AIBU to let people know what MIL has been saying about them?

[Cookiesandcream99]

One of the reasons I don't spend too much time in MIL company is her incessant gossip about this person and that. Always negative. The neighbour who gets her shopping for her and walks her dog is a lazy so and so. Comments are made with an agenda "oh don't tell BIL that he would say you are out of order"....when actually that is her opinion. Sadly it took a long time for me to realise her behaviour nevertheless I don't offer any information and don't engage in gossip about other people. I should say that I tend to see her on my own with kids at a time when DH is working. He sees her more often maybe once a week takes her to appt runs some errands etc. but generally doesn't sit and have a conversation with her. He knows all to well what she is like.
Yesterday (The 2nd time I have seen her this year) I get a story about DNephew(15)...he is so overprotected by BIL...He can only open up to me and he told me in confidence that he is gay.
I gave no response and that was the end of that conversation.
My AIBU is that I really want to do SOMETHING to get her caught out.
She counts on other ppl not talking to each other. If this is 1. True then she has broken her grandsons confidence telling me when apparently his own parents don't know. Or 2. A crock of shit for dramas sakes then she needs to be caught out.
Wether is he is neither here nor there it's not a ground shattering family secret but she has no respect. This also rears a problem we have pulled her up previously where she used me as a go between for her and DH if she wanted something he would say no to (sadly it took me a while to figure that out aswell). Now I have information about his family which I keep from him or I tell him. I'm not telling him as it will perpetuate the gossip. But Jesus I want to get in touch with DN or BIL and let them know what she is saying. Should I? Or do I stay out of it?

She's a gossip. You know it and you can be guaranteed the rest of the family know it too. I don't know why you'd want to create massive hurt and drama by telling others "she told me this and that". It could backfire too as people may assume that if you know enough to pass along then you sat and listened, possibly even took part. Best to just shut her down when she starts.

Have you considered she might want you or the children to say something so she can sit back and enjoy the fall out?

I think the best thing to do would be to ignore. She might get tired of making up stories if the people she tells them to don't engage.

A mixture of say nothing and should say something then....at no point did I say I wanted to tell people she said xyz in fact I've said I wouldn't be perpetuating the gossip. But that this particular time the "gossip" was beyond a "she did this/that/the other" and this behaviour has crossed a line.
I'll probably do and say nothing tbh so as not to cause fuss or harm to anyone just as I said it felt a line had been crossed.
She is not housebound but has an expectation of other people to do things for her. Became more apparent after FIL died a few years back as he was the one who did it all for her.
I see her as little as possible but unless you go a full NC scenario then there are going to be times you are in company as a family.

cookies normally my advice would be not to say anything as everyone will know what's she's like to some extent. But this is about your DN's sexuality, and regardless of whether its true or not, if she's spreading this about further than you then it could have some awful repercussions for him and BIL/SIL and their relationship. Which is why I've said to say something to your DH. Not in a gossipy way, but in a I'm really concerned about this being said to other people way.

Have some answers ready:
"Ooh I'm not sure I should be hearing about this"
"My children are listening and will most likely repeat what you are saying"
"Why are you telling me this?"
"Let me stop you MIL, I don't think XXX would like it if they knew we were discussing this"
"Gosh I hope you don't talk about me like this/repeat what I tell you!"
If you want to panic her into stopping "oooh last time you said xyz the children heard and they kept repeating it to everyone so it's best we stop now."
She will get the message pretty quickly that you don't want to partake.

My mil is very negative on everyone, not just gossip but general nastiness so I make it my mission to wind her up buy switching it all to a positive.
"Nina has put on weight"
"Sign of contentment. Her and bil are so happy together aren't they?"

"Bil kids are so naughty and sil is useless at controlling them"
"They are such happy kids, I really admire how sil is so laid back with them. They are having a great childhood"

Might seem petty but games like this are what get me through the visits!

Not up to you to 'catch her out'. Stay out of it, nothing good ever comes out of feeding the drama. You hardly ever see her as it is (twice so far this year is really not much), just exchange mindless chit chat on the weather and such when you do see her and disengage.

I would stay out of it, she does not sound very nice at all. If she gossips about people, what is she saying behind your back about you. I would have as little as possible to do with her.

Stay well clear of it. My experience is people like this gossip as a way of seeing what gets fed back to others and trying to stir up trouble. Smile politely, nod, say nothing but remember everything.

I would get DH to speak to your nephew, or you depending on who is closer to him.

Tell him what's been said, say whether or not its true you wanted to let him know so he could decide if he wanted to speak to her about it, if he wants you to or if he'd rather nothing was said, whether its about not spreading the lie or about maintaining his confidence.

The example of your nephew is hardly the first betrayal of confidence she has said. Most likely you weren’t privy to all of it.

I agree with the posters who said say nothing. If it ever comes out that you supposedly ‘were told’ simply say you were unaware as you din’t listen to MIL let alone take heed of what she says.

I’m with Happyandyouknow Could you or your husband talk to your nephew? It’s his confidence that she has broken. He either doesn’t actually realise what she is like and has confided in the wrong person or he does realise that she will tell people and perhaps that’s the outcome he wanted. Either way it would be great for him to know he does actually have 1 or 2 adults he can talk to. If you haven’t already I think you need to check out with your children what they heard and what they understand. Behind her gossip is a potentially very vulnerable 15 year old.

Great minds talk about ideas
Average minds talk about events
Small minds talk about people

Mmm, I slightly disagree with Eleanor in this; I think it's possible to enjoy talking about all of them, but it's the how that matters. Talking about people is natural, but constantly criticising and finding fault just sucks everyone down into the negativity.
I used to be a bit this way, but I've worked quite hard to stop, as much as possible. It makes no-one any happier.

Eurgh, my grandad used to do this. He’s since died but it still irritates me when I hear cousins waxing lyrical about how lovely he was and I think, you wouldn’t bloody think that if you knew what he used to say about you. No amount of ‘I don’t want to hear this’ would make a difference, he’d just keep finding ways to slide it into conversations.

And of course I’m under no illusions - he definitely would have slagged me off to them too!

Towards the end he used to forget who was related to who and he once says something really nasty about my brother to me. I was very upset by that and told him so, but he wasn’t even embarrassed. People like this don’t change OP, I’m sorry I have no more wisdom than that. Just disengage and take a deep breath.