I’m feeling a little ostracised at work to the point I’m now getting a bit low about it. I took sabbatical leave to travel for 3 months and have been back a couple of months now. I’ve been at my company for 6 years and always got on with people and was very much a part of social gatherings and friendships outside of work....until now. Nothings happened, I’ve not had arguments with anyone or anything of the sort. I am friendly and down to earth with my colleagues, so I just don’t understand this current situation.
There have been 3 occasions now where the girls in the office have started talking about a night out they have planned, what they’re going to wear, where they’re going to eat, go out, how excited they are etc, a night/event that not one of the 7 girls in the office have invited me on. The first time this happened I was sat at my desk and all the girls gathered around one of the desks to talk excitedly about a night out they had coming up...this conversation lasted about 10 minutes. Not one person at any point asked if I was going (all of the other girls accept for me were invited). I didn’t mention anything but when they talked about it again the next day I asked where they were going and only 1 of them responded and asked the girl who arranged it how come I didn’t know. The one who arranged it forwarded an invite over and the whole department was invited on it apart from me. At that point I thought maybe an accident but whilst chatting about it so openly surely you’d think to ask me if I could go or at least mention it whilst I’m sat there, but no.
The second time was when I joined some of them for lunch, again they began talking about another night out this time ‘just girls’. One of the blokes said haven’t you been invited Becky and I said nope and laughed and asked where they were off to, they told me but didn’t ask if I wanted to go...they then changed the subject.
By this point I was wondering if there was an issue but I’ve never brought it up. I always try to put things into perspective, I have a good social life outside of work and good family in my life...I try and give myself a shake and think why am I bothered.
But today, another night out was mentioned. This time things like ‘did you get the invite for that’ ‘are you coming Sophie...it’s going to be a good night’ again I’m sat there not a clue about any of this and they’re all talking about diary invites. Then one of the girls gets up, walks past my desk and over to a lady at the far end of the office and says are you coming out on the 10th? She then walks back past me, to another lady and asks her the same. They all continue to talk about it and yet again I’m excluded from this gathering outside of work.
I feel I want to mention it but don’t want to sound desperate, but at the same time I just don’t see how this is accidental...it seems to be quite a deliberate way of excluding me and I don’t know why. There really is no back story to this. I’ve been back 2 months now and it’s very obvious I’m in the office, right there sat right next to them. I just feel it’s a little embarrassing. I get people form friendships at work and that can’t always include everyone, but when you’re having a general team night out and you’ve been left off the invite 3 times it feels a bit shit.
Should I mention it to my manager or leave it?