To want to keep these 2 relationships separate

[CanIhavedessertfirst]

I was brought up with my sister, who has a different dad to me, but I always knew I had a brother out there, who my father had with his second wife. Recently I got in touch with my brother and, after losing my grandparents within a year of each other, it was what I needed. My brother and I have already established a great bond and, though it's still very new, it's also something that has become very important to me. At the same time, I have also got to know my brother's mum and she and I get on well too.

Now, my sister has 2 brothers - her dad's sons with his second wife, as well as 2 step brothers and a step mum from her dad's 3rd marriage.

Aibu to be pissed off that she has added both my brother and his mum on social media (my brother didn't accept as he said, without being rude, she isn't anything to do with him, his mum however did). I feel like this is still new to me and it's not her business. She is the kind of person who - despite being 26 - will meet someone for 2 seconds and add them and invite them for coffee. Normally it doesn't bother me, but in this instance, this is a relationship I wanted for me, I want to get to know my brother and establish the sibling bond I already have with her. I don't have any interest in her other siblings, so I'm puzzled as to why she feels the need to know mine.

Social media isn't real life though is it? If she was trying to actually meet up with them that would be weird but on social media the normal rules don't seem to apply. For example I am Facebook friends with mums from school who I have never even spoken to at the school gate.
(they requested me and I felt it would be rude to not accept as I have no reason not to. )

YANBU for feeling that way, but I think for some people adding friends on FB could be as random as someone they met in a pub once.

Glad things are going well with your extended family

@Fruitcorner123 my brother's mum messaged me after posting this saying my sister wants to tag along next time I see my brother. Annoying not only because of my OP but she went behind my back. I feel like I shouldn't be angry or upset, but I am.

@NeedForBlossom I had looked at my brother's Facebook so many times and not added him, because our dad is a bit of an idiot and I thought he might think I'm the same. It's gone much better than expected. Thank you

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. I've had an issue very similar to this (new family members being too familiar with my closest friends) in the past - it's okay to want a relationship to yourself and to keep things separate but no matter how awkward and uncomfortable it is you must be honest with your sister and tell her how it is. Be firm, stand your ground and do it soon. The quicker it's nipped in the bud the quicker she'll get over it. Good luck xx

I’m confused. Your sister added a complete stranger on FB and told her that she would be insisting on meeting up with her son and their mutual sister next time they went out?

It’s odd but easily dealt with. Just don’t tell her.

I can understand why you would want to keep the relationships separate but I can't understand why you would tell your sister about meeting your brother, when you know how she will behave. Don't tell her when you are planing to meet him again; don't put any information out there on social media, then she can't find out and gate crash your meeting up.

@Copperbonnet that's it in a nutshell, yes. And it is odd. I'm going to message my sister tomorrow and my brother has already told his mum he has no intention of meeting my sister when he and I are still building a relationship.

@DPotter I didn't tell her, but we were both tagged in a bloody meme about siblings by his mum and within seconds she'd added them. I definitely agree that the less people know about our plans the better.

Given her lack of boundaries I might be inclined to limit what she can see on FB.

Deal with her kindly though, you don’t want to throw away one long standing relationship for another.

It sounds like you all had complicated lives as children. She may just want to be close to you (even if she’s going about it the wrong way)

But to be fair you shouldn't have to lie to her and keep perfectly innocent plans secret she should be respecting your boundaries