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AIBU?

This Morning - Kids having ears pierced is child abuse ?

275 replies

daffodillament · 08/05/2018 11:52

What utter nonsense. Just tuned in as heard them mention this subject stemmed from Mumsnet ! Now the woman is saying Kids ear piercing is basicly the same as FGM !! I mean WTF ? Get a grip. No it not !

OP posts:

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TorviBrightspear · 08/05/2018 13:44

ICantCopeAnymore
Most reputable tattoo places won't do it for children under 16.

It'll be a condition of their licence to operate from the council, not to pierce under-16s.

I waited until DD was 10, and we had a chat. I have multiple piercings, and DD is following suit, but there's no way I'd had allowed any piercing below 10. It's got to be the child's decision at an age when they can understand and also be able to care for it properly.

Notsureabc · 08/05/2018 13:48

I do think culture is an issue though. My partner is of a different culture and his family put pressure on me to pierce my daughters ears at 6 days old. Yup 6 DAYS and I was constantly asked 24/7 about when I would do it until I finally gave in it 6 months. Personally I wouldn’t have bothered as I think it’s nice to go with her at the end of year 6 etc like I did w my mum and sister. However don’t under estimate in laws etc. Btw I live with my in laws so couldn’t ignore it easily.

Jaxhog · 08/05/2018 13:48

Of course it isn't as bad as FMG. But it's a bit like saying an occasional punch isn't as bad as being beaten to a concussion or broken arm. Both are abuse.

SilverySurfer · 08/05/2018 13:51

Of course not comparable to FGM but I think it's beyond vile to punch holes in a baby's/young child's body unless for medical reasons.

Soubriquet · 08/05/2018 13:51

Someone posted this photo on fb of her 6 month old baby with a pretend dimple piercing.

Now obviously it caused a lot of outrage but she has a brilliant point. Why is this not ok but ears are?

full link

This Morning - Kids having ears pierced is child abuse ?

mypickleliesovertheocean · 08/05/2018 13:53

Just because it isn't on the level of FGM doesn't mean it isn't abuse.

You are deliberately hurting your child so they look "pretty". On what planet is that not abuse?

mypickleliesovertheocean · 08/05/2018 13:54

If a husband forced his wife to have needles stuck through her ears so she looked pretty, would that not be abuse?

BlueBug45 · 08/05/2018 13:57

@Soubriquet talking to friends' who have had other parts pierced over the years and having had multiple piercings in my ears, where ears are normally pierced is not as sensitive. They also don't get as infected as easily from bacteria, debris and/or food trapped in them.

Therightphalange · 08/05/2018 14:01

What age is 'old enough to consent' though?

I had mine done when I was 5 - I wanted them done so my mum took me. Lots of girls had them done at that age amongst my friends. I'm not scarred by the experience at all, I certainly don't see it as 'abuse'.

Smeddum · 08/05/2018 14:05

@Therightphalange being old enough to talk, and understand what they’re asking for would be a start.

Ohyesiam · 08/05/2018 14:06

Well it’s objectifying, because you are doing it to make them look prettier/ better.
In Brazil it’s done the day after birth by the obstetrician in hospital! My daughter was giggled at and referred to as a hermaphrodite when she was a baby there without pierced ears.

Therightphalange · 08/05/2018 14:08

Yes Smeddum I have to say I don't really like it on babies, although that does seem to be quite a cultural thing.

I'm just thinking is say, 5 (the age at which I, perfectly happily had mine done) , old enough? You can talk, you can voice you want it done and your parents can explain that it will hurt and you need to look after them. But 5 seems young to 'consent' to anything like that really. I supposed it's not like having a tattoo which really is permanent.

mzcracker · 08/05/2018 14:08

If I walked up and stabbed a hole in someone without their consent it would be assault.
Why does that change when it's your child?.
It looks fucking awful on a baby as well but that's besides the point.

Colbu24 · 08/05/2018 14:10

I had mine pierced the day I was born. Pretty gold studs. It was part of the hospital package.
Normal stuff in México. I never thought about not being normal.
People think about it too much.

mzcracker · 08/05/2018 14:11

then the Assistant pierced one of her ears and the poor little thing screamed and cried and begged NOT to have the other one done - her mum and the shop assistant found it hilarious and both laughed their heads off at her, calling her soft, which only upset her even more - the poor little thing had not understood what was going to happen to her because she was, obviously, too young and had not associated the pretty earrings with having to have a hole pierced in both her ears.

I found this so upsetting to read. How is that not seen as abuse?.

Smeddum · 08/05/2018 14:13

@Therightphalange I also think there’s a huge difference between your child asking (as you did) and just pinning them down and doing it because you want to. That’s where I struggle to find any justification.

DD is nearly 5, if she wanted them done now I’d take her and get my second ones opened up again so she could make an informed choice. As it happens she’s not interested in getting them done and enjoy having wee clip on earrings, so it’s a moot point.

Helmetbymidnight · 08/05/2018 14:18

People think about it too much.

This is a really terrible argument.

DunnoWhy · 08/05/2018 14:20

I havent read the whole thread so i don't know if my point has been mentioned by anyone else but, PIERCED EARS ARE UNNATURAL AT ANY AGE . It's a weird, weird look where there are holes on your earlobes and something either stuck on the hole or hanging from the hole. It is weird and not all women like it / want it.

It's even worse for children.

And at the subject of making holes in little girls' ears, how about boys who want earrings when they are older? Do parents make advance decision on behalf of boys and make holes on their ears when they are young too? Or course not. So why on earth someone else deciding that girls would definitely want it?

Who stipulates girls need earrings to look pretty? Looking pretty for whom? I can't see myself looking pretty with something dangling from my ears, even if hundreds of people told me it looked pretty.

What an unnecessary and what a crap pressure on girls, yet another pressure, to "look good" for others, on other people's standards.

I don't have pierced ears at the age of 50 plus. I have never wanted earrings and i will never want it from now on either. I like jewellery in the shape of rings
and delicate bracelets and thats all. I'm glad my parents didn't inflict holes on my ears, I would have hated it and I would think it's abuse of my trust, since I couldn't object to it as a young child.

My Dd will have her ears pierced if she expresses a strong desire for it well into her teens. It's abuse of trust otherwise.

GallicosCats · 08/05/2018 14:23

I think that under-16s should only ever have piercings at places akin to minor surgery units with properly qualified staff and compulsory follow-up appointments where aftercare can be checked and treatment for complications can be given. The likes of Claire's etc should be banned from piercing children.

I allowed my DD to have her ears done at 8. I regretted it somewhat because she needed treatment with cream and antibiotics when the piercings got infected; she was OK but some of her friends had to let the piercing close up because they couldn't get on with it. There should be much more information and guidance on risks and complications.

Mummyoflittledragon · 08/05/2018 14:27

ATownCalledGallus
You said about piercing dogs ears. All dogs in France had to have an ear tattoo with an identification number until very recently. The law was changed some time in the 2000’s I believe.

We all microchip our pets incidentally.

Not that I’m for piercing little kids btw. Just making parallels.

Baubletrouble43 · 08/05/2018 14:28

I wouldn't compare it to fgm but I would consider it to be abusive. Inflicting physical pain on a baby so they look more decorative to you is pretty fucked up in my opinion.

JacquesHammer · 08/05/2018 14:30

The likes of Claire's etc should be banned from piercing children

Agree except I’d rather they were banned from piercings full stop!

They do cartilage piercings with guns

Evangeline3 · 08/05/2018 14:32

Perhaps people who say it's abuse have never encountered real cases of abuse.

What a load of bs, I've suffered from all kinds of abuse. Piercing holes in a vulnerable children's ears to alter their appearance is abuse.
Would you tattoo your baby?

Sirzy · 08/05/2018 14:33

Personally I would happily see it being banned for under 10s (at least!)

I don’t think being able to ask for it is enough either, they need to be able to understand and take responsibility for the care imo.

Cantdoright1 · 08/05/2018 14:36

I went into a shop today just as a 2 year old was having her ears pierced. I didn't know them and didn't see her sat in the chair before i entered the shop. She screamed and cried for ages. I left before they did the second ear. It's not fgm but it's not right.it looks chavy and pain is inflicted for vanity which is not what we should be teaching children. I can still hear that kids screams.

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