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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I think you'll say I am?

23 replies

OhOfCourse · 11/05/2018 16:16

My twelve year old DS just got home from school.

Says he has a new drama teacher and they were playing "heads up". Teacher laughs whilst handing him his name "convicted criminal". Okay I thought. Whatever.

I didn't realise he is the only black boy in the class. Indian girl got "doctor". Others got gold medalist etc

Tbh. I don't want to make a fuss but feel I should say something given it's obviously peaked his radar and the more I think about it the more I strongly feel it's insensitive.

OP posts:
Stompythedinosaur · 11/05/2018 16:38

I think for me a lot would hinge on whether there were other negative characters assigned or just that one.

wellBeehivedWoman · 11/05/2018 16:39

I think that's a bit off and not surprised you aren't happy. It wouldn't have taken much for the teacher to be more sensible / sensitive.

imweirdandcool · 11/05/2018 16:39

wow thats nasty you arent being unreasonable

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 11/05/2018 16:41

I think the same as Stompy , were there other negative characters assigned?

Original poster
OhOfCourse · 11/05/2018 17:11

Just asked him. There were some there negative characters assigned. For some reason it doesn't make me feel better. And the fact he mentioned it to me demonstrates it was an issue for him.

I'd like to write a gentle note to the teacher. Any thoughts?

OP posts:
BigusBumus · 11/05/2018 17:14

Was it a random, blind picking of the characters (so face down, no-one knew who got which one, including the teacher), or did the teacher select the character, look at it and then decide who should have it?

Original poster
OhOfCourse · 11/05/2018 17:15

@BigusBumus teacher selected them and handed them out. Hence why she was laughing as she handed card to my son.

OP posts:
Idontdowindows · 11/05/2018 17:17

I wouldn't hesitate to send a gentle note reminding the teacher of the negative stereotypes surrounding young black boys and men that permeate society, and asking for her to consider these carefully when assigning tasks and characters.

SpikyCoconut · 11/05/2018 17:20

YANBU she should be careful with things like that.

TrudeauGirl · 11/05/2018 17:28

Seems odd that she'd laugh as she gave it to him. If your son noticed and felt upset, it may be worth just having a chat with them. Hope he's not too upset

thatwhichwecallarose · 11/05/2018 17:29

YANBU. I like what idontdowindows said. It’s not suggesting she’s racist, just that she needs to be aware of the world your son is growing up in and how she can help.

havanagilahava · 11/05/2018 18:25

Not making excuses just thinking of possible explanations...

Does your son have a reputation for being an angelic student who never breaks any school rules, so it was ironic that she was giving him the 'convicted criminal' card? (Hence the laugh)

If not, then YANBU.

Fruitcorner123 · 11/05/2018 18:30

...or does she have a bit of a rapport with him? I think you may be overreacting a little if there were other negative characters. I don't think it would be unreasonable for you to let her know how he felt as he did feel that way. She will hopefully be mortified and explain why she laughed. I would do it directly to her and not complain about her as if you complain about her it might go on her record as a racist incident. Obviously if you are not happy with her response then complain.

MrsGrindah · 11/05/2018 18:36

I think if he’s upset in anyway yes you should raise it. What did you mean by Indian girl got “ doctor” though? What made you mention that specific example?

DownstairsMixUp · 11/05/2018 18:39

I wouldn't be happy about that especially if she laughed.

CheshireChat · 11/05/2018 20:24

MrsGrindah In some areas there's a lot of Indian doctors so there's this stereotype that they're either that or work in takeaways.

MrsGrindah · 11/05/2018 21:00

But equally an Indian girl can be a doctor...so maybe it’s an example of unconscious bias where someone is assuming the teacher thinks giving “ doctor” to someone is related to their race? What I’m saying is the teacher could have assigned it randomly but the OP is subconsciously seeing a racist subtext based on her own association between links and doctors

MrsGrindah · 11/05/2018 21:02

Indian people and doctors that should say!,

Racecardriver · 11/05/2018 21:02

She may have been laugh for other reasons OP. Is your son a bit naughty in general?

Original poster
OhOfCourse · 11/05/2018 21:10

My son was the one to mention the Indian girl. He is very Very Good at school, not the most academic but never any problems and good reputation for being kind and polite.

It's weird he raised it with me tbh, whenever you're asked about school he says it's "fine". This time he told me the story. It's clear he was embarrassed and not very happy.

OP posts:
Original poster
OhOfCourse · 11/05/2018 21:11

He mentioned the Indian dr example I had to probe for the others to see if it was unconscious bias or just a silly scenario:".

OP posts:
LolaTheDarkdestroyer · 11/05/2018 21:13

That is blatant I would have to say something.

Keepittenten · 11/05/2018 21:13

It is something that has bothered your DS, that is enough to raise the issue. As you say a polite note/addressing the teacher directly would be the best approach.
Your DS should feel comfortable in class. It could be setting up for a future lesson exploring stereotypes...however, at the age where children are questioning identity and fitting in, it should have been dealt with more thought.
Good luck OP and it is good your DS knows he can raise this with you.

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