What's the reasonable solution here?

[wellBeehivedWoman]

Hi all, need you to tell me who is BU here!

My garden backs immediately onto another, separated by a slatted fence. On my side of the fence is a huge rambling rose and a massive jasmine vine. They cover a good chunk of the fence. I keep them tied in or pruned so that they don't trail over to the other side of the fence.

A new family moved into the house with the garden on the other side of the fence this time last year. They have two young kids (probably 3 and 6 I would guess) who play in the garden a lot. They're dead noisy but I don't mind - it's their garden and they put up with my strimmer and mower in return!

The issue is, the mother of the kids came round in late summer last year and told me that her older daughter hates the smell of jasmine and doesn't like playing in the garden anymore because it irritates her. She didn't say whether or not she was actually allergic to it. She has asked me to remove the jasmine so that the 'nuisance' is gone.

The issue is, I really don't want to! It's a beautiful plant with amazing flowers and it gives me privacy. It's also so entwined with the rose that I'm not sure how I could even remove it. It's a massive feature to my garden and must be years old (was there when we bought the house)

I offered to cut it back so it doesn't reach the top of the fence but she has said the smell will still carry. I didn't do anything else and then the flowering period ended and so it didn't smell anymore anyway and she went quiet about it. However, it'll be blooming before long this year and there's every chance she's going to come back and ask me again (she's the type...)

If she does am IU to say no? I genuinely don't want to stop this girl using her garden and I'm sympathetic because I hate the smell of lillies and avoid them at all costs. But I also feel like she could try and get over it a bit? I can't smell it unless I'm within 3 or 4 feet of it so it's not like it's the only thing you can smell for miles. And they have a big front garden as well as back if she doesn't want to be near it!

You are perfectly reasonable to have the plants you like in your own garden. I think it's fair to do what you are doing and make sure it doesn't trail over the fence into their garden, but beyond that you don't have any obligation. Children don't have to have everything in the world tailored to their whims.

Just say no
There’s no way I’d remove it

There is no compromise here. You tell her the plant has been there longer than either of you. It is a massive part of the garden to get the equivalent from another plant would take years and cost thousands in landscaping. Therefore you won't be removing it.

I've heard it all now.

The plant was there before they moved in. If they don't like it they can move out. It's jasmine, not poison ivy

Whaaat? No way, i can't believe she even had the nerve to ask just because her kid doesn't like the smell!

She's very unreasonable

Say no

I would take photographs, by the way, and inform them (in writing) that if they apply weedkiller to it you will take legal action. I don't know if you can, but I do know people who poisoned their neighbours beautiful mature escallonia hedge because they didn't like bees.

@Dynamitewithalaserbeam oh god, that's awful I would be devastated! Will definitely take photos.

Thank you everyone! I am reassured! I'll happily keep it trimmed so it's clear of the top of the fence but will be firmly saying no if she does come asking again!

just say no nicely.
I like the line which is - it has been here longer than either of you.

I wouldn't say anything about weedkiller, it might give her ideas.

But I woudl take pictures and keep a close eye on it

Not much to add other than YANBU. You sound like you've been very accommodating, but you need to stand your ground, if the topic ever comes up again.

Yanbu. How could she ever think she was reasonable?

Are you in a new build and therefore quite close to your back neighbours? Is it so bad she can smell it in the house?

You have to put up with her children playing in the garden (Do they have the dreaded trampoline?) - so we all have to compromise.

In reality I would agree to just cut it back so it's not 'rambling'. Say the flowering season is short too. However if she has an allergy I would try to accommodate them more.