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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Doctor unhelpful about PND. To complain or not to complain?

26 replies

queenbiy · 08/05/2018 10:44

Sorry this is long and the grammar is probably awful
After much advice and encouragement from the lovely ladies of mumsnet I booked an appointment with the GP re postnatal depression. It's absolutely consuming my life at the minute and I feel like I'm always on the verge of tears and an anxiety attack. The doctor told me that because I have struggled with depression in the past it's likely that my feelings are not baby related (they 100% are). He then gave me a leaflet about self referring for counselling for which there's a minimum 9 month waiting list and said, "parenting is hard but you're probably just confusing tiredness with depression". I left feeling ten times worse and so alone.
I spoke to my Mum and sister and about it and they made me feel guilty for feeling the way I did, I asked my Mum to have the baby for the night because I wasn't feeling like I was in a good state of mind and she refused. I was fine with that, she doesn't have to say yes it's not her responsibility but my sister then said "wow, imagine having to look after your own child" and my mum laughed and agreed. It was the most awful humiliating feeling in the world. I now feel like I've exhausted all my options and I've never felt so trapped.
My DP (who is struggling too as he doesn't know how to help me) suggested that I complain about the GP and request to see another. However I feel like maybe it's more of a lack of funding toward mental health than the individual GP, I would feel bad if he had done all he could in the circumstances and then I complained. So AIBU unreasonable to complain?

OP posts:
ZaphodBeeblerox · 08/05/2018 10:52

Yanbu to complain. and sorry that your mum and sis weren’t very supportive. Ask to see a different GP. Ask them to administer a PND questionnaire if they keep minimising it and ask for a referral for support.
Meanwhile can your DP give you an evening off or some time off in the mornings by looking after your child? Did you exercise before? Going for a walk everyday could be a good start, or a run if you can manage the childcare. I also found talking to other mums (either in real life or online) helps a lot! Are there any baby classes or coffee mornings you could go to?

BamBamIsALittleShit · 08/05/2018 10:53

No, definitely see another GP, at my surgery the doctors couldn't be more different from each other. I'm sorry you're having such a hard time.

Wildlingofthewest · 08/05/2018 10:54

How old is your baby OP?
For what it’s worth, I’ve never suffered from depression but for about 4 weeks after my baby was born I was a mess. I was crying all the time, felt totally out of it, felt really disconnected from everything - it was horrible. It was likely just the post birth hormone drop/exhaustion. It passed.
You may have PND or your depression may have come back. Or you may just be feeling low like I was.
When you had depression in the past, how was this treated? Did you have medication or CBT/ therapy?
What support did you get from your mum & sister during that time?

I would seek a second opinion from a different doctor. Explain how you feel now, and why you wanted a second opinion. The NHS is so stretched so unfortunately the 9 month waiting list is not surprising. Can you afford to have some private sessions?

theredjellybean · 08/05/2018 10:57

GP here, I would definitely see another doctor at the practice. Complaining may just cause another stress etc, I don't think they were great but we were not present at your consultation so it is impossible to say they were bad enough to complain.
Concentrate your energy on finding better help, have you talked to your health visitor? They can often offer support and advice on seeking gp help.
Ask health visitor if there are any local pnd support groups locally as well.
But absolutely 100% please make another doctor appointment

Pickleypickles · 08/05/2018 10:58

Definately complain.
And with regards to your mum and sister please dont take what they say to heart, being a parent is bloody hard, ots harder when your ill and trying to be a parent. I dont/didnt have PND and i still ask my mum to have DD occaissonally over night to have a break.
PND is an awful illness at a time where everyone tells you how happy you should be. Be kind to yourself Flowers

MrsWooster · 08/05/2018 11:01

Absolutely see someone else and contact your hv. There is a specific questionnaire to diagnose pnd. My hv saw it when I thought it was 'just' depression and the q'iare diagnosis accessed a lot of support through perinatal mental health and, prob, saved my sanity such as it is maybe even my life and certainly my relationship w dd. Don't be fobbed off.

ILikeMyChickenFried · 08/05/2018 11:04

Is your HV decent? It may be helpful to get her on side too. She can be a support with visits and also speak to the GP if needs be x

Dreamingofkfc · 08/05/2018 11:08

If you previously had depression, you should have had enhanced postnatal care as more likely to get PND. Is your health visitor any help at all? I wouldn't necessarily complain about the GP but ask to see another one

SunnyCoco · 08/05/2018 11:08

In my area there are several charities which offer free counselling / therapy / support for PND and other post natal mental health issues.
Could you Ask your partner to research charities and children’s centres in your area who offer this, as usually the waiting lists are much smaller and you won’t have to go through the GP surgery again. Plus it will be a positive way for your partner to help you x

userabcname · 08/05/2018 11:09

Oh bless you OP; I have no real advice other than to say seek a second opinion but please don't feel bad or ashamed. I'm so sorry your mum and sister were so unsupportive. What a way to kick you when you're down. I hope you get the help and support you need soon.

Treaclepie19 · 08/05/2018 11:21

I want to send you a very unmumsnetty hug.
See another doctor and please ignore what your family have said. They've not been supportive at all.
You're not alone and you can get help with this.

SarahSiddons · 08/05/2018 11:25

Yes see another doctor as a priority. Decide later whether you want to complain about the first one, don’t worry about that now. Just tell the receptionist you want to see someone else.

Regarding your family, some people just don’t get it. I didn’t find my mum very helpful, she told me everyone finds having a baby hard. I don’t know whether she just couldn’t imagine someone having a different experience from her, or whether maybe she did have PND herself but it wasn’t recognised or treated in those days.

LifeBeginsAtGin · 08/05/2018 11:29

Has your Health Visitor not done a PND questionnaire with you. It should be part of their care to you. Google Edinburgh Postnatal Scale.

Your HV should be your first point of call - they are more aware of this and can sign post you appropriatley.

Louiselouie0890 · 08/05/2018 12:05

I would complain. My GP spent 40 minutes with me while I cried and cried. He spoke to me about tablets I was unsure he got in touch with my health visitor to come my house the same day to speak to me some more. He then got in touch with a mental health team who i had an appointment with a few days later then he wanted to see me every two weeks. They were all amazing.

LoveProsecco · 17/05/2018 22:41

OP how are you?

penguinsnpandas · 17/05/2018 22:45

I wouldn't complain but would see another GP. Doesn't sound like your family is helping anything either.

thetriangleisarealinstrument · 17/05/2018 22:47

Im so sorry you had that experience Flowers
GPs can be notoriously shit about mental health and in particular post natal mental health. Id try your health visitor instead or see another GP as you do get the odd one who knows what they are talking about re MH.
Your health visitor or midwives will be much more clued up on this than a GP. You will find that once you get referred to actual mental health services they will be really good and take you seriously.
I had an initial hard time getting anyone to see me via the GP but once I was referred to the crisis team they were absolutely amazing.

I dont think you would be unreasonable to complain about the GP you saw at all.... hopefully it will help to step up mental health training if you do

MissConductUS · 17/05/2018 22:48

Complain and seek a second opinion. There's a standard screening tool for depression that can be administered in a few minutes:

patient.info/doctor/patient-health-questionnaire-phq-9

He should have done that and then given you a prescription if talk therapy wasn't readily available.

I had PND too. It's very common and needs to be seen to.

123bananas · 17/05/2018 23:00

If you have the energy complain, but you might feel right now that is just one thing too much.

I would phone your HV, not only can they do a postnatal depression assessment as others have said, but they can also phone the GP on your behalf and stick a rocket up their arse. GP's tend to pull their finger out pretty quick once they have had a few choice words.

You can also see another GP in the practice too.

I am sorry you are feeling so awful right now unmumsnetty hugs.

deboraci · 17/05/2018 23:07

I wouldn't complain, but definitely request to see a different GP to get a second opinion.

penguinsnpandas · 17/05/2018 23:16

I would try the self-referral too, they may have cancellations.

MustBeDreaming · 17/05/2018 23:28

My GP was similarly rubbish and told me I couldn't have PND because I was smiling when talking to her. I spoke to my health visitor instead and I had a referral to the local mental health team and was seen by a therapist within the fortnight. Referrals for postnatal mental health in my area are bumped up the queue faster than usual as well, which my health visitor knew about but the GP didn't.

Your mum and sister have been really unsupportive. You're ill and need love, understanding and practical help, not sarcasm and criticism. Flowers

Fruitcorner123 · 17/05/2018 23:34

op i know loads of people have already said this but please please please see another GP sorry but your mum and sister are twats

Namechange128 · 17/05/2018 23:36

Agree with seeing another gp. If that's tricky, can you also talk to your health visitor? Hope you can get some more support.

JennyWoodentop · 18/05/2018 00:28

So sorry to hear you are struggling.

Complain or not, that's up to you, but I would suggest your energy would be better used to get appropriate treatment since you have recognised you need help.
The information you were given about counseling may be the reality for psychological therapies in your area & if it is, that's not your GP's fault.
Medication may be an option for you while you wait for counseling, so if you are willing to try that, seeing another GP would be a start. They also may have other resources for counseling that would have a shorter wait list.

Sadly it is probably easy enough to find another GP, but you are stuck with your family. They sound unsupportive. I hope you have some good friends & a good health visitor. Check out baby groups in your area for company & support. Life with a little one can be so isolating, especially if family are not much help & your friends are all at work.

Good luck.