No gratitude from BIL

[PermanentlyHungry]

My DH & I bought my BIL children gifts. By the end of the day the gifts would've been opened we hadn't received a text/call to say Thankyou. Eventually my MIL (who was staying with them at the time) text us to say Thankyou. I was really annoyed that the Thankyou had come from my MIL rather than my BIL who upto now has not acknowledged the gifts we bought. I mentioned it to my MIL who didn't seem to grasp how inappropriate it was for her to text us on there behalf. IABU to be annoyed about this?

Maybe you’ll get a little note in the post?
I get mine to hand write thank yous For gifts from people they haven’t seen to thank personally.

Sometimes we’ll text or FaceTime.

It would depend on the gift and the closeness of the people involved.

Also giving is about giving not the thanks you will get.

I like a thank you but I don’t expect it on the day they receive the presents.

What were the gifts for? For example if it’s for children’s birthdays and they’ve had a party that day then the parents are probably run ragged and exhausted

Some people just don't do 'thank yous' - I never get a thank you from my DB's chldren, even though they are now old enough to do it themselves. I think it is incredibly rude. We don't see them face to face so they can't thank us personally, it would be so easy for them to send a text or email.

But they don't. I know they are received because they are cheques that are cashed (inc. a substantial one for an 18th).

I always encourage force my teenage DS to send proper thank you letters.

I have stopped expecting a thank you and that is better than seething about it; once all children have reached 18 I will tell my DB that we can now stop exchanging gifts.

I wouldn't bother again. My bil hasn't thanked us for any of the gifts we got his son for birth Christmas 1st birthday. My sons have all had burthdays and not so much as had a birthday card. Hes just had another child and im afraid they won't be getting anything from me. Im not the only one either that's noticed the rude and selfish behavior.

Yep we have a similar situation with my cousins. Very weird. Just accepted that some people don’t feel the need to thank you (but will otherwise act very nicely). Odd.

Ffs birthdays*

Are you certain mil hasn't passed the gifts off as from her??

Thankyou for the replies.

TBH my OP is part of a bigger problem with my BIL. I have a few instances where his behaviour has been off but I always end up feeling like I'm the one being unreasonable so it's good to hear other people have had similar experiences.

When my BIL's first born arrived we naturally wanted to buy something for the new arrival. As they live away we didn't know what they had/needed/would like & as we wanted to buy them something they would use my DH emailed him to ask for gift suggestions. He replied & just said "use your common sense".

We have mentioned stuff to my MIL but she makes excuses for him. Yet if we do anything she deems incorrect she'll make her point by being sarcastic or passive aggressive with us.

I sense your annoyance & can completely understand why. I can not get my head around why someone would not say Thankyou for a gift. We had decided not to send cards or gifts anymore. We feel guilty (for the children) but it's easier than going to the effort knowing full well it won't be appreciated. I chat to my mum about it who sees our POV but ultimately thinks we shouldn't take our anger out on the children (by not sending stuff) but I think it's easy to say that when you're not the one wasting your time, money, effort without any appreciation. How hard is it just to send a quick text. We see on FB that my BIL posts Thankyous to his FB friends if they comment on stuff he's done so it's not he can't say it, it's more he feels he doesn't need to bother for us so we haven taken it personally.

How long has it now been? I’d give people a few days especially with children as I often find that it takes me a few days.
I can see in the context of other things how it must be annoying though as the common sense comment was really rude and would have put me off sending a gift

Your BIL sounds like a idiot. Don’t bother with him anymore, he clearly doesn’t care.

Think yourself lucky that MIL realised a thank you was appropriate: both my BIL and MIL are clueless about that sort of thing. DNephew's birthday last year: MIL brought him round in the car to collect his gift ... he couldn't be bothered to get out of the car (he was 12). MIL says to me 'just give it to me, I'll give it to him'. No, I bloody won't. If he can't be arsed to get out of the car on our drive to say hello, then I can't be arsed to go upstairs and get his gift. Haven't got him one this year, as haven't heard from him or BIL for over a year.

Just to add context.

My OP re the gift happened a while ago but sparked a family feud which resulted in us no longer talking to my BIL. My DH & I (although realising my BIL is an idiot) sometimes feel we may have over reacted to his behaviour hence why I asked AIBU.

However reading your comments I now feel justified as I have other examples when my BIL has behaved appallingly but can't say without being identified.

Only really talk to my DH & my mum about it so (being new to MN) it's been useful getting other peoples opinions.