AIBU future PILs

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My future PILS are not the most public of people and mostly they spend their time with their dog and are retired. They seem to be rather strange too about meeting people, or in particular my parents. They were really miffed over their other sons wedding when the SIL parents invited them over for drinks before the wedding day (a day before) as they really didn't see the point of making talk. Personally I understood but thought it was a bit strange. Also I know that SIL parents were keen on meeting beforehand even.

I'm hoping to get married this year - it will be a really super small wedding, just parents are the registry office. and my parents have been asking to meet them and im at loss to what to say knowing both sides. I feel like my parents would feel offended or if not snubbed and hurt.

At the same time, my parents have offered to throw their big wedding feast for us (a month down the line- they wanted to pay for it so we agreed for them ) and I've been warned by the DP that it is unlikely his parents will want to attend. I don't know how to explain that. I know the PilS mean no harm, it's not their thing but I feel like I'm bending over to explain their behaviour to my parents. And I don't know why they can't all suck it up and smile for 2 days in the year.

Obviously once the wedding is over, I know it will.go back to status quo where I can manage both sides separately as in laws live 6 hours away.

It also begs another question mumsnetters - what's the relationship between your ILS and your parents? Did they meet before the wedding? Is that a thing?

Some people just don't like socialising. To some it's actually an ordeal. My mother was one such, once she no longer had my much more gregarious father to 'carry her' , so to speak, at social events.

Your dps should IMO be able to understand that well enough.

I sympathise OP, I too have rather odd PIL- similar to yours, it sounds and not at all like my rather gregarious family. I've been married 12 years now and after spending years bending over backwards to please them, I have recently stopped trying. It is absolutely impossible as there is always something they take offence to. We now make decisions based (mainly) on what we want rather than what we think they might want, we invite them to visit / family events etc but don't design them around them (as we used to!). It is so much less stressful and I honestly don't think they have even noticed the change...

It's something that shouldn't be pushed, and it can make things awkward. My DM has always tried too hard to get on with DH's family. She and MIL are both widows and very close in age, so there has been a kind of friendship between them. But they're polls apart.

The word 'frenemy' might be appropriate here., though. We went on holiday together with both of them and they babysat so DH and I could go out sometimes. Not surprisingly, there was tension. My DM made a lot of negative comments about MIL, said I shouldn't leave DDs alone with them, but I wasn't to tell DH she'd said that. I wouldn't keep the secret, though, I told my DH and he asked MIL, who obviously had a different version of events. DM then went on and on justifying herself, even talked about it to DSis. It was ridiculous.

Just because they're both GPs to our DDs, it doesn't mean they have to be best friends.

I don't know why they can't all suck it up and smile for 2 days in the year.

....because they're actually rude and bad mannered people with their heads stuck firmly up their arses?