To think it's none of my 'bil's business?

[Duck77]

So some of you might have seen the thread from 2 days ago about my partner dropping his brother off at the airport... this happened on the same day and it's still playing on my mind. The 3 of us were chatting about holidays and asked him if he's going anywhere for the summer. He said probably not but next year is his and his wife 10th anniversary and they do a bigger trip then. Fine I thought it's great! Then we sort of started chatting about weddings (me and my partner are not married) and I said I'm not fussed about the wedding all I really would like is a nice ring and a good honeymoon. So just to explain I'm not interested in weddings, hate the all fuss and I think loads of times people just waste their money on it and forget what it really is about. I love the idea of being committed to someone and get married but I don't need the drama and the stress and definitely not getting what the thing is white dress, like honestly you wear it once! But that's just me and I appreciate if all these things mean a lot to others.
But then my 'bil' said: 'you need to work your priorities out there darling' and I'm so offended. Why?! Why do I need to work on my priorities. Who is he to talk to me like that? AIBU?

I think you don’t like your partner’s brother and are more quick to find fault in anything he says / does.

It’s the “bitch eating crackers” phenomenon - a perfectly normal comment or activity will wind you up unreasonably because you dislike the person making the comment or doing the activity.

I think your BIL has just offered to cough up for a magnificent glitzy wedding in order to help you out with your "priorities."

Or he's a twit.

So strategy is a few lines for responses - generic is ‘sorry what do you mean by that?’ Wedding related is ‘you do realise dp hasn’t asked me? Did you think we were hiding a secret engagement?
Other strategy / practice your dps wtf face, pause then change the topic noticeably.

I don't know how preferring a ring and a holiday is more materialistic than spending loads on wedding dress etc

It’s not. However, a wedding is about the vows and commitment you are making to your partner. It’s not about a nice ring and a honeymoon.

But I will want to get married I just don't want the fuss with the wedding! And they know because we had this conversation at Christmas and I explained. I love the idea of being married and committed and all that I just don't want the blood cakes and drama of who's kids are my flower girls and having an evening do where it's all about getting drunk. And I presume they know that because I told them!

He definitely won't give a penny into anything. So full of himself and his money but such a greedy person definitely won't pay for anything and of course neither of us would ever want anyone to pay for our wedding. He's 35 btw yup got married at 26. And I don't care if he's happy and was up for it then good for him but can we not just do what we want ?!

Take my advice. Don’t go to war with the in laws it never ever ends well, causes untold stress and creates pressure on a marriage in a way most things can’t

Be civil and polite. You’re still so young that my advice may not register with you but it’s so true!

Good luck with that wedding

Thanks Melliegrantfirstlady. I'll try to do my best and not get upset about the comments of his brother (or family). I can't do anything else... it's a never ending thing isn't it ... once marriage was out of the way they'd be on about kids and the rest