Parenting advice needed please

10 replies

Nofunkingworriesmate · 09/05/2018 22:19

My lovely son has started to behave appallingly. Having melt downs and being very angry biting scratching and saying I hate you! All over nothing. For example he wanted to take toy to school and being told no resulted in 20 minute car ride where seat belt was removed to provoke a reaction ( I ignored it as we were in slow moving traffic) then emptying school bag and lobbing contents at me ( again ignored) he is nearly six and has speech delay and can't read so we think maybe frustration is the root cause, also we have now banned screens as he was having tantrums if we refused use of iPad, we think he needs more attention from us as he only get 3/4 hours max a day on a school day and this may be attention seeking ? I cried today when I picked him from school and was told by other children he had punched them and called another a bitch( he said he heard it from the t.v) so will not have the TV on for a while. We had a lovely evening together and I was just feeling better when I got a call from another parent cancelling a play date as he has been saying hurtful things her son. I'm sat here breaking my heart that my child is " that" child and will soon have no friends. Desperately need any words of advice. I'm going to see the teacher asap

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nutbrownhare15 · 09/05/2018 22:27

Sorry you've had such a tough day. Focusing on your connection is definitely the right way to go. I find the ahaparenting.com website really useful for advice and guidance e.g. www.ahaparenting.com/parenting-tools/positive-discipline/positive-discipline may be relevant to you. It's worth bearing in mind that when he gets angry it may seem like nothing to you but at the time it feels like everything to him. This article also looks relevant. www.ahaparenting.com/ask-the-doctor-1/4-year-old-is-a-bully-help

YouTheCat · 09/05/2018 22:32

Is he being assessed for anything? I'd request a meeting with the school's SENCO and ask for this if it isn't already underway. He sounds like he needs support.

Aquamarine1029 · 09/05/2018 22:38

Along with an assessment, I would take a good hard look at everything. His diet, his sleeping routine, how much he exercises, etc. A bad diet and poor sleep can wreck absolute havoc on children and their behaviour.

WineIsMyMainVice · 09/05/2018 22:41

How old is your DS? Sorry you’re having a tough time....

Original poster

Nofunkingworriesmate · 09/05/2018 22:42

Being assessed for speech and language delay and that seems to have stalled so I need to chase that up. I have notice how all the other children are far more articulate send can clearly explain to me what he has done each and I get a lot if tales told to me that aren't all true and it's very frustrating that when I try to talk the day through with him I get a garbled very unclear version of who did what and why. Today he sobbed for ages after I told him to apologise to the girls he had punched I was very gentle about it because he hates being "bad"

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LiveLifeWithPassion · 09/05/2018 22:47

Let some things go. My kids often wanted to take a toy to school so I’d let them but made it clear that it needed to stay in their bag as it could get lost.
Banning the ipad is good but don’t say it’s a punishment. Explain that you can see it’s not good for him and you’re going to do other fun things instead.
Watching a favourite programme with him is not too bad if he can cope with it going off afterwards. If not, then dont switch it on.

Original poster

Nofunkingworriesmate · 09/05/2018 22:51

He has been a terrible sleeper and was Oxegyn deprived for a a while with his medical issues so was only getting 80% saturation for a few years so we think that may be the root cause of delays, eating was a problem as he dropped off the % charts as a toddler ( basically was barely eating and nearly got peg fed in hospital at one point but has now improved and is a goodish eater, we do allow too many crisps and chocolate as a result of the desperate years where we were encouraged by the hospital to get any food what so ever into him as he was starving and so do we do know we need to cut back on the chocolate

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loubeylou68smellsofreindeerpoo · 09/05/2018 23:06

I would definitely involve SENCO if you haven't already. It sounds as if he is having problems relating to the other children and getting frustrated at not being able to articulate his feelings. My son had a mild version of this which was identified at pre school so he had help from there on . The pre school wasn't the best setting for him and they threatened to kick him out at the end of the first year (I felt like a shit parent ) I took him to another pre school over the summer for 8 sessions in which they constantly chatted to him and encouraged him to take part in activities (other one never let him take part unless he wore apron etc) when he went back to the original playschool after the summer they couldn't believe the change in him.
So apart from SENCO I'd recommenders of communication and encourage him in activities to engage and develop speech. It will get better I promise. My son was signed off SENCO in yr 2 and even though we have the usual problems of a 12 year old I've never felt like I did back then . Much love to you, you are not alone

Original poster

Nofunkingworriesmate · 09/05/2018 23:31

Thank you Loubeylou very kind just what I needed to hear. He can be so thoughtful kind and considerate so this behaviour has blindsided us
... Also the patent who cancelled the play date has also been to school to complain twice and so has her friend, so I feel like Im being gossiped about which is very stressful

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BlackeyedSusan · 09/05/2018 23:33

welcome to the that parent/child bench.

Flip