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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be disappointed by my mother in law's actions?

7 replies

tryingtobereal · 10/05/2018 19:20

Long story short, I moved with my husband then boyfriend to the USA last year. We got civilly married earlier this year ( she attended) and since then our relationship has gone from being pleasant and civil to me, to being downright snubbed.

My husband is close to his mother, calls her up once a week and visits the UK every 6 weeks. For the 5 years we were together previous he would see her probably once every two months or so since she was always on holiday or bust. My point being is nothing has changed in the relationship since.

One thing that really upset me, is my mother reached out to her at the wedding for them to maybe meet for lunch sometime. My MIL turned around and said "she never goes to London, so sadly not". This is nonsense as she does once a week at least, and really hurt my mothers feelings as she was trying to be friendly and get to know her.

My mother in law simply ignores me now, when before the wedding we would email often. We are having a larger wedding at the end of the year and she refuses to discuss her plans with me
Ive sent her messages asking how she is, and she will just respond "all good". Those two words only. She will happily discuss her plans for the day with her son.

Last night I had an argument with my DH because shes been sending crap on how she feels abandoned by her son etc. Even though she recently got remarried herself and has other children. This really offended me since nothing has changed, and this all started after we got married.

He said that she thinks I don't like her, which is odd. I asked him to explain this and he said that he doesn't know, because he knows I do. But I should probably try harder. I have been trying, and at the end of my patience. She wouldn't care if I was wiped off the earth!

Does anyone have any advice, i'm so dissapointed and not sure what I can do to make things better.

OP posts:
Annechristmas · 10/05/2018 19:24

This sounds familiar. Have you posted about this before?

AnneProtheroe · 10/05/2018 19:26

It sounds very familiar to me too.

Unless I'm becoming psychic in which case I'm going to focus on 6 numbers for the lottery... Wink

willsa · 10/05/2018 19:29

I don't think you can do anything to make things better.
Just don't do anything to sabotage your own integrity. Be the good/neutral guy.
If relationship with your own mum is great, then be very, very happy and grateful. Nobody NEEDS mother in law and you shouldn't fight for the affections of one ( it's nice if that relationship works out though, but that's usually there from the very beginning ).

tryingtobereal · 10/05/2018 19:30

I posted something along the same lines about a Facebook post a week or so ago. I'm sorry I didn't realize I could not ask for advice on something similar.

I'm stuck in a foreign country with nobody to reach out to, and iv'e been sitting at work crying all morning. Just was hoping a different perspective could help me from feeling so upset.

OP posts:
FadedRed · 10/05/2018 19:45

Sorry, Op, I don't think you will win this. Your MIL doesn't like you, she never will. You are the reason that her son moved to a different continent and away from her. Then he actually had the nerve to make it permanent by marrying you. You are the scapegoat for her little boy's 'betrayal'. She was nice enough before the marriage, just in case the relationship broke up and she wouldn't be seen to be in any responsible.
She lied to your mother. She probably lies about you to others.
At least you know now, and needn't waste your time trying to be anything other than civil to her when you need to be. And you are on another continent, so her influence is somewhat dissipated by distance.
Don't waste your tears on her, Op. Flowers

kitkatsky · 10/05/2018 20:29

With respect v few MILs actually like their DILs as anything other than the thing that makes their DS happy or as mother of their grandchild. Even my awesomely supportive mum would tell you she struggles with my (relatively low maintenance) SIL. All I can suggest, while being so pleased I don't have a MIL or a DS, is to stop worrying what she thinks or how she behaves and do what you want! As long as you're not trying to be cruel you're fine!

spnfan · 10/05/2018 21:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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