Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Who is right ? Daughters party.

45 replies

Ihatezoflora · 10/05/2018 20:44

Hi I am sorry this is not against any part of social hierarchy or class status just the situation we are in now.
Will try not to drop feed and name changes as very outing !

It is my daughters birthday shortly ( she is 5 )
She attends a dance school locally which is situation in a " middle" and "upper" class area.

A lot of the girls in her class attend the local prep school where as daughter attends a SEN school. I'm a stay at home mum / carer for daughter and have a 11 year old to and husband is a fireman. We rent a tiny 2 bed with a little outside space. We are mid 20's in age. The mums who at the dance classes are all averaging about 10 years older than me and apart from the occasional hello or chit chat about tap shoes we haven't intergrated too well at the moment. My daughter had taken a liking to one of the little girls who is very sweet and wants to invite her to her birthday tea party ( which is in our flat ) My husband thinks that I shouldn't bother putting myself out there to talk to the mum about it as they won't come. He also thinks that if they do then the other girls in the clas will know about daughters lifestyle I.e we don't live in a house or attend prep school etc

But I don't think this is really a big deal ? I mean does any of it really matter to other parents ?

OP posts:

StellaWouldYouTakeMeHome · 10/05/2018 21:14

5 year olds don’t care about who has what

Angryosaurus · 10/05/2018 21:15

I go to children's parties if my children want to go (they always do!) I don't make judgements on the venue/home/social class of the family. I equally feel I'd rather be somewhere else!

Isleepinahedgefund · 10/05/2018 21:17

My DD is just 6, in yr 1. Most of my DD’s school friends live in houses. We live in a flat in exactly the same area as them. They all want to come to ours because We Have A LIFT!!! Five yr olds don’t care. It would only be their parents who judge.

I have had one kid come round and tell me all the really quite judgemental stuff her mum had said about how she perceived us because we live in a flat (!) I just distanced myself from that friendship, which I’d only tried at as we have a mutual friend whom I love dearly. Judgement be on her, not me! Live how you live and live it proudly, I say.

billybagpuss · 10/05/2018 21:18

Definitely invite her, my DDs were at private primary school and we went to parties where you could make 3rd gear going up their driveway and others where the houses were tiny with just the 1 reception room downstairs. No one cared and all the kids had fun.

SoftSheen · 10/05/2018 21:19

Invite her. Decent people won't look down on you for having a small house. Make the little girl (and her parent) welcome, keep her fed and entertained, and I'm sure she will have a great time.

northbynorthwesty · 10/05/2018 21:21

Defo invite her. Personally I like to be around different people from all walks of life as I learn a lot. Not everyone likes to be around MeToo people. Do it!

Hopeful88 · 10/05/2018 21:22

Invite her. They're not going to judge you. Your husband needs to get his anxiety in check before he ruins your daughters relationships.

RiverMeadow · 10/05/2018 21:23

Absolutely invite her! The worst that could happen is that she says no. I bet she is delighted

NoSquirrels · 10/05/2018 21:23

I'm not terrifically friendly with parents at random activities like dance - we're on polite chit-chat level at pick-up/drop-off, which is fine with me - but if my DC got an invite to a birthday tea they would go if they wanted to, and similarly if they wanted to invite someone from their actvities we'd give an invite, even if I didn't really expect them to come, iyswim.

Don't overthink it. Send her with an invite & if they come, great, and if they don't, there could well be a million and one reasons why not, most of which would be more likely than being looked down on. An invite is a lovely thing!

listsandbudgets · 10/05/2018 21:25

Please just go for it.

When dd was 5 she attended prep school. We lived in a 2 bed flat. Her 2 best friends... One lived in what was virtually a mansion amd the other lived in a 2 bed flat. The children didnt care and mums were just happy to be friendly

You might be pleasantly surprised

LittleGreySheep · 10/05/2018 21:32

Is your DD friends with the girl she wants to invite? Or will it be out of the blue because your DD has just taken a liking to this girl? Just thinking the other girl/mum might say no if she hasn't really had anything to do with your DD. Also will the parents be accepting of your daughter's specific type of SEN? (in an ideal world they should be but unfortunately not always the case)

As a parent my main concern would be letting my child go to the home of complete strangers. I'd be willing to accompany but my child wouldn't be allowed to attend alone.

SouthWestmom · 10/05/2018 21:33

Living in a flat is cool if you don't. My dd was very impressed by her dad's flat when we spilt up (he moved to it when she was three).

If your home and you appear safe and friendly that's about all most other parents ime look for in a play date or party.

I have turned down :

Party in a backyard - bouncy castle on concrete

Parent who kept feeding veggie dd meat

That's it. We've been to massive country houses and small flats.

happiestcamper · 10/05/2018 21:39

We live in a tiny rented house. My DD best friend lives in a huge house. Cinema room and everything the sort of house a footballer would live in. She comes for tea regularly and has even slept over. DD goes there often too. They really don’t care which house they are in as long as they are having fun.

Sara107 · 10/05/2018 21:45

Definitely invite her. The ballet mums can be a difficult group to break into in my experience, dD was dancing for about 4 years before I was included in the chit chat. I reckon you're doing pretty well to be discussing tap shoes with them already if your dD is only turning 5!!

Bowerbird5 · 10/05/2018 21:47

I agree invite her. Our neighbours across the road are millionaires with a large detached house and huge garden. Their kids were over here more than their house at one stage.
I can understand him being protective though if you have been on the receiving end of unpleasantness.
I hope you have a lovely time. My DDs party was in the village hall we had a teddy bears picnic on rugs on the floor. They loved it. We had a teddy bears picnic cake. Bear biscuits, honey sandwiches.

Whatiwishfor · 10/05/2018 21:51

100% invite her, its great that we live in a society that were not all the same. Its lovely that your daughter has made a friend, the rest is irrelevant.

Flatdilemma · 10/05/2018 21:53

My first dc started school in a village school which had an intake from mostly what was known locally as million dollar row for obvious reasons.
We lived just outside the village in emergency accommodation after being moved by environmental health and lived in a crappy maisonette on one of the toughest council estates in the area.

We had a few run ins with snobs but the nicest person we met became close friends with my dc lived in one of the biggest houses locally and was worth millions.
She turned up to school in jeans and wellies and covered in mud from the horses half the time.

Invite them!

AmazingPostVoices · 10/05/2018 22:23

north makes a good point.

I don’t want my children to only be friends with just one type of people.

I want them to have friends from different backgrounds, religions and cultures.

I am not friends with only one type of person either. I might be a middle class “WASP” but I’m friends with all sorts of women.

Motherofallbeasts · 10/05/2018 22:46

When I was 8 I won a scholarship to an extremely exclusive school. We were poor and I had a lot of siblings in a small house, we shared 2 rooms each with 2 double beds and had a bare concrete floor in the kitchen which was often home to several orphaned lambs my mum was bottle feeding!

I had friends over all the time and it only occurred to me years later that there was a material difference in our lifestyles. Invite her and have a fun party :)

hibbledibble · 10/05/2018 22:50

You have nothing to lose by inviting her. If you ask, and she says no, then you are in no worse a position than if you haven't invited her.

I would invite her and see what happens. If she can't make it, then don't take it personally.

Flip

1 2