to wish my mum wanted to make an effort to see her grandkids?

[Tiggerish]

We make the trek to see my parents some half terms and once during the school holidays. There is always some reason though why she can't possible make it over to see us. My dad comes occasionally on his own and stays overnight - mostly if he is on the way somewhere. I am just sooo fed up with always being the one that has to make the effort.

Last week was ds's birthday; sunday it's dd's birthday and they were meant to be coming for the weekend to help celebrate. Tonight my dad phones to say mum is just too busy and they won't be coming.

A few days ago dh bet me a tenner they wouldn't come.........

I'm just so upset and cross.

I know where you are coming from. Mine are always too busy to come to stay unless there is a reason they need a bed for the night because they are seeing friends nearby or whatever.

My parents invited us to stay one weekend - a weekend of farce but the low point was in the morning over breakfast asking them what we would all be doing for the day, where we could go they announced they were too busy to do anything with us...

So I sort of see what you are having to put up with but I don't really have an answer. I just have been putting a lot of distance between me and my parents.

Hmm, i'd love to sympathise, but as someone whose mil usually calls EVERY OTHER DAY and never knocks, just walks straight in (then syas'i didn't think you'd be in' eh????) and talks over me and never listens to me and is always saying narky stuff about nearest and dearest so i assume something somewere will be geting said about me, then i'd say enjoy the space and start making less of an effort yourself. And sign birthday cards etc as 'from your grandson / grandaughter' rather than letting the kids write their name, that might make her think 'Ooops..'!! Ahh, felt better to get that off my chest!

The ironic thing is, the dc probably see more of dh's parents - and they live in new Zealand.

My PIL are about the same distance away as my parents but they make such an effort when the DC go so stay and often like to pop in to see them when they are travelling around.

I suspect that there are going to be an awful lot of people who have had similar experiences to you, Tigger.

At least you are not alone.

I suppose so lazyline.
I do wonder what would happen if I just stopped making the effort altogether. Would they even notice??

Tiggerish

You have my sympathies; my parents main priorities these days are holidays, housework and running around after my childfree brother. We do not figure in that list. It is not easy to deal with at all.

My DH has also won such bets with me as well.

Tiggerish how old are your DC's?

sometimes gp's get more interested once the children get a bit older, when they can have a conversation with them etc.

amidaiwish, they are 5 and 2 - so old enough really. When we go to see them there is no problem and she does generally stop and give us time. She has a really good relationship with the eldest one - he loves her to bits. It's just that she will never make the effort to come to us.

my pil have only just become intrested in the granchildren now and they are aged between 9 and 11 (4 of them)
still wont babysit but came to ds confirmation tonight

it's hard isn't it? logically i'd say well stop making so much effort yourself, then maybe you will find they come to see you, but you may not want to "deprive" your dcs of their grandparents for a while whilst they work it out!

it is all too easy for them if you always go to them, she may even think you prefer it so that she can "give you a break" when you are there (make you tea etc..) I know my mum thinks like that. Whenever i am struggling she will say, come and stay tonight and i will get up with them in the morning. But the thought of packing all their stuff, sorting everything out, is just too much.