Wibu to message his ex?

[sharkirasharkira]

Dp is in sporadic contact with an ex of his from several years ago. They used to speak occasionally, via Facebook, until she moved to a different part of the country and they didn't speak for ages.

She moved back to near where we live last year and since then has been back in touch with Dp. I'm fine with him talking to her as I trust him and he is very open with me about talking to her and what she says (I don't ask, he volunteers all the information!).

Recently however, he told me that she was asking him for favours (lifts, etc) and had been offering him blowjobs and sex as 'payment'!! Obviously he declined, but now I'm a lot more uncomfortable with him being in contact with her. I'm also pretty angry with her as she knows he is with me, Dp has been discussing our upcoming wedding with her in some of their conversations!

Wibu to message her and ask her what the fuck she is playing at maybe gently remind her that it is inappropriate to be offering sex to another woman's fiancé? And warn her to back the fuck off politely request she doesn't do so again? Or should I just ignore and leave Dp to deal with the situation?

^Recently however, he told me that she was asking him for favours (lifts, etc) and had been offering him blowjobs and sex as 'payment'!!*

Highly unlikely.

Your being taken for a mug by both of them.

Put wedding plans on hold until he tells her to get lost and never contact him again...for anything, anytime!!

Sorry, but he's enjoying the attention and really it's not your job to tell her, she will just laugh at you and then you will feel miserable. He has to grow a pair and tell her himself. Otherwise, show him the door. I wouldn't buy the 'payment' story either, how do you know he didn't request this?

Sorry OP you sound really nice and deserve someone who you can trust 110% and not have to ask AIBU about an ex.

I think you are being very naive and gullible OP. Very gullible indeed. And a bit of a doormat.

All this, “she’s offering me sex and blowjobs but I’m such a lovey guy I just can’t tell her to fuck off” is such a cliche’. And he should be ‘lovely’
to you, not her anyway.

I'm sorry OP, but it sounds very much, like he's keeping her on the back burner.

Going against the grain of panic here. I doubt your dp is keeping her as a reserve or particularly enjoying the attention. Otherwise he wouldn't be so open about it.

I agree with other posters out should be him that deals with it, not you.

What is your DP going to do about this now then?

Queenofwands suggestion is great. Message her telling her factually what he's saying. You'll get her version of events and she'll get a heads up what an idiot he is. Win win.

It is sad for her she feels this way absolutely not your problem. Don’t feel sorry for her. She isn’t wasting an ounce of thought on you. He needs to tell her to get lost once and for all.

Sorry OP but I know you don’t want to hear the message but i agree with others. I would be looking at what your fiancée is doing to handle the situation. Not trying to block ex. He needs to be clear and put this ex firmly in the past. None of this “only running her around because I feel sorry for” bollocks. Remaining in good communication with an ex is fine. But this sounds unhealthy. Good luck OP - hope all goes well for you.

Just to clarify, he isn't talking to her anymore! I know a lot of details about her because I was friends with him when he was dating her and he told me all about it. They broke up because she was nasty and abusive to him (she used to hit him), she also send threatening and nasty messages to me at one point so I have an idea what she is like. He has absolutely no sexual interest in her whatsoever. The 'favours' (lifts) are not something he has ever done for her, she has just asked. The offer of sex only happened 1 time (the last time).

She is also quite young so I think that plays into it somewhere.

Queen, if I did message her, which I'm pretty sure I won't it was just me being pissed off, it would have been something alone those lines!

Op you should reverse the situation and see how your partner would react. If you know the answer to that then you know what you need to do.

There is no way on god's earth that I would stand for this. She is making a play for him right under your nose.

If a man is set to marry a woman then he simply has no need to be in touch with an ex who he has no children/connection with and who has been abusive to him in the past.

If they had split up amicably and she wasn't behaving like this then it wouldn't be a problem.
She sounds dangerous to me.

How many times we we seen similar stories on here of innocent friendships and men who would never cheat.

Listen to what he's telling you. Really listen.

I hope you're right OP but he has been her confidant in the past, which is ridiculous he doesn't need to be and why the hell would he when she's been abusive to him? It still seems fishy to me, but if you're sure then just leave it. She looks pathetic anyway.