DD wants a mastectomy - WWYD?

[IAmIronMum]

I'm a friend of IronMum, posting on her account as I don't have one.

So, as the title says, my daughter wants a mastectomy. She is 17, and has asked if I would be happy for her to have one next year.

She is not transgender. She has a couple of reasons for wanting one:

• She just doesn't like having breasts. Never has done.
• Quite a few female relatives have had breast cancer.
• She plays lots of sports, and they get in the way (large chest).

So it's for preventative and cosmetic purposes. My worries are the cost (although she says she will contribute/pay back anything) and the general risks of surgery. Also the fact that she may regret it (although she's been saying she wants one since 14ish).

Really stuck on what to do/say. Legally she's an adult next year so I can't really prevent her, but I do have some concerns. Can anyone help/offer any advice?

has she had the genetic testing?

My friend has, and would be given the surgery on the nhs.

Well it’s up to her but I wouldn’t find it and I would think she may find it hard for a hospital to agree.

Maybe tell her she has to save to get it done and if she’s still feels the same way then it’s up to her.

Has she been tested for the relevant gene? I'd certainly start by getting that done. Then seeking advice on all options, once the result is known

I hated my boobs and from the age of 12 would have been quite happy to have them removed. It was only from about age 21 that I started to accept them, I'm still not one for flashing my clevage or anything but I wouldn't want to not have them. If they are large would she be happy with just a reduction rather than a mastectomy?

First she needs to get genetic testing and then move on from there. I expect her GP is a very good place to start, and maybe to also seek counselling. I can understand wanting rid of a large chest, but maybe a reduction would be a better option (if she’s negative). I don’t think anyone should have major cosmetic surgery without exploring why first. She is very young to be making such decisions.

Yes first of seek out whether she does have the BRAC gene for cancer.

If she does then I think go ahead if no then I agree with Twunk look at whether a breast reduction may well be the correct way to go

First step though see a medical professional: I think she needs to speak to someone both about testing for the gene, a possible reduction and why she feels like this

She’s still very young. As pps have said, get the genetic testing done first. She may regret the decision in a few years. What about starting a family and breastfeeding? That all seems like a world away to her right now. But she’s possibly going to live possibly for another 80 years. I would encourage a reduction. Not a full mastectomy.

How big are her boobs? Unless for the cancer gene mastectomy is a very radical step - reduction much less so?

I agree with the PPs. If she's having health issues she might be a candidate for a reduction but a double mastectomy seems a bit extreme, especially for a girl so young. I agree she should be tested for the problematic genes. If sports are an issue, she might consider going to a specialty lingerie store and being fitted for a sports bra that fits better. I'm sure this would not be the first time such a thing has happened. Well-fitting bras are especially important for well-endowed women.

The other thing she would need to consider is how her clothes would fit after a double mastectomy. Women's clothes are designed to fit curves. She may actually have more problems finding clothes that fit if she has a double mastectomy.

Many 17 year olds feel self conscious about their boobs. By the time they're older they've got used to them.

BRAC gene aside, big heavy boobs are a pain and that might be an argument for a reduction when she's older. Does she realise that if she had a mastectomy they'd rebuild her breasts - so she'd still have them?

Being 17 she may not have had bfs yet and she may not even have considered the impact surgery would have on her self image and her relationships.

The obvious thing would be to have therapy to explore her feelings about them.

What I mean is that she would have the option to have her breasts rebuilt.

I would offer to go to GP with her to talk about genetic testing as a first step and she can also express her thoughts to them and hear someone else's feedback.

Have you offered her a reduction first?

It's an extreme permanent solution to the reasons she's given. Any good surgeon will insist on counselling first and may well refuse because she is so young. This is a huge risky and invasive operation with likehood of complications and a long recovery.

I think counselling is a must. She needs to explore her first reason "I don't like having breasts" as I suspect this is all tied up in some sort of body dysmorphia?

As mentioned, genetic testing will confirm or invalidate her concerns over hereditary cancer.

The sports issue can be helped with a good sports bra.
Does she wear a minimiser bra at all? You can buy breast binders which may help her for now.

The reasons apart from the breast Ca are irrelevant.
She won't get a cosmetic mastectomy. The idea is abhorrent.
I would expect she would need genetic testing and counselling to get anywhere near one for medical reasons.

I felt the same about mine at that age. Went to three different cosmetic surgeons and none would operate. I am very relieved about it now because I no longer feel the same about my body.

I hated my boobs until I got to mid 20s! I think she needs more time to consider it. Also maybe some therapy, sounds like body dysmorphia.

Also, her sport is clearly very important to her now, but it might not be in the future.
She could also suffer a back or knee injury or have something else prevent her from doing her sport.

It’s very difficult to get genetic testing done, that’s not the fixall here. She needs counselling, to understand her issue with breasts before she does this

www.letsgetchecked.com/gb/en/brca-test/

Maybe mumsnet wisdom might know more about th above if the gp won’t test.

Can she wait a bit? She is still young and maybe hasn’t experienced the “joy” (hmm can’t think of another word!!) of breasts. Or indeed children and breastfeeding are distant thoughts If at all in the picture.

I think you need to sit down and have a talk with her.

A friend of mine had a reduction - could that be possible once the cancer gene ruled out?

But yes if has the gene I can see why it would be considered even at 18. A

I don't think your daughter would find a surgeon prepared to do this surgery for her, unless she has the BRCA gene.

Have your considered that she may have Body dysmorphic disorder?

I also started asking for a hysterectomy at aged 13. I was told they wouldn't consider it until I was 30. I'm now 32 and still have my uterus.

You'll have a job convincing a surgeon to do it unless she's got BRACA 1 or 2.

Surgeons won't want to know - too many cases of schizophrenia patients asking for body parts to be cut off (it's a thing), and other mental illnesses triggering demands for surgical mutilation. Most trans men don't have it done.

I don’t think a 17 year old would easily find a surgeon to do a radical mastectomy to remove all all breast tissue without a genetic test.

What would she think about getting one done?

When I was a child I was horrified at the thought I would one day have boobs. Thank goodness nobody took this seriously in those days.