his job to man up and talk to his own son about puberty just as much as I would expect to have "the talk" about periods, etc. These sorts of things can be a bit mortifying from the opposite gender parent.

HappyLollipop · 11/05/2018 19:36

I presume your talking about wet dreams, I wouldn't think 11 is to young that's roughly when most boys start puberty. Why is your husband so awkward about this, surely he knew this would happen? If he's not willing to talk to his own son then I'm guessing you'll have to do it but it would be less embrassing for everyone if your DH could just man up and talk to him about the changes about to happen plus your son will probably feel more comfortable asking his dad questions knowing he can relate as a man.

Itsear · 11/05/2018 19:41

My DS is 10 and although he hasn’t started puberty is asking lots of questions. I have bought him a couple of age appropriate books after reading recommendations on here and have told him he can ask me questions anytime. That might be something that you can do? My DH is from a culture where sex is never discussed so disn’t Want to do a talk either.

Fuckwithnosensesauce · 11/05/2018 20:55

There is a fab episode of Moonboy where he starts having wet dreams and goes and buries his sheets in the field. When I watched it with my then 11 yo we all had a good giggle at the poor boy endlessly burying his sheets.
I told my son that he didn’t need to do any burying, he just needed to bring the sheets down for the washing sheets. A couple of weeks later down he comes with said sheets and put them in the washing machine. These need washing mum and off he goes. Bless.

I always try to use real life or TV to address these life moments. Young girl pushing baby in a pram, is a chance to speak about teenage pregnancy and how having babies is wonderful, but changes your life. We don’ t do ‘the talk’ and do talk about everything.

starday · 11/05/2018 21:00

Can anyone recommend good books to teach boys about puberty ? Thanks

jaseyraex · 11/05/2018 21:25

These sorts of things can be a bit mortifying from the opposite gender parent

Well wtf do you think single parents do? It's mortifying for everyone but it needs to be done and it's your own child whether the same gender or not!

Original poster
Ihatezoflora · 11/05/2018 23:10

I have no issues, talking to him about it.
I don't think he does ( he isn't slightly more awkward than me ) he is just adamanet he wasn't no where near that stage and didn't want to embarrass him if it wasn't !
I will defo pop a laundry basket in his room and have a chat with him over the weekend ! ThAnkyou

OP posts:
JustBeingJobless · 12/05/2018 00:19

Ds (12) told me they talked about wet dreams in yr6. Took me by surprise a bit tbh as he’s not usually very willing to talk about stuff like that, but I just told him it was completely natural and just to pop his boxers/sheets in the wash if and when it happened. A couple of times lately I’ve noticed the bed stripped and I’ve said nothing about it. Only problem is, I really struggle changing beds due to my disability and my help only comes in once a week to do it, so I’ve had to get a friend to help remake the bed!

cottonweary · 12/05/2018 00:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fightthebear · 12/05/2018 06:41

Weird

AndysComing · 12/05/2018 06:48

Come on guys stop feeding the pervert troll!

You may well be right, but I can't see anything here that points to anything perverted. Young boys go through changes and as a parent of a 10 year old boy I find these threads really helpful. There's nothing wrong or "perverted" about getting advice on how to talk about puberty with your children!

joystir59 · 12/05/2018 07:00

Start teaching him to wash his own stuff, but also have a talk with him. Why does it have to be Dad giving the talk?