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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be so upset about this?

10 replies

ncforadvice905 · 09/05/2018 19:47

Basically I'm co habiting with ex because we physically cannot afford two houses for a couple of months.
I don't want to drip feed so I'll be honest he is quite controlling and I've just had enough of having no life. So I said while we are still living together when we aren't around the kids we are free to do whatever we like (meaning I can go out with friends and have social media without him complaining) and he can see other women if that's what he wants just don't rub it in my face.
Anyhow he told me this morning (wanting to be honest he says) that he's considering asking a woman from work out for a drink. I had my suspicions he liked her but we aren't a couple anymore so I accepted it, had a little cry in private because I knew I was right, and spent the morning getting my head round it. All good.
Then he decided to say he isn't going to do that at all, he doesn't want to do anything to upset me and then telling ME how bad HE feels for saying it. I'm furious and upset. I just don't see why he did it. Why he went out of his way to tell me he was gonna and then change his mind five hours later. Part of me thinks she knocked him back but he wouldn't admit it anyway. He's now saying he said it just so it wasn't a shock if anything happened in the future.
I know this situation in general is wank and He needs to go but AIBU to be absolutely furious and also devastated that he felt the need to play with my emotions like this?
I would like to state that the dc know nothing yet because we aren't telling them until he finds a house, and they are oblivious.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 09/05/2018 19:52

Well he's achieved what he wanted, he's still being abusive...

ncforadvice905 · 09/05/2018 19:52

That's exactly what I was thinking

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buckeejit · 09/05/2018 19:57

That's shit, but maybe more of an indication that you need to disconnect more & emotionally move on yourself. Maybe he did it for badness, maybe in his head it was something to progress you both on, who knows.

Good luck for the future

ncforadvice905 · 09/05/2018 19:58

If he genuinely wanted to though he wouldn't have changed his mind so quickly would he because I didn't show my emotions to him when he told me. Maybe he didn't get the reaction he wanted this morning 🙄

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RandomMess · 09/05/2018 20:01

You were probably supposed to beg to get back with him...

redastherose · 09/05/2018 20:01

Yes, I would imagine that he said it to see your reaction and nothing else. He hoped to hurt you and mess with your mind. The best thing you can do is go grey rock on him. Don't give him any reaction to his shitty behaviour and he stops getting rewarded by being able to hurt you. It's the only thing that works with manipulative tossers.

UmbridgeD · 09/05/2018 20:01

YANBU. Move out asap.

eightfacesofthemoon · 09/05/2018 20:03

Just say
That’s nice dear
To everything, with a glazed over look in your eyes.
The wanker just wants to get a reaction

ConciseandNice · 09/05/2018 20:03

If you were upset about it then you aren’t in the emotional space to split up. You need to separate properly. Ideally this shouldn’t matter to you. Plus he is an emotionally abusive asshole.

ncforadvice905 · 09/05/2018 20:04

I'm upset because I KNEW he liked her and I'd pointed it out before we split up. I'm furious and more upset now because of what he did, I'd rather he have just been dating her and not told me tbh. I've made it clear as long as none of his probably many women think they're playing mum to my kids then I have no issue. Which is true. They're welcome to him

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