To think its normal for some friends to just drift apart.

[user1485342611]

My sister was a bit upset today because she feels the last of her group of friends from her mother and toddler days has drifted away. There was a group of about 8 of them, who all lived close to each other, had children the same age, were SAHMs and they used to spend a lot of time together; trips to the park, sitting around each other's kitchens having coffee while the kids played upstairs and so on.

The children are now aged about 10 down to five and several of the group have returned to work, a couple have moved away and the group has drifted apart. This last friend has got very involved with am dram, something she did.a lot of before she had kids, and that takes up a lot of her free time.

I feel sorry for my sister but she seems to think they've been mean to her and even said they were 'just using' her because of the kids. But from what I can gather none of them are in regular touch anymore - just a quick drink at Christmas or a chat if they meet in the supermarket or at something in the school.

AIBU to think that it's natural for some friendship groups, particularly if they were based on one specific thing in common, to just drift apart without anyone having done anything wrong?

You are right, it’s incredibly normal. It’s the same with friends from any period of your life, once that period is over it’s rare to stay as close as you once were. For example I met a very good friend at uni but once we stopped spending hours a week together, we naturally drifted. I still consider her a friend but we barely ever see each other now and that’s natural.

Perfectly normal. My neighbour and I practically lived in each others houses during the toddler years and were never off the phone to each other. Having moved only an hours drive away we never see each other and barely keep in touch.

That's what I was saying to my sister. I have often made a good group of friends at work, but when I change job I lose contact with a lot of them. Not because I didn't really like them, but because it's more difficult to stay in touch when you're not seeing each other everyday in a shared setting.

Its very normal I think - i used to work with a group of girls that I was very close with. We eventually all left that workplace and got jobs in different parts of the country and we do chat on whatsapp occasionalyl but i havent seen them for years.

It does make me sad that i dont have the same level of closeness as i once did with them but it can't be helped as i dont see them every day l ike i used to.

I am lucky in that my uni friends do live relatively close to where I live and we do meet up very regularly ever since we left uni, but that is only becuase we make specific regular dates in advance and we stick to it. If we didnt i suspect we too probably would have drifted apart.

I'm currently drifting very much apart from someone I have been friends with for 15 years. We used to be best friends and saw each other weekly just a few years ago. She has had kids and I haven't and I have struggled with that. She also has a controlling wanker of a husband which hasnt helped anything

I just don't feel like I have much in common with her anymore and I don't look forward to seeing her like I used to. I have other people in my life who I feel much closer to now. I think it's quite common to move on from certain people, and for friendships to change and even drift. It's really hard though when one of you feels much more invested than the other

Yes I agree 99% of the time this happens. Maybe one or two friends along the way are lifetime friends. Ones you stay friends with no matter what and even if you don’t see each other for a year it’s like you’ve seen each other yesterday. But there will always be here and now friends. When you have stuff in common for a bit but once things change again you drift apart. That’s ok too. And social media seems to make it that everyone has lots of close see each other all the time friendships so you feel like your missing something if you don’t.

Yes, I think it’s normal to drift apart. But sometimes I take it too personally. I’ve not stayed in touch with anyone from childhood or school, but can see on Facebook that loads of people from school still meet up regularly. I have lots of friends that I see on a regular basis, but honestly, I would say that I’ve actually only got 2 friends that I think I’ll be in touch with until the day one of us dies

Totally normal, and it doesn't invalidate the fun times you had or the closeness you once shared.

You can have different friends in different situations and phases of your life.