AIBU to be a bit disappointed?

[supersop60]

I had a whatsapp message from my niece this evening, showing pics of her wedding. It was obviously a small civil ceremony - just parents, best man and maid of honour. For a year now, she has been planning her wedding in Ibiza, on a beach. I'm going, flight and accommodation booked, looking forward to it. My niece is also my god-daughter and i have been hands on since she was a baby, she even lived with us for a year quite recently. I know I should be happy for her, but I can't shake the nagging disappointment - if she's married now, what's the thing in Ibiza all about? It feels like it won't be real IYSWIM. I'm the only one from my family going (too expensive for DP and DC to go too)because it meant a lot for me to be there. Now I feel I've missed the 'real' wedding. Someone talk me down....

Is this due to cost?
When I worked in a travel agents years ago, we booked weddings abroad and they were proper weddings too.
Everything was arranged by the tour operator.
Now I think the cost has risen and maybe that's why couples do the actual marriage ceremony in the uk.

I think people are being totally unfair. They can't legally marry in Ibiza so they had a quick civil thing here for legal reasons. I don't think you have any reason to be upset OP. just go and enjoy their wedding. That's how they see it so that's how you should see it.

If they had invited their other aunts and uncles or godparents to the thing in the UK you would have a right to be annoyed but it was only parents.

The only thing I am surprised about is that she didn't tell you about this before.

Ok, I'm now getting bit worried too!

Like Spudina, I got married in Italy some time back, never got it registered back here as when we went to the Embassy in Italy to do this, they were closed. But we were assured it was only necessary for the convenience of getting copies of the certificate. The marriage certificate we have is an international one, or EU one (can't recall which) and is legally binding at least in the EU. Very simple to organise although a little bit of paperwork to attend to first, obviously.

But you've got me worried nevertheless!

Wasn't that what happened to Jerry Hall when she tried to divorce Mick Jagger - they weren't legally married anyway

They had a Buddhist ceremony, which isnt recognised in the UK.

I wasn't aware that (some) European countries marriages arent valid in the UK.

Anyway, the UK, Christian and Hindi are the only religious ceremonies recognised in their own right, all others have to be registered at the registrars.

www.gov.uk/marriages-civil-partnerships/religious-ceremonies

When you marry abroad you have to meet that countries requirements to get an actual wedding license. You normally have to be in the country for a certain amount of weeks before they grant a license, And only after that can the wedding take place. In some countries this can be several weeks. You often have to actually go to the offices, sometimes more than one, to sign the required paperwork. Sometimes it's just more hassle than it's worth and sometimes just isn't feasible unless you are spending a large amount of time in the country.

It sounds as though they have had a ceremony in the UK to bypass all the hassle and make it legal. But the wedding they have abroad will be what they consider their proper wedding, just without the legal bits

This is outing but this happened to someone I know. Except they went to Bali and not Ibiza. And didn't find out the couple were already married until the arrived in Bali

www.italianweddingevent.com/wedding-requirements-for-italy/requirements-for-british/

This is from 2013 so not sure how different it was when you married

But yea you needed the certificate translated and register here as well

It sounds like people who have done it, the bigger event feels important too, so probably just accept it and move on is best.

We looked at a couple of venues where it turned out for some reason you couldn't have a Jewish ceremony unless you'd had a civil ceremony beforehand (or maybe you had to have a civil one after to make it legit, can't remember) and we turned those down as we wanted the Jewish ceremony to be the ceremony. But I do know there are some places were you can't have a UK-legal marriage, so I understand people splitting the ceremonies if they're OK with that.

I went to a similar wedding but all the guests invited to the abroad wedding knew they were doing an official marriage ceremony in front of their parents. It was made clear that it was an unavoidable paperwork exercise and the real day was the one we were all invited to.