I had another thread going about terror now that I have ended the marriage. We are on day 3 and things are sort of ok but I'm trying to tread carefully and not be obstructive. Both the DC have been breastfed. DS (now nearly 6) for 20 months and DD still ongoing and she is 20 months and not showing any signs of stopping and I have no need or desire to stop. DH was very supportive of bf and hasn't shown any objection to it until the past couple of days. DD fell over and it was near her nap time and she was tired so she cried and asked for it so I did. He said you can't just resort to that for comfort every time (I definitely don't do that but who the fuck cares if I do?).
He has traditionally been quite detached from them and van sit on the sofa for hours and hours on one of his many devices not taking part in anything and making no effort. For many years he would go out to do his hobby, be tired when he got back and fall asleep or sit watching telly but expect us to just be around and get annoyed if I arranged something. If he wasn't out doing his hobby he was unwell or tired and so would sit on the sofa and not partake in family life. There came a time when I challenged him on this and he blamed me every time saying I either made it unpleasant or I deliberately organised things to take DS and later both of them away or even better, that I made him unwell because living with me was so hard. So as not to drip feed I was very depressed after DS but it started before his birth with my Olympic dream crashing and then a fall out with my best friend around her involvement in my life and DH basically saying I couldn't see her any more. I had no support network as she was a big part of the friendship group and I couldn't be with them.
I know all the things he is, including controlling, gaslighting, manipulative, financially secretive and sneaky (he has been through my devices, cupboards, photographed my private journal and I am convinced there are cameras and bugs in the house).
Our arrangements up to now have been that I put the children to bed, he says because I have blocked it. He put DS to bed every Sunday night but not DD ever really. Over the last few weeks since the marriage has really foundered he has really ramped up his interest in the children and has stopped doing his hobby and very pointedly written messages I feel to document his efforts and interest in the DC and shift blame. Since the break up he wants 50% shared care (I am SAHM full time, no income, primary carer and do 95% of everything to do with DC and home) and wants to do put both children to bed every night. I have tried not to be obstructive and suggested we alternate nights and when he does DD i feed her and read to her then he comes in and settled her.
So to the nub of it..ast night he pitcher to bed but she was very unsettled. She sleeps in master bedroom as she hasn't got her own room so even though he has moved i to the spare room he has to go into the master to sort her out. I wanted to go to bed and he was in there with her crying having woken up. This was the second time it had happened and I thought it reasonable to get myself to bed and help her as she was clearly not well. He was holding her and he asked me where the Calpol was. I found it and she of course wanted me to hold her. He gave her the dose and wanted to take her back but she screamed. I wasn't you g to make a fuss but he said she's only like this because she saw you. I replied that he had asked me about Calpol and that she is a breastfed child who isn't well and wants her mother so he doesn't have to be a dick about it (maybe shouldn't have said that). I let him have her and went downstairs with heart breaking and he came down after me with her still crying. He repeated that she was it crying because she had seen me and I can't remember his exact words but there was definite implication that I had used the breastfeeding with DS and now with her and that I was a nasty piece of work. I continued chores and waited to be able to go to bed.
This morning he apologised for overreacting but it means so much to him to be able to put her to bed and see her adoring face looking up at him while she goes to sleep. I am trying to be a grey rock. He should have shown an interest in the DC years ago. They are of course lapping up the new Superdad they have got at the moment.
AIBU to think that he can't criticise or pressurise the breastfeeding?? Surely it's my and DD's right??? I have never prevented him having time with them. I haven't had to..he has done it perfectly well all by himself.
Does a court even care???
Please excuse any typos!!!