To get diagnosis for ASD??

[DownTheGardenPath]

Years ago I was seeing a psychologist who said I basically fit the bill for Aspergers, I then got referred to be assessed. Due to moving around, I had to be taken off the waiting list so naturally didn't bother again.

It's not really been a huge issue to be fair, however since starting a new relationship, my "issues" have regularly been highlighted.

Oh, I've name changed!

Do you want to?

I think the only reason I would is so when people say "why are you like this" I can give them a reason for it.

Il admit, reading into it.....I massively fit the bill

I am always told I am cold hearted, lack empathy, brutally honest, offensive, no filter.....the list goes on and on.

I despise change, I freak out horribly. Some noises absolutely grate on me (may be to do with my Tinnitus).

Who is highlighting your issues?

There’s also the potential benefit of feeling you have been given permission to be yourself and that you do not have to fight to do the impossible.

I saw this with DD who got her diagnosis (finally) at 16. She relaxed a lot and stopped masking and “owned” it in a way.

You’re not going to know the full benefits unless you do it. Truth is always worth having anyway, I think.

Sounds like I’m leaning towards “do it”

Autistic people have a lot of empathy. So much empathy that I can feel other people's feelings. I don't know what all their facial expressions always mean though!
Not all your symptoms, as you describe them, sound like autism.

After being told by my psychologist, I went on holiday and met a woman who had been diagnosed a few years before, we had a very long chat. She was adamant I had it too

Expressive empathy, or not knowing how to act on your empathy is different from not having empathy.

You might appear unempathetic to others despite feeling others’ emotions and understanding their viewpoint acutely.

To be honest I would be more concerned with why the person you are in a relationship is making you feel awkward about yourself

Dd is a diagnosed aspie and dh is quite obviously aspie as are most of his family

I accept dh for who he is and would never judge him, I don’t have that right

dd is diagnosed because she has had major problems due to her sensory symptoms that meant she needed the security of a formal diagnosis

Pursue the diagnosis by all means but for yourself not other people and stand tall, be proud of who you are

If my partner posted all my "issues" on here (without noting ASD) asking for advice......you'd all tell him to leave me.

Ugh I’m sorry but I hate continually reading how those with Aspergers apparently lack empathy. These kinds of stereotypes do nothing for people on the spectrum. My son was diagnosed at a young age. When he was about 3 years old I took him to London on a day out. He was eating sweets and we passed by a homeless person. My DS stopped, looked at the man, then looked at his sweets, then ran back to give his sweets to the man. If that’s not empathy I don’t know what is. My DS is one of the kindest, empathetic people I have ever met.

Don’t get a diagnosis if your just going to use it to excuse bad behaviour. My son has worked really hard, battled social anxiety, learnt how to be tactful, how to make and keep eye contact, so many things. I am really proud of him. He’s nearly 30 now and has a great life and good friends.

Maybe you need to put some work into addressing these traits rather than look for a label to excuse them. I’m sorry if that sounds harsh OP, but I just grinds on me how aspergers is portrayed so negatively.

The only way to know is via assessment unfortunately. Anything outside of that is a guess.

however since starting a new relationship, my "issues" have regularly been highlighted
If my partner posted all my "issues" on here (without noting ASD) asking for advice......you'd all tell him to leave me.

That seems such a strange reason for wanting a dx. Do you feel you need some sort of defence to be who you really are? Is he making you feel lesser in some ways?

Is it just this partner who is making you question yourself where previously you've been happy in your own skin? Is he trying to somehow mould you into behaving as an NT?

Apologies for all the questions, do treat them as rhetorical, but it sounds from your posts as if you are being made to feel different and being told you shouldn't be yourself, whivh is never okay.

Storm, do me a favour & take your pissy pants off!

I didn't say I lack empathy, I said others think I do!

I cried at a job interview for care work once. I also cried when residents died. I genuinely feel like people's feelings are my own when they express them to me. I watched my mum cry once & felt my own heart break. I watched my DS struggle for breath in a hospital bed & again, my heart broke for his poor little body.

So please read my OP properly. People say I lack empathy or it comes across that way, however it's completely untrue. I've had jobs where I've gone way above and beyond expected solely because I have much more empathy than others.

I don't intend to get a "label" to excuse "bad behaviour". I'd prefer it if you didn't come on here and judge me thank you

Do it, get an assessment. I have dyspraxia and my nearly 12 year old has aspergers syndrome. We have both benefited a lot from having a diagnosis.

I'm always judged for being "me", it's not okay to feel overwhelmed by the outside world, it's not okay to not want to engage with people all the time, it's weird I have no friends, it's stupid I freak out in busy places.

I've been judged by pretty much everyone I meet.

WTF Storm?! She’s saying partners are basically slagging her off and mischaracterising her behaviours.

X post.

Then you must do it to make sense of it all for yourself. It’s damaging to your self esteem to continue like this

Stop debating it, just make the arrangements.

Congratulate your son for me storm, but I'm 28 and no where near being at the place he is.

I struggle with life everyday.

I am told I am inappropriate a lot, I don't grasp the "norms" of society.

I've given advice in the past and been scolded for being so harsh and brutal (definitely not my intention, I'd hate to hurt anyone).

Social situations are an absolute nightmare for me, I enjoy the idea of having friends but I can't always read faces, body language or tones.

On to the practicalities of getting a Dx.
An NHS dx can take up to a couple of years because the services are so over-stretched. So many people now as adults having their kids dxd then seeing traits in themselves or family members so adult services are struggling to cope.
If you need an NHS dx, then the route is see your GP with evidence why you believe you have ASD, that can be helped with an online AQ test as well as evidence of difficulties within the Triad of Impairments.

If you want to follow a private route, there are many options, some ask for GP referral, others accept private patients, the Gold standard being the Lorna Wing Centres.

Most services are diagnostic only and it can take some time to adjust afterwards because there is little or no ongoing support, you have the report and that's it.

I apologise that I got the wrong end of the stick from this part...

I am always told I am cold hearted, lack empathy, brutally honest, offensive, no filter.....the list goes on and on.

You didn’t say anywhere previously that those things weren’t true so I assumed (and I accept wrongly) that you agreed with them. If in fact you are not any of those things, then the issue is not you, it’s them!

In which case, if someone says to you “you lack empathy” then if you turned around and told them “it’s because I have ASD” then you’d be doing yourself a disservice.

That now changes the whole dynamic for me and I think that you shouldn’t get a diagnosis for other people.

I’m sorry that I misunderstood.

Sadly I feel there is a woeful lack of support for adults trying to cope with any kind of disorder. Maybe try looking at some of the websites for people with asd, they have social groups and things like that, which may be useful? Is your partner trying to support you? There are also resources they could access that might help in understanding.

I found a diagnosis was really valuable in terms of my own self esteem and recognising my own limits.

Action for Aspergers are an excellent resource.