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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Aibu to think about this

18 replies

Lucky6266 · 10/05/2018 22:01

Just want opinions really.
I have been in a relationship with a guy for just over 2 years but we was long distance for a long time. We met on a chat site.
Now been living together 6 months.
I discovered that he was recently still using chat sites I saw the history on his phone this was obviously happening more when we was long distance although even then we had got very close with him coming to me every weekend and video calling every night.
Since he has lived with me I found he had still used them a bit and had had a Skype call with one woman.
He goes sort of quiet when I ask him about this and says this was a long time ago even though it was when we was in relationship. Should I bother about this.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 10/05/2018 22:04

Of course you should. If you are supposedly in a monogamous, committed relationship, he is cheating. Don't stand for it.

NewYearNewMe18 · 10/05/2018 22:06

Hedging his bets for a better offer. Sorry. I never say LTB, but no, he's not a keeper

Lucky6266 · 10/05/2018 22:06

This guy is always saying he really loves me and how special I am to him.

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Lucky6266 · 10/05/2018 22:07

Oh new-year do u think so

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Lucky6266 · 10/05/2018 22:07

What ltb

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Calvinlookingforhobbs · 10/05/2018 22:08

I married a man with form for this. I am no longer married to him. It took me s long time to summon the courage and strength to leave. Don’t be like me. Leave now.

Idontbelieveinthemoon · 10/05/2018 22:10

It doesn't matter how long ago something was or wether your relationship was long-distance. It matters how he treated you. It matters how respectful and honourable he was. And he wasn't respectful and he wasn't honourable.

If you have no respect for someone at the beginning of a relationship you certainly aren't going to gain it at any point later. He's an arse.

PickwickThePlockingDodo · 10/05/2018 22:10

Couldn't be doing with that.
Have my first LTB

Lucky6266 · 10/05/2018 22:11

His one chat back in March when we was lying distance last year was with a fillipino woman and it was simply just what you looking for sort of conversation.

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Lucky6266 · 10/05/2018 22:12

Long distance that should say

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Yarboosucks · 10/05/2018 22:13

If this is not unacceptable, where would you draw the line?

category12 · 10/05/2018 22:14

'lying distance' = a bit of a freudian slip

Lucky6266 · 10/05/2018 22:14

I think I am really stupid because he keeps telling me how special and lovely I am and how much he loves me.

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Fruitcorner123 · 10/05/2018 22:15

Sorry but yes he's either cheating or at best keeping his options open. Either way not fully committed to you but by the sounds of it living in your house. Sorry OP.

Fruitcorner123 · 10/05/2018 22:16

Of course you're not stupid. Up until now you have had no reason to doubt him. I bet you wouldnt trust him now though and that's going to make you permanently insecure which is not the basis for a good relationship.

Lucky6266 · 10/05/2018 22:17

He went quiet when I tried to ask why he was doing this he didn't seem to be able to explain.
He sort of clammed up and looked a bit annoyed.
I said to him why I thought then we was very close and u kept saying even then how much u thought of me so why.

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AlmostAJillSandwich · 10/05/2018 22:32

I wasted 6 years of my life on a guy like this.
Long distance the whole time for us due to him keeping moving with his dad in temp jobs all over the country that also meant working weekends.
Around the 6 month mark maybe, i sent me a screenshot of something and had left a chat with another girl open and had just sent an "i love you" message to her.
Immediately tried to lie, say it was his cousin who was having a hard time, forgetting he'd mentioned her to me before as a girl he nearly dated then found out was engaged a few weeks before we met (also on an anon chat site). Refused to screenshot him telling her that was a mistake, as said she'd gone offline, bunch of excuses etc. Said they almost never talked so i said he wouldn't mind deleting her as a friend then. He grudgingly did after a rant, but the very next day made a new msn account which he decided to just use on his phone, added me and immediately deleted me off his old one so i could no longer see his friends list. Convinced he re added her as soon as he did and kept that account on his laptop so he couldn't get caught out again.
Year after that he went working away in the US for 11 weeks i think it was, at a summer camp. Mid trip he suddenly caused a really petty argument, then disappeared offline for 8 days (i was seriously ill with MH issues at the time) and then made up some story his phone was stolen and damaged and no longer charged and he had to wait to get an external charger. Funny how he never sent it off to get fixed but could upload photos meaning his port must work just fine and he lied.
He also randomly sent me a dick pic mid chat a while after that, he always told me he was super shy and we honestly would never talk about sex, so it was complete shock. Tbh i think he had just latched on me at the start as i was very open about my previous financially abusive relationship the day we met (after a 6 hour chat) and he saw an oppertunity to take over that.
6 years, £700 in gifts from me to him, 0p from him to me.
New years day i confronted him about this and the none appearance of the christmas present he'd voluntarily brought up and insisted on buying me, (now believe it was to get me to send him one, which i did, like a mug) yet how his little brothers girlfirend he was buying all her fave stuff like chocolates, alcohol etc, and taking her on shopping trips, and he didn't reply. I sent one last message a half hour later explaining exactly what it would make me feel if he went ahead with his silent treatment, how i felt worthless to him, forgettable, a nothing, a none priority he didn't care about. He has never, ever replied or spoken to me again, despite having been telling me up to this point he loved me and we were supposedly going to marry some day.

He was also a compulsive liar who pretended to have a brain tumour as his response to me telling him my mum died of brain cancer. Few week later i asked about it, he supposedly had a new scan and was all clear, said it must have been bleeding from a head injury he got in a crash just before i met him, bollocks, they don't mistake shit like that and he wouldnt have been released and would have been significantly mentally impaired if he had brain bleeding, but i didnt ever call him out on it.

Needless to say, i would no longer trust a long distance relationship again, they can lie too easily.

AlmostAJillSandwich · 10/05/2018 22:39

Sorry i missed the point that i think he was with another girl in the US as he mentioned a girl he was spending a fiar bit of time with alone before the disappearance, and also that the dick pic was put in the wrong chat he was meaning to send to a different girl. I think he was using me for money and the emotional side of a relationship, and was getting the sexual stuff elsewhere, from girls he actually liked physically.

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