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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think this crossed a line from sport into unnecessary violence?

30 replies

Morphene · 08/05/2018 22:47

I'm not sure if I've over reacted or not. Playing badminton tonight in a social club with mixed abilities. I was on court with two weaker female players and one male. My partner couldn't really hit it much past mid court. The male player kept smashing every weaker return of my partner at full speed from mid court directly at her.

He also slammed the shuttle into his own partners back, obviously a mis hit but relevant later.

After 3 hits to the body and two to the face, one of which was glancing as my partner flinched away just in time, I walked to the net to point out the it wasn't appropriate to kept smashing full speed at my partner who clearly couldn't react to it at all.

He was utterly unapologetic and claimed my partner was a good player really, that it was fine to keep hitting her, that she should shield her face more, that his partner was obviously fine with him hitting her, so why would I have a problem.

I also pointed out it wasn't nice to laugh so much each time either, but again he said its fine because he laughed at his own partner too.

I'm sure I can walk away from any game I don't feel comfortable in, and this was just horrendous - I was starting to feel adrenaline surge each time my partner hit it up in the air in case she was going to get a facefull again.

But I also feel like we were somehow out of social semi-competitive sport territory and into justifying violence against women territory? I really got the creeps from the way he spoke for his partner rather than letting her speak, and generally seemed to be enjoying himself intimidating and hurting his weaker opponent?

AIBU to think this is more than just dickish behaviour?

and what the hell am I supposed to do if I have to go on court against him again?

OP posts:
BathshebaKnickerStickers · 08/05/2018 22:50

Does he think he is in the Commonwealth games when actually he is the 3rd level of the Darchester church and community fun league.

Sounds like he needs the “we aren’t that competitive “ aspect pointed out

Spudlet · 08/05/2018 22:54

That does not sound fun. I wouldn't want to play him again either.

If it's an organised club, is there someone in authority that you could speak to about it?

MissionItsPossible · 08/05/2018 22:56

I don’t play badminton or competitive sport but laughing and trying to defend repeatedly smashing someone in the face and body with a speeding shuttle doesn’t sound sportsmanslike to me so YANBU. I thought badminton was about trying to get the shuttle out of reach of the opponent, not hit them. And yes it sounds dickish behaviour but from what you have described, beyond that also.

Aquamarine1029 · 08/05/2018 22:57

He's a cunt. And I bet he's a cunt off the court as well. I'd tell him to fuck off and find new people to play with.

MissionItsPossible · 08/05/2018 22:58

Sorry I’m a bit confused reading it again. Is this a professional match? Was there a referee? if not surely you can’t be forced to play him again and just refuse? (I would)

TammySwansonTwo · 08/05/2018 23:00

Nothing “semi-competitive” or sportsmanlike or vaguely acceptable about this behaviour. If someone runs the club I’d make a complaint. Behaviour like that will only push out beginners / “weaker” players and that’s not on at all. Bet he wouldn’t have treated a man like that.

ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo · 08/05/2018 23:05

I would definitely report him to whoever owns the club. Also, I wouldn’t have carried on playing.

Pinkkahori · 08/05/2018 23:05

Horrible behaviour.
Some years ago I joined a badminton club with my friend. She was very experienced but I hadn't played since school.
They really needed new members and said they were happy to have a player at my level.
BUT there was a group of older men there who were hell bent on humiliating me with similar behaviour you describe.
I quit. I just didn't enjoy it.
It was no wonder they were struggling for members. They wouldn't accept anyone not at their level.

FermatsTheorem · 08/05/2018 23:05

What Aqua said. I knew a man who behaved like this back when I used to play five a side football - arsehole on the pitch, arsehole off the pitch. And what Bathsheba said too (love that "Darchester church and community fun league).

You can tell a hell of a lot about a man from the way he behaves while playing sports - if he can't distinguish between a competitive game against equally skilled opponents where you try your hardest, and a fun knock around where the aim is to help the weakest player there have fun as well, then he usually turns out to be a shit across the board.

0dette · 08/05/2018 23:14

Does he think he is in the Commonwealth games when actually he is the 3rd level of the Darchester church and community fun league

Actually I know several people who played badminton in the commonwealth games and none of them would act like this man did.

If you are playing with much weaker players in a social setting, you give them a knock up. If you did feel the need to show off and smash it, you would hit it into a space , not into someone’s body or face .

Smashing into people’s faces in a social game is just being an arsehole. As is laughing at other players mistakes.

Most badminton clubs have rules about things like this I’d speak to the organiser. And I’d not play with him again.

Original poster
Morphene · 08/05/2018 23:20

Just to clarify this was a social club, playing games for fun. It wasn't a competition of any sort. Its a rather mixed ability gang from not much past beginners to county level and uni team players.

In fact that's one of the things he said 'aww..but its just for fun' I pointed out that being repeatedly hit by the shuttle actually wasn't fun.

He didn't seem to understand that just because the game was relatively close (we were winning points by pushing the shuttle out of reach of him or his partner rather than burying it in her face, and through errors by him mostly), that this meant he could keep battering my partner every time she hit it mid court (which was about 70% of the times she hit it).

Glad most people think it was okay to call a stop.

I' think I might pop an email to one of the organisers, saying if I've stepped out of line I'll apologise, but that I hope he will agree with me it wasn't appropriate and send a general message about playing at a fun safe level for all the players on the court.

OP posts:
Original poster
Morphene · 08/05/2018 23:24

I'm pretty sure I embarrassed my partner by my actions though. She was starting to look upset though..and I just couldn't watch it anymore.

OP posts:
MissionItsPossible · 08/05/2018 23:26

I' think I might pop an email to one of the organisers, saying if I've stepped out of line I'll apologise, but that I hope he will agree with me it wasn't appropriate

No! You haven’t stepped out of line by objecting to your partner getting hit in the face on purpose so there’s nothing you need to apologise for!

Original poster
Morphene · 09/05/2018 08:59

hmm sent an email but haven't heard back....I'm still feeling pretty upset about the whole thing!

OP posts:
DevilsDoorbell · 09/05/2018 09:02

He was a dick. Don’t expect an apology from him though. Just refuse to play him ever again. Hopefully others will see you being assertive and will join you.

TheNavigator · 09/05/2018 09:05

What were your partner's feelings about the situation? She seems strangely voiceless in this.

FrankieBee · 09/05/2018 09:06

This is so weird, I was going to start a thread on pretty much the same thing but it was netball.

Play in the lowliest town league there is and last night was threatened with “having my fucking face smashed in” after accidentally knocking someone. Was then told to fuck off repeatedly when I complained to the umpire.

People really show their insecurities during amateur sport!

JustGettingStarted · 09/05/2018 09:07

There are always some people who get aggressive in social sports. You sometimes hear about people who get aggressive (shoving and cursing) at Parkrun.

It shouldn't be tolerated.

Furano · 09/05/2018 09:13

Don’t play with him again - some people are total dicks.

There was a team in my (social!) netball league who were Uber violent and competitive and very aggressive with no sportsmanship. Even the umpires couldn’t get them to calm down.

After a few seasons of being needlessly hurt and having unpleasant games,we refused to play against them and were happy to forfeit and take the loss. Then after we told others in the league what we had done, all the other teams wrote to the organisers telling them they weren’t prepared to play against them either.

The that season the team ‘won’ every game but they didn’t play a single one! And then they left. Huzzah.

barefeetorsocks · 09/05/2018 09:16

Does that arse play tennis too?
We've got a couple of players at our tennis club that take pleasure in humiliating junior or weaker players.
Last time we played I just said "I hope you feel proud of yourself" and took my junior partner for a beer.

TonTonMacoute · 09/05/2018 09:17

I would not be playing him again any time soon.

Sport at this level is meant to be enjoyable, let him find someone equally aggressive to play against.

Willow2017 · 09/05/2018 09:57

Nah you are in the right, he is a dick. Probably one of those 'macho' types who brag at how amazing they are at sports and how they smashed their opponents the other night and how funny it was when he hit her. (completely ommiting that they were the ones who lost the game cos they are not that good)

Next time ask if he feels the need to belittle and hurt women this week to try to make himself look good?

I had this many moons ago at badminton club too. New member, Cocky, strutting "I am better than women in all things " type and I soundly beat his ass. He was freaking furious, everyone trying not to laugh at him.

Original poster
Morphene · 09/05/2018 09:58

thenavigator yes I worry about that too. She was clearly getting agitated and upset on court, but I'm pretty sure she would rather I hadn't 'made a scene'.

I apologised to her afterwards and her reply was 'well I wasn't enjoying the smashing', she then went on to comment about several people who had treated her badly at other badminton clubs she'd been too....including that she finds it worse when people try to tell her to stand at the front out of the way rather than join in. So mixed bag I guess.

We don't play too much badminton together, but I often partner her as opposed to anyone else when we do end up on court together just because I know we can usually make it fun that way and because I know no one will be bossing her around.

I do feel probably overly protective of her because we worked together a while ago and I have always been in a sort of mentor position for her. I probably let a bit too much of that feeling leak out.

OP posts:
ILikeMyChickenFried · 09/05/2018 10:00

My father in law did similar to me on our second meeting. We went to play badminton, me, now DH, MIL and FIL. I'm not very skilful but thought it would be fun. He repeatedly smashed the shuttlecock into my face. I've never liked him since

Original poster
Morphene · 09/05/2018 10:01

furrano I a different club that plays in a league, we gave up games rather than play a partnership in which the male player constantly criticised and degraded his female partner on court.

I worry about the people who are prepared to put up with that kind of behaviour, and slightly disgusted with clubs that allow it to continue.

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