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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder if some posters ever think before they respond to an OP

30 replies

user1485342611 · 07/05/2018 20:44

I've just seen several threads today where responses to the OP have been unnecessarily rude, nasty, personal and unpleasant. I'm not talking about threads where the OP has posted something really insensitive, contentious or goody. Just threads where OPs have expressed minor annoyance about something, or posted a perfectly innocuous opinion. Some of them must be feeling dreadful at the nasty, snippy, hurtful, unfair or malicious responses being piled down on them.

AIBU to think that, even if you are disagreeing with an OP, you should remember that they're a real person with God knows what going on in their lives and a bit of civility wouldn't go amiss?

OP posts:
CaptainCabinets · 07/05/2018 20:46

🍿

If you enter the viper pit, you can expect to be bitten!

FissionChips · 07/05/2018 20:47

We have this same thread every week, it’s the Internet, you can’t stop people being twats as long as they follow the talk guidelines.

JassyRadlett · 07/05/2018 20:48

Some posters don’t even bother to read before they post, so I suspect thinking critically about what they’re writing isn’t high on their list of priorities...

applesisapple5 · 07/05/2018 20:49

'Are you usually this controlling?' Grin

TwitterQueen1 · 07/05/2018 20:51

Has someone been nasty to you OP? Wink

Original poster
user1485342611 · 07/05/2018 20:52

No Twitter I haven't started any threads in the last few days. Just opened a few in a row where I was Shock at the piling on.

OP posts:
SinceWhenDid · 07/05/2018 20:53

I agree with you. I've been on MN for 15 years and I really notice the nastiness these days.

STOPSHOUTINGPLS · 07/05/2018 20:53

Generally I agree with you but it cuts both ways. Sometimes the original post is itself goady or unreasonable and you get replies trying to engage with that politely that become more forceful to make a point that isn't being listened to.

It is generally true of the internet that people say plenty of things to and about others that they wouldn't say to their face - but then the same is true of plenty of OPs slagging off others or fishing for compliments or bragging openly.

Original poster
user1485342611 · 07/05/2018 20:56

Oh I agree STOP and if someone posts something really goody or unpleasant they should know what they're letting themselves in for.

But the threads I'm thinking of are pretty innocuous ones where, even if you disagree with the OP, it wouldn't be something that should really rile or upset you. But yet on and on they come, one response nastier than the next, running to pages and pages. It's horrible.

OP posts:
LastOneDancing · 07/05/2018 20:58

As a general rule I think you can ignore the first 3 posts on any thread because they're usually unhelpful and rude.

You don't need to think much to be spiky and unkind so those posters are quick off the mark. Thoughtful posts take longer.

Awomansworkisneverdone · 07/05/2018 21:01

I certainly have been on the receiving end of some nasty posters. My mind set is conditioned by my father who always bought me up to never care what people who you don’t know or are not friends or family say. Key board warriors Smile just a shame for those who genuinely need advice.

mercurymaze · 07/05/2018 21:03

It's a lot more reactive these days but in the past I have got swept along with stuff I guess it's just so popular now

BlancheM · 07/05/2018 21:05

Yeah it's shit. These threads usually attract the sorts of posters you're referring to though, unfortunately 😬

Original poster
user1485342611 · 07/05/2018 21:06

Yes, I agree that some posters are very quick to reply to a thread - usually with rude unpleasant comments that they think are funny. Unfortunately a lot of other easily led posters decide to join in the 'fun' without really thinking about whether they agree or disagree with the OP and the whole thread becomes a bullying bitchfest.

OP posts:
Cornettoninja · 07/05/2018 21:07

I often wonder what point some people are trying to make. There's literally nothing of value sometimes other than a snidey dig. What do they get from it? They don't even appear offended.

I would prefer to think it's a particularly uninspiring troll at times but have met too many people irl Ike it to delude myself. Sadly there are just some proper nasty pieces of work out there who appear to have a biological need to inflict themselves on others.

Nestinghedgehog · 07/05/2018 21:11

Awomansworkisneverdone _ I too have also been on the receiving end of really rude and personal comments. Makes me laugh as the keyboard warriors are absolutely incensed and getting in a right old flap about something that is NOTHING to do with them personally and then keep coming back saying "OP why haven't you replied" - the reason i haven't replied is because you are being twats and i have realised that you know nothing and I should not have bothered posting on mumsnet - stupid tarts

YouBetterWORK · 07/05/2018 21:16

OP " aibu"
MN "yes you are"
OP "ah, I am aren't I? My bad"
SECTION OF MN "Nooo! How dare you admit you're wrong before I've had my say! I wanted to give you a good verbal kicking. I shall do it anyway. Kick kick kick"

OP "Look guys, I admitted it 3 pages ago, I was being -"
SECTION OF MN "Kick kick kick"

This annoys me greatly.

Pluckedpencil · 07/05/2018 21:17

It's not Mumsnet though, it's the internet. Radio 4 women's hour is really interesting at the moment on this. They are doing a series of interviews entitled 'take back control' about the way people treat you online, the effects on different people's lives and also how to be a little more savvy and deal with trolls. I can recommend it, good listening.

tiredbutFuckIt · 07/05/2018 21:20

That Radio 4 thing sounds interesting, thanks Plucked

People who go OTT with the point scoring kicking just make themselves look like arses

Original poster
user1485342611 · 07/05/2018 21:20

That's true Pluckedpencil. I suppose I've just noticed a particular level of nastiness on here today, but I've certainly seen really shocking behaviour on other forums as well.
Some posters just seem to hop with glee onto any thread where there's a bit of nastiness going on so that they can get involved. It's pathetic, but it can also be upsetting. I've experienced it myself and it can really make you feel like shit. But presumably that's what the posters are aiming at.

OP posts:
SinceWhenDid · 07/05/2018 21:34

Radio 4 programme sounds interesting.

Even when I start innocuous threads I worry about what the reaction of some posters will be. Well maybe not quite worry, but it certainly crosses my mind in a way it never used to.

It would definitely put me off starting more controversial threads that's for sure.

Wolfiefan · 07/05/2018 21:38

The thread about checking passports turned nasty really quick. There have been a few recently.

Awomansworkisneverdone · 07/05/2018 21:40

Do you ever post and then wonder... why did I bother Grin

Username9876543 · 07/05/2018 21:43

LTB

SinceWhenDid · 07/05/2018 21:46

Yes definitely! And the passport thread was odd!

Another one went something like this:

OP: AIBU to have half a pint of shandy 4 hours before driving as I've had a tough week and would like to relax with a drink

MN: How dare you put the lives of everyone at risk and you're obviously an alcoholic if you feel you need alcohol to relax.

The mind boggles

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