Help - how NOT to be a wedding CF

[mancmummy1414]

So basically we had planned on getting married in 2017. Venue booked, outfits paid for, rings bought etc. Then we fell into serious financial hardship. So we had to cancel it all, lost £5k in deposits etc.
Fast forward to now, we have sorted it out and are OK for money. We have decided again that we want to get married but don’t want to plan a big massive thing again (once bitten etc!) so we are just going to go abroad: the three of us and our immediate families.
My problem is - what do I do with the 4 people I have already asked to be bridesmaid? (And bought dresses for, which they all currently have hanging in their wardrobe)
Do I just be honest and say we aren’t having a ‘wedding’ wedding so there’s no need for bridesmaids? What about the dresses? Can I ask for them back to sell as a set (as I would like to claw back some of the money we lost) or should I tell them to keep them and either sell them themselves or keep them to use?
Do not want to be a bridezilla or cheeky fucker like some I read about on here!

Would there be the option of having them there as bridesmaids if they covered there own expenses? ‘ we are getting married in xxx would love it if you could still be a bridesmaid, down to the location it would mean covering your own expenses so I completely understand if you can’t make it’

Could you have a celebration party when you are back (can be done cheap in the local with a buffet) they could be ‘bridesmaids’ there and wear the dresses....

Or if you paid for the dresses I don’t think it’s cheeky to ask for them back, if they contributed to them it’s only fair to give them the share from the sale they put in

I paid for the dresses. The problem with having them there as BM would be they would be the only other guests so every guest being a BM / usher is that a bit strange?

Like the celebration idea though!

I don’t find it strange but that’s up to you, if your happy with that, maybe give them the option? Also if you do a celebration at home and explain you’d love them to wear the dresses, have a best man speech etc and make it like a ‘proper’ wedding celebration, it’s not like they would feel pressured into saying yes to coming abroad either as they will still be included once home. Have to admit the idea of a minimal wedding abroad does sound lovely though!

Personally I see no problem you asking for the dresses back so you could sell them to try to recoup some money. If you explain why, as you have here I think they would understand. You are not being a CF.

I do think it would be unreasonable to ask them to sell the dresses and give you the cash (if that's what you were asking)

Re going abroad - again just explain you want a really small wedding, close family only. It's your big day so YOUR choice.

Sorry I wasn’t clear enough in my OP - if they were to sell the dresses I definitely would not be asking for the cash! I am acutely aware of bridezillas and have already encountered a few ridiculous demands from henzillas etc, so do not want to be like that! No day is worth losing friendships over.

Have the wedding abroad and a small blessing ceremony here where you wear your wedding outfit, have the bridesmaids and have a low key celebration with them and a few rellies and friends.

Don’t tell anyone that you are going to get married.