To be so OVER this party and furious with DH

[Likeadiamondinthesky]

DD is turning 6 on Saturday. I have a very close family and every year her grandparents, aunts and uncles come for her birthday - everyone loves it and it's always been an amazing day.

This year she wanted a class party with her school friends and i had invited family to attend too. They live between 2 and 4 hours away so cannot just come over for a couple of hours. Everything was fine until DH (who btw didn't want the party in the first place) said that he didn't want his parents to come to the party as he finds them embarrassing and that he would invite them on a different day.

So that then causes problems with my family who feel guilty for coming when they know that PIL aren't invited. Then i agree with DH that my family will just go out for a meal during the party, just turn up for the last half an hour and then all come back to our house.

My sister has messaged me this morning and said that she doesn't think she can come if she's only coming to the end of the party now (as it's such a long trip).

I am so furious with the situation - I'm sick of all the secrets and trying to keep DH happy. There is no point speaking to him about it because he just doesn't want to know and he 'didn't want a party in the first place'. Even though he says this every year and always has a great time. I've put so much effort into this party for DD and just want to say forget it to everybody.....

Do you live in a posh area and his parents are from the other side of the tracks or something??!!

Would your daughter want both sets of grandparents at her party.

Why would coming to the last 30 mins be less upsetting than coming to all of it.

If his parents are coming on a different day and yours cant why would anyone feel upset?

We do different things with different grandparents. Would never occur to me I have to treat everyone exactly the same. They're adults.

Just be open. Tell his parents that your family can only make this week so they are coming and it so happens to be the same weekend as the class party, and you can do something with their side of the family next weekend.

Sounds like your husband needs to be reminded that it's your daughter who is the important one this time.

Look, things change as kids grow up. You need to adapt your plans for DD's birthday as each year passes.

And you need to sort out things with your DH, who sounds odd an arse

Hmm, she's at an age where it's going to be two parties from now on. She is going to want to have friends parties and they aren't going to cross over with the family party anymore.

How much does everyone, including your DD enjoy the family party? It sounds lovely but presumably dynamic will change as she gets older.

I think you just have to suck it up this year but next year, assume she is going to have a friends only party and something for family separately and discuss with DH and DD exactly what that should be.

A class party is a class party.
Kids are keener on celebrating with friends once they reach your Dds age.
Why should your DH feel he has to invite his parents etc if he doesn't want to?
Why should your parents feel 'guilty' if his parents don't come?
Just have a kids party, and invite your respective families sometime over the summer. It is ridiculous trying to have an all day family 'do' at the same time as a kids class party.
Just change the tradition. Your Dd is growing up. Avoid the drama.

It all sounds rather precious and OTT for a child's party. Driving 4 hours for a nominal day seems like a lot of hassle to me, throw in the 'class' and I really wouldn't want to go! I say that as a family who are very close.

He finds his parents embarrassing?

Is he fifteen?

Sounds like your husband needs to be reminded that it's your daughter who is the important one this time.

Sounds like both parents need to remember this.

I can't believe this is even as issue?!! Of all the things to argue about 🤔

Just invite who to want and let them decide whether her to come or not.

I think it’s time for your daughter’s party to be a separate event from your family party.

She wants a class party so you have invited your whole family?? That’s madness she doesn’t want a family party she wants to run around with her friends. All the other parents are going to find it weird that a whole family have arrived at softplay/bowling or whatever for a class party.

I think a 6 year old child’s party is totally different to a family get together and it would be best to do them on different days anyway. I can see the logic in not mixing the two and also why someone wouldn’t want to travel to see a child post mad birthday party (she will be hyped up!) She’ll be tearing around playing and won’t pay attention to her family, it should be two hours tops or they’ll all go mental. A nice relaxed family day a few days later would be great, but not all at once. Why would he think his parents would be embarrassing though?

I always have two parties for my dd.

Adults will often be bored at a kids party but then it’s nice to have a family gathering at home, plus relatives get to see more of dd whereas she wouldn’t give them the time of day at her class party.

Parties and birthdays change as kids get older. You need to chill.

Does anyone really care this much about a birthday? Your DD will just want her closest friends to play with, you shouldn't really expect family to drive 3-4 hours for a birthday it's way OTT