Office banter - is this acceptable in an open plan office?

[Aika]

A junior colleague has confided in me after overhearing a man in the office discussing with another man a meeting he'd just had with a female colleague. ''She was clutching to her skirt the whole meeting as if trying to stop me from looking up there. Why would I want to look up there? she had three kids coming out of that disgusting place, I am not interested in her ......"
Now, this was a semi-private conversation between two people, which my colleague just happened to overhear (she was not eavesdropping but she was not part of the conversation either), but it was in an open plan office. Since she works closely with both men, she felt uncomfortable to know that this is how they discuss women between themselves. I don't work with them that often, but I am completely put off from having any professional relationship with either of them. In fact, I feel disgusted.
AIBU? WWYD?

That’s so hard, I hate this kind of behaviour at work. For your part it’s only hearsay so you can’t really do anything. I’d talk to your junior colleague about coping with that kind of behaviour, depending on her confidence levels she can either say something at the time, a quite simple calm ‘do you mind? I can hear your entire conversation’. Or she can talk to her line manager.

Ugh. What a horrible man.

I think she should speak to her line manager. Nobody should be speaking like that at work.

If she can hear the conversation, it's not private. And they clearly have massive issues with women.

I'd encourage your colleague to talk to a manager.

Completely inappropriate and misogynistic - make a complaint to HR, a formal complaint, where he is named.

I'd echo all of that!

Your junior colleague needs to learn a few assertive remarks, like "Are you aware that I/we can hear everything you are saying?"

And she needs to talk to her line manager, if only to make them aware that there may be something of an atmosphere developing. Basically, why did he even notice and why did he think the woman's behaviour was anything to do with him? And that is before you get to the misogyny in his little speech! He sounds insecure, unpleasant and not a little bit freaked out by women in the workplace!

‘That disgusting place’?

Sounds weirdly misogynistic and twee all at the same time.

That's not banter.
It's completely inappropriate. What a horrible hostile work experience.

Work experience?
Workplace!

In an open plan office, there's no such thing as a semi-private conversation.

Over a decade ago, I used to work for a large US bank and they were very clear that if you were overheard in the office saying anything even vaguely offensive/discrimatory, even if it was a private conversation, if the person who overheard was offended and reported it, you were liable to be disciplined and/or fired. As an employer, they were light years ahead of their time in terms of diversity etc.

Like others have said, I'd suggest the junior colleague speaks to her line manager.

Are you asking if it’s app propitiate to discuss a colleagues, or anyone’s genitals in an office?

No. No it isn’t. That question shouldn’t even need to be asked.

appropriate

yes of course the woman was harassing the man by holding her skirt. Yawn.

Yawn all you like love, I've sent people home for worse.

Perhaps the man felt, by her actions, the woman was intimating he was some sort of sex pest?

This wont go down well, if you're tugging your skirt, it's too short for business attire, dress properly in future. No the work place isn't an 'any one should be able to wear anything they like' environment. It isn't a night club or your own front room

FFS. Really?

Or, given the conversation overheard, the man made the woman feel really uncomfortable.

That's nice, dear!

Yawn all you like love, I've sent people home for worse.

For worse? Or did you mean for less? Otherwise that makes no sense.

Yawn all you like love, I've sent people home for worse.

Well I suppose you can do what you like in your own imagination.

God I feel sick reading that OP.

What a pig that man sounds.

Yep iI would report it.

I would report it!!!

Disgusting. Most workplaces have formal policies/guidelines on respect and appropriate behaviour and language, don't they?

I'd encourage your colleague to familiarise herself with your employer's policies and then she can talk to HR or her manager with confidence.

And the assumption on his part is that she was stopping him looking up her skirt.
Perhaps she had laddered her tights or was adjusting her skirt in some way. He just can’t imagine that she wasn’t thinking about him.

Thank you for your messages everyone - I will show them to my colleague. And we do have policies in place, as well as widely publicised commitment to promote gender equality.

He sounds insecure, unpleasant and not a little bit freaked out by women in the workplace! - this is funny because it really accurately describes the man. He is very bad at his job and is disliked by men and women for his arrogance.

What a pity his mother didn't feel that way before letting him come out of that disgusting place. Then he wouldn't exist. Lovely.

@NewYearNewMe18

This wont go down well, if you're tugging your skirt, it's too short for business attire, dress properly in future. No the work place isn't an 'any one should be able to wear anything they like' environment. It isn't a night club or your own front room.

Yes, that's what should be taken away from this discussion 🤣