Does anyone ever actually enjoy being a step parent

[Bringbackthesunshine]

Just that really? Not meant to be argumentative, but i'm finding it very difficult with two teenage step kids at the moment. I've read many comments from mums on here that say they're struggling with bad behaviours from their own kids and I find the lack of a voice very hard. I can't discipline the kids as they're not mine. Their dad is very much in the camp of not noticing stuff that goes on for keeping the peace while they're with us. They're not horrible kids, just usual teenage difficulties - attitude, hygiene, timekeeping, taking advantage.

As a step mum you get flamed for not caring, and then if you do care, flamed for trying to replace mum/interefere/etc. It's the hardest job i've ever done.

As this will be asked, I've been with DH for several years and married for almost two years. I wasn't the OW. I'm childless but not through choice, I tried and failed several rounds of IVF with a previous partner.

I wonder if I did have my own children if it would be easier or harder? Can anyone else share their experiences, i'd be grateful for some support at the moment, please don't be too harsh or unkind, I'm not a bad person, just finding a situation a bit hard to deal with.

Sorry - that was a rant and a half 😳

That sounds really hard wasp
To use a well-worn phrase though it sounds like you have a DH problem...

I think it's hard as a step parent as you can't overlook the negative aspects of the child's behaviour as much as a parent can.
I don't think I would choose to date someone with children again if I was single.
When I met DP, his son was 6. He's now 10. I found it hard it the beginning, DSS seemed to have a phase of making everything a competition. Not for his dad's attention, just in general. He was a regular Tommy Topper lol. He's not so bad now, but I do find it hard to find common ground with him.

step parenting is hard, but also very rewarding.

my dsd lives with us , I've known her since she was 2 and is now 14, i think it helps having been a mum before i met dh (since had 2 more with dh). i have always tried to be a third person for her to come to if she ever needed anything. she's had a rough few years and still on going, but i adore her and she regular comes up for hugs with me. she rather talks to me then mum or dad. but i am not mum, I've never asked her to call me that, but she knows what i say goes. yes she a grumpy teen but thats part of the package wth kids. then main responsibilities full to me even though i have no parental responsibility but 9/10 all parents are in agreement. I'm not saying it hasn't been tough there have defiantly been times when we've had major issues, and I'm sure there will be again. but i made a choice to be part of her life when her dad i got involved like he did with my ds. it is selfless but then what is parenting if not that.

I love my SC, they're a surprising bonus in my life. I've never tried to be their Mum, and over the years we have built a solid relationship. In the early days I made a conscious decision to not always be there when they had time with their Dad, and to take a step back so they didn't feel displaced. Little things, like not sitting beside him on the sofa so his DC's could snuggle up with him, or not holding hands with DH when we were out and about so they could. I never wanted them to feel pushed out. I have my own child (Not with DH) and they all very much see each other as siblings now, they all get on.

The only negatives are the ex wife, who is really difficult (they'd been divorced for years when we met), and that it does feel a bit 'disney' at times EOW as we always have to do something when they're here as DH wants to make the most of his time with them. I suspect there are weekends when they'd quite like to does about at home too .

*doss

Hi OP! From the other side of the fence I'm the SD and I absolutely adore my SM. I am 27 now and have known her since I was 4. My DD calls her grandma and they have love each other very much.

It can be done!

It depends
If you have been tolerating the children from day in order to be the relationship with their parent the Yes it won’t be enjoyable.

If you never wanted children then yes being with some who has children will be a task

However I know my dh loves my son and is not just tolerating him otherwise I wouldn’t of married him

He came on our honey moon
Walked me down the isle and dh was very adermant that ds had the same surname as all of us and the only times I seen dh cry was at our wedding and the first time ds called him dad

If you understand that the child and your dh are a package then it means especially if the children are small if you can’t love them at the very least enjoy them thenyou need to walk away for the children’s sake no child should have to be tolerated in their own home they have a right to feel loved

It’s shows a lot about a man who would bring a women in to his family who simply tolerating his children and says a lot about a women who hates,tolerates a mans children but thinks fudge it and plows ahead with the relationship not sure what else could happen than misery

My dad has 12 children’s in total 4 with step mum she hates us always has

If I go see dad she makes us wait outside with a closed door while she gets him she doesn’t let us in

We had years of misery we new she didn’t like us favour her own kids so acted out her behaviour told us

That her love was dependent on how good or bad we were
Children need unconditional love to thrive eg I don’t like your behaviour but I still love YOU

And now now of us see our dad but we’re not surprised he cheated on my mum.

Not with her had affairs and never paid any money so him marrying someone with out regard to weather she even liked us was not a surprise selfish is as selfish dose