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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say no to exs new partner staying over?

27 replies

ashbah1980 · 07/05/2018 13:19

DD2 is 18 tomorrow.

Ex is flying over tonight and asked last week if he could sleep on the couch so he is here for DD waking up on her birthday. Thought it a bit odd as he didn't do it for DD1s 18th and has never done it for another special birthday (keeping in mind it was DD3s 13th last month) but have agreed.

He has a partner of 12 months. DDs cant stand her- I've only met her once and did so with an open mind but she is very shallow and grabby. DD2 literally cannot stand her and will only visit her Dad if she isnt about- so she wont want her here for her birthday, right?

According to ex I am being unreasonable and I must be jealous of their relationship which couldn't be further from the truth.

I've told him not to bring her over.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Rainboho · 07/05/2018 13:21

I would say no.

Neither you or your DDs want it. If he is that bothered he can have a hotel nearby and wake up early and drive over.

He is a cheeky fucker.

HolyMountain · 07/05/2018 13:21

God no, stand your ground.

You’ve met her once, she’s your Ex’s gf so why on earth would he think she’d should stay over?

HolyMountain · 07/05/2018 13:22

*she

Smeddum · 07/05/2018 13:22

DDs cant stand her

That line alone says no, YANBU.

He can say what he likes. It’s not his house. Let him be petty, it’s not up to him to tell you what you are or aren’t.

Aprilmightbemynewname · 07/05/2018 13:22

Send him details of local travel lodge!!

Beeziekn33ze · 07/05/2018 13:24

You don't want her, DDs especially DD2 whose 18th it is can't stand her. No brainer!

Leeds2 · 07/05/2018 13:25

YANBU.

If Ex is sleeping on the sofa, where does he imagine she will sleep? I can't imagine she would want to stay anyway.

Get him to stay over, with her, in a nearby hotel and drive over early to be with DD2. And make sure he knows not to bring his partner with him, given that the birthday girl doesn't like her.

AnneLovesGilbert · 07/05/2018 13:25

Don’t send him details of hotels! He’s a grown up, he can find them both suitable accommodation. Poor DD and poor you. He’s being a knobber. It’s his daughter’s birthday. That’s the focus. Not his new gf.

emmyrose2000 · 07/05/2018 13:27

YANBU!

AmazingPostVoices · 07/05/2018 13:30

If she was a longstanding partner who your DD was close to I’d say grit your teeth.

But your DD doesn’t like her so why on earth would you?

Clutterbugsmum · 07/05/2018 13:43

Sounds less like he wants to stay and wake with DD in the morning off her birthday and more like he to tight to pay for a hotel room for the night.

Don't be shocked if he suddenly changes his mind about coming.

RestingBitchFaced · 07/05/2018 13:45

Where is she supposed to sleep? No way

Clutterbugsmum · 07/05/2018 13:58

Where is she supposed to sleep? OP is supposed to give her bed and sleep on the sofa Wink

expatinscotland · 07/05/2018 14:00

FFS, it's YOUR home. Tell him no. Actually, fuck that, tell him to find a hotel.

LartenCrepsley · 07/05/2018 14:02

No, that’s weird. YANBU

Mummyoflittledragon · 07/05/2018 14:03

Rates himself doesn’t he?! I’m surprised he wanted to stay seeing as he’s so inrresistible. You may want to jump him. Wink

kateandme · 07/05/2018 14:17

no.dont let anything they say guiltrip you.
this isn't his house nor his birthday.
calmly state no.dont react if he goads just keep stating your no.
also make sure he doesn't get to your dd.it has been known here for him to text her with guilt trip and she changed her mind on things.

Original poster
ashbah1980 · 07/05/2018 14:43

DD2, fortunately, isnt soft and would tell her Dad where to go if he texts her.

Its werid enough him being here- but DDs are super excited as they hardly see him and he is a good dad so cant take that away from him.

OP posts:
AprilLady4 · 07/05/2018 14:48

He isn't that much of a good dad if DDs hardly see him.

CaptainCabinets · 07/05/2018 15:21

Huh? Did he ask if his new partner could stay at your house or are you just assuming?

Sharonthetotallyinsane · 07/05/2018 15:23

He isn't that much of a good dad if DDs hardly see him.

I was thinking that.

Original poster
ashbah1980 · 07/05/2018 15:28

April/Sharon: he lives abroad so its difficult

OP posts:
AmazingPostVoices · 07/05/2018 15:43

It’s not difficult. He doesn’t bring his girlfriend or he books a hotel.

user1493413286 · 07/05/2018 15:48

I’d tell him to stay in a hotel and get to yours early. I’m a bit confused what he’s expecting at 18 as she’s probably unlikely to rush down starry eyed and over excited like a young child. I’d understand it more if it was his first birthday away from her when she’s younger but I think she’ll find it weird.
At 9 DSD finds it a bit weird to have her Mum and dad in the same place for too long as she’s not used to seeing them together

happypoobum · 07/05/2018 15:49

yanbu - he should book a hotel.