To hate being in love.

[Hatelove]

I’ve met someone, and after 18m of getting to know him and believing I was experiencing unrequited love, I’ve discovered that he feels the same.

It has been 8 intense weeks. For the first time I’m head over heels in love. He’s everything that I want, he’s clever, funny, kind. He’s attentive and tells me constantly that I’m the one he wants to spend his life with. When I’m with him, I’m so elated and happy but when away from his I feel anxious that he will change his mind, find someone else or fall out of love with me.

I’m at the point of thinking that feeling so in love is absolutely not worth it. I have never been so ridiculous over a man before.

AIBU to think that love is awful and walk away from it?

Give it time! That intense and agonising honeymoon feeling will settle into something much deeper and more wonderful by far. You're just in the very early throes, that's all

Me and dh were like that. Very scary.
We have been together 12 years now and are just off to bed to read our books!

I can’t manage the way I feel, I feel out of control and I hate it

Goodness. I love that feeling!! Nothing better.

That sounds really sweet. I remember that delirious feeling!

Honestly enjoy it while u have that feeling I think we are all like that at first 😊.. but then you get used to it and settle into life together😊and u won't feel out of control

I thought I was always going to feel that way, I have been with my DP 7 1/2 years now and only the last couple of years have I stopped missing him when I'm not with him and only the last couple of months I've started looking forward to having some time to myself when he goes away for work.

It's a horrible feeling when you aren't in control but it is most definitely worth it. I love him to pieces and he's the best thing that has ever happened to me and I wouldn't want to be without him.

It is hard to be so vulnerable isn't it.

But as long as the good bits are outweighing the time when you feel anxious etc.

What helped me was to try and talk myself down from that feeling that I couldn't control everything. If he's going to cheat, he will cheat. Me worrying about it won't make it happen or prevent it happening, I will just have to deal with it when and if it happens.

He's never given me any reason to suspect it, but I am a realist/pessimist and like to be prepared for the worst! Do you suffer from anxiety in other ways as well, or is it just around relationships?

I find that my general anxiety is better when I am physically healthier, ie taking multivitamins (and specifically B12 which causes me bad anxiety when it's low) and I am doing yoga, counselling etc. trying to deal with past issues that have caused me stress.

Don't let your anxiety ruin the chance of a mutually loving relationship.

I’m not at all anxious usually, quite the opposite. Falling in love has turned me into an emotional wreck.

That's why it inspires great works of art, music, theatre, architecture.

Enjoy the sweet giddy agony

I can see why you don’t like it OP although the first stages of love are the most amazing feelings you can experience it’s the awful feeling with it that someone has so much power over your happiness, the loss of control, I can understand why some people would avoid putting themselves in such a vulnerable position, however you could be turning your back on a wonderful life with your new partner, its a risk only you can decide if it’s worth taking.

It is terrifying. I looked it up once and it was described as a temporary psychosis. You brain is literally rewiring! Try to go with it instead of fighting it. Think about accepting the unpleasantness of the fears that go with it. Feelings of loss of control are always amplified by fighting it. Take your anxiety seriously and look after yourself. It’s really part of the territory. I used to cry at being separated from ex-DP when he left the house for work in the morning! It is really natural to feel this way though - one of those little talked about parts of life! Hold onto your horses and good luck!

I may need counselling to get me through. Walking away seems preferable

We used to both consider ending it as were so shocked by our ridiculous emotions.

It's refreshing to read this thread as I've seen people flamed for it before and told they are being ridiculous.

What helped us was admitting it to each other and laughing about it together.

It's exhausting and so time consuming. He actually flew to Ibiza on his 4 days off to visit me on holiday 😂😂 ridiculous.

After a previously bad experience, I was terrified to find myself in love with someone new. I do sympathise, OP - it is really difficult. However, after quite a few years I was able to learn to trust, and now it's ok.

I meant to add: have a 'when it all goes wrong' plan in your head, I found this helped me, because if it all fell apart, at least it wouldn't come as a bolt from the blue. This sounds terrible, I know, but for the first few years I waited daily to be rejected. Ridiculous!

its not the love thats the problem, its your insecurity. Hes told you he feels the same way, and yet youre not allowing yourself to believe it or enjoy it.

I agree it’s about my insecurities, but I have no idea where they came from. Being in love is exhausting.