to think this cant be so

[freeicecream]

I have a niece who is 25 we are very close and she has always been a role model to my 16yo dd. dd confides in niece a lot and looks up to her

It gives me peace of mind knowing that dd has someone who will give her good advise about things that 16 year olds would not talk to their parents about,

last night my niece called me in tears and said that dd told her that she used cocaine last weekend, niece is devastated and asked me not to tell dd that it came from her as she feels like she is betraying her

I want to respect my nieces wishes for the simple fact that dd will speak to her about things and thats good in my eyes

the problem is how do I approach this? I know the obvious thing to do is tell dd i know and how I know but this will stop her confiding in niece in the future so if something else like this comes up I may never find out

Niece has done the right thing.. could you have the drug conversation with dd and hope she confides in you ?

Can your neice encourage her to talk to you? Offer to be present etc?

No, don't tell your dd you know anything, she will never trust your dn again.
Can you pretend you heard something on the news about drugs or something and steer the conversation towards talking about it?

If you betray the nieces confidence then you will ruin the relationship she has with your daughter forever, then if things did take a turn for the worse your daughter wouldn't have the support.

Is there no way you can 'find out' from somewhere else - who did she do it with/where/could she have been 'seen' by 'someone' when obviously on drugs (coke, especially in new users tends to make them wide eyed, unusual jaw movements, overly chatty, give them a kind of 'shh' sound when they talk, not know when to shut up - also white nose residue can be noticed by others if they aren't careful) - if she was in public/at a club/in a pub then any of the above could have been 'seen' by someone else & then you leave your niece entirely out of the picture?

Very tricky one OP, as a parent I would be devastated. I was also that teen once..

Talk to your niece. Thank her for telling you, ask her if DD has said she enjoyed it & will do it again or hated it & wont do it again.

Definitely don’t talk to DD about it yet.

For now I agree with others- talking to her directly she will know it’s come from your niece & then that will strain their relationship. What did your niece say? Could you ask her to talk to her about the consequences?
Coming from you ‘out of the blue’ could be a bit suss.

Did she give anymore details? Such as where she took it and who gave it to her?

Are you friends with any of her friends parents?

Tricky situation.

I would absolutely tell her you know and take it from there.

The whole not saying because it came from you niece wouldn't work for me. There are certain situations where a confidence should be broken. A 16yo taking cocaine is one of them. I would prioritise my being able to broach this over their relationship any day of the week.