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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Sex Offender in school

71 replies

LIVIA999 · 10/05/2018 18:30

I have found out that a parent at School is a Sex Offender. He was convicted and is on the US sex offenders site so all the information is there to see including his personal details and the conviction stating that he was found guilty of sexual assault of a child. It doesn't say whether the child was male or female or any details only that it was a child and he was guilty.

This was back in the early 2000's. The US system, to my knowledge, means that once you are on the website you don't come off. It shows that he is out of state and obviously since that conviction he has moved to UK, married and had some children.

I know that anyone could be a sex offender and that you wouldn't know but now I know I can't stop thinking about the information. I was at an assembly last week and he was sat with another child on his lap. I'm not saying he is going to abuse them but they do say that often abusers are people you know and this family are obviously friends with him.

Also he has his own children-I honestly was under the impression that once you were convicted of a sexual crime against children that you wouldn't be allowed to spend time around children. Your own or others especially unsupervised. Am I wrong in this information?

I know that when my friend found the information she sent it into the school and obviously I am not expecting there to be an announcement or anything I genuinely just wanted to know what are the laws regarding sex offenders being around children.

Is there a time limit where they can be deemed as not being a threat anymore?

OP posts:

mindutopia · 10/05/2018 20:36

It’s worth making an appointment with whoever handles safeguarding at the school and talk to them about your concerns. Unfortunately, there is likely very little in terms of restrictions on him here, though I’m shocked he managed to get a visa with a conviction like that (unless he lied).

Had he been convicted in the UK, the judge may have placed him under certain restrictions, but in most cases they are time limited (lifted after so many years). My step-FIL is a convicted child sexual offender and was placed on the sexual offenders register upon release from prison. He couldn’t be on the grounds of a school and couldn’t have a child stay overnight in the same house without parental consent, but there were no general restrictions on contact with children. Unfortunately....because he spent 4 years around ours before we learned about his past!

But as he was convicted outside the UK there would likely not be any restrictions on him here unless he had a further conviction in the UK. That said, I’m shocked this hasn’t been an immigration issue. I’m a non-EU national living in the UK and I’ve had my personal history raked through with a fine toothed comb to live here, including speeding tickets, etc. I can’t imagine the Home Office would overlook a serious conviction, but perhaps he’s lied and didn’t get caught?

DragonMummy1418 · 10/05/2018 20:37

I'd be fuming if I found out the school knew about this and didn't inform us.

ThatsWotSheSaid · 10/05/2018 20:42

I’d want to know if ones of my children’s school friends father was a peodophile, wouldn’t you?
If it was me I’d make sure that people knew that information. He gave up any right to privacy when he abused a child.

Numbkinnuts · 10/05/2018 20:46

Of course the school won't tell you about this. It's not their job to.

I bet you there are probably a few sex offenders as parents at all your schools.

Whether we like it or not they have a right to maintain a normal life.

One of the reasons public aren't told about sex offenders is so that this type of mass hysteria doesn't take place !

NerrSnerr · 10/05/2018 20:47

@wormery the OP didn’t say she found the info on Facebook, it was on the Google search with his picture while her friend was looking for his Facebook profile.

NewYearNewMe18 · 10/05/2018 21:00

I'd be fuming if I found out the school knew about this and didn't inform us.

The school cannot legally tell you.

Camelsinthegobi · 10/05/2018 21:10

Very possibly the school didn’t know. Definitely right to inform the school about the concerning incident you saw and the history from the USA. Child sex offenders do have a right to live their lives but children have a greater right to safety. Schools must risk assess the situation - loads of sex offenders are excluded from school groubds, etc.

DragonMummy1418 · 11/05/2018 12:37

@ThatsWotSheSaid
I’d want to know if ones of my children’s school friends father was a peodophile, wouldn’t you?
If it was me I’d make sure that people knew that information. He gave up any right to privacy when he abused a child.

Yes exactly this!

mustbemad17 · 11/05/2018 12:41

If he isn't currently on the register the school can't legally do anything. We had something at my DDs preschool, one of the dad's had been on the UK register for 6 years for offences relating to under 16s...obviously outraged he was around our kids we informed the nursery. They put steps in place so that he wasn't picking up/dropping off whilst a bunch of pissed off mums were doing so, but they had no legal right to stop him escorting his kids to school. Was infuriating

Storm4star · 11/05/2018 12:50

Really?? Maybe he gave up the right to privacy, but did his children? So it’s ok if everyone knows and kids start saying things to his kids like “your dads a paedo”. Really?

Sorry parents but you don’t have a “right” to know. His kids have the right to an education and a “normal” life. For the record, over 95% of children who are sexually abused are abused by a family member or very close family friend. And before someone asks for a link, I learnt that as part of my training for my job. What do people think this man is going to do? Lead a group of kids away like the pied piper?

You do realise that there are most likely kids at the school that are right now being abused by their dad or stepdad or uncle?

Speak to someone at the school and then trust the school to handle it. They are trained in these situations.

FASH84 · 11/05/2018 12:58

If you're concerned that the school won't report this you can contact your local authority designated officer (LADO) . Who will then go down the official process with the school, but unless he's having unsupervised contact with children I don't know if can there's much they can do given its a historic offence in another country. They will inform local police/multi agency safeguarding hub and possibly immigration though.

CalF123 · 11/05/2018 13:04

What do people want the school to have done? Put in the newsletter "new pupil Jessica in 3F's dad is a convicted paedophile." The school will be aware, and there will also likely be other agencies involved both with the family and working with the school.

Beaverhausen · 11/05/2018 13:04

Once a kiddiefiddler always a kiddiefiddler.

I would make an appointment with the school and keep it private and confidential. Might be an idea to go into your nearest police station and ask for advice.

jay55 · 11/05/2018 13:09

It’s baffling that he got a visa to come here.

itstimeforanamechange · 11/05/2018 13:21

Maybe he's a British citizen and doesn't need a visa?

If the alleged crime took place in 2000 it's quite a long time ago and people do move on and grow up. The "always a kiddie fiddler" comment is uninformed and does not help with rehabilitation. And that assumes he was guilty in the first place, I wouldn't trust the US system and especially if he's not a US citizen. Anyone remember the case of the British nanny who was convicted of shaking the baby she was looking after to death? She eventually came back to the UK, did a law degree and as far as I know is living a productive life. And I don't think for a minute she was guilty.

CalF123 · 11/05/2018 13:28

@Beaverhausen

What is the OP even going to say to the police? "I've heard from someone in the playground that someone else in the playground found out from some website that this guy is a convicted paedophile."

They're not going to do anything based on fifth- hand information.

Fatted · 11/05/2018 13:40

First off, not everything you read on the internet is true, so I would tread with caution.

You've notified the school. They're not legally obligated to tell you anything or what they're going to do. But if they have concerns, they can address that.

You can make a sex offenders disclosure request with the police. They're not obligated to tell you anything either, unless your child is deemed to be at significant risk from the person. If he doesn't have any conditions etc from this country, then legally the police cannot stop him from attending the school.

If you have concerns about him, then obviously don't allow your child to socialise with the family. But you can't stop him from being out and doing stuff in public.

Also remember, registered sex offenders are only the ones who have been caught and convicted. If you truly knew what happens behind closed doors, you wouldn't want your kids hanging around with anyone ever!

littleducks · 11/05/2018 13:43

I would be concerned if he was sitting with 'another' child on his lap. Surely the school should not allow this for visiting parents regardless of their past?

Thundercracker · 11/05/2018 13:45

I’ve just picked a name at random (unusual spelling), found someone with that name on the US national sex offender registry and then tried Googling for him to get that result and couldn’t, even with the name and then “offender”, only when adding “sex offender” does he come up as a result. Bit curious about how your friend managed it from what you say.

Whatshallidonowpeople · 11/05/2018 13:48

The grammar makes my eyes bleed!

DragonMummy1418 · 11/05/2018 14:06

Storm4star...

I'd want to know so I could protect my child - if my child was friends with his then I'd make sure they only came to my house to play and never go to his house.

The child doesn't deserve to be ostracised but then you don't need to tell the kids about it, just deal with it as adults.

DoJo · 11/05/2018 14:07

You do realise that there are most likely kids at the school that are right now being abused by their dad or stepdad or uncle?

I'm not sure how that is relevant to the OP - she is aware of a child sex offender having contact (potentially unsupervised) with children at a school and is concerned about the risks involved. The fact that other children in the school could be being abused doesn't negate her concerns about this known threat.

MotherforkingShirtballs · 11/05/2018 14:21

she is aware of a child sex offender having contact (potentially unsupervised) with children at a school and is concerned about the risks involved.

Alleged sex offender, OP doesn't have conclusive proof.

OP, you've raised your concerns with the school and should leave it there.

Storm4star · 11/05/2018 14:30

Dragon and Do Jo, you see my point? What you’re saying dragon is that you allow your kids to go to other peoples houses. So there is a risk, however small. So Do Jo, yes it is relevant because people let their kids go to other peoples houses all the time without overthinking it. Dragon, would you really be ok with these kids playing at your house if that dad was coming to pick them up after? If so, then good but many wouldn’t want the dad near them so the kids would get excluded.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think any parent should view everyone as a potential risk and it’s healthy for kids to play at each other’s houses. And yes of course I understand people not wanting their kids to go to the house of a registered sex offender. I wouldn’t either. But as another pp said, people on the SOR are just the ones who’ve been caught.

Parents need to ensure they educate their kids on the fact that no one has a right to touch them inappropriately. That if they do they must tell parents right away. All the safety stuff. That is the most important factor.

The one issue I had with DD when she was little was one time she played at a friends house and it wasn’t a parent that touched her inappropriately, it was another (older) child. But that night she asked me (she was about 6) whether what this child had done was ok? Because she knew she could talk to me about this stuff. I took action and it was sorted.

Mass hysteria over this one man who may or may not have done something which may or may not be a risk isn’t helpful. Educating your kids is.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 11/05/2018 14:37

Mass hysteria
Right to a normal life

I would personally make an appointment at the local Police station and ask for their advice . It’s a really tricky one and whilst no one wants to witch hunt / it might be he is not on the sex offender register here

Presumably crossing the ocean negates that for some people? It’s possible to ensure he is tracked without ruining his life I would hope

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