To feel like I am still not past the birth

[Mayday8]

I still have discomfort and dull pain around emsc site and feel quite vulnerable, like I want to curl up in a ball. Has been almost two years. For some reason memories of the section itself are going around my head tonight and I'm crying, it was so scary and violating. Not sure what to do to feel better? I love my dd so much and feel mostly ok and over the pnd I had, but something isn't right still. Am I alone?

I had a difficult birth with ds 1 and was very ill afterwards although no one realised despite my concerns. It was all ok n the end but it took an awful long time for me to come to terms with and I feel it contributed to my pnd.

It would be worth speaking to a professional about it - im not sure if there is a limit on going through your notes to clarify what happened and why, but certainly talking it over with a counsellor helped me.

I know this doesn't help right now, is there someone with you you could talk to? Hope you get some better replies, just wanted to let you know there is hope.

Of course YANBU, I’m sorry to hear you had such a tough time and I do feel traumatic births are really underplayed in today’s society.

Two things that have really helped me are a debrief ( as the poster above said) and attending an ‘emotional impact of birth’ session. This was sort of like a workshop with an ob/gyn turned counsellor.

It does sort of feel like everyone thinks you are unreasonable to ever think about it when your child is here safely, but if they have not had the same experience they can’t know. You are definitely not alone

Thank you both for your replies, appreciate it as I was feeling quite low last night. I think I need to check i am alright physically, I have a nagging feeling it isn't and the pain is preventing me from moving on. Will think about counselling too. Glad I'm not alone, but sorry you have had similar experiences. It's very hard. I hadnt thought about it before but yes I think you're right, people think just get over it for goodness sake if both you and baby are alive! Thanks again, I find it hard to discuss irl so appreciate you taking the time to reply

You are definitely not being unreasonable. I'm sorry you are feeling like this. PTSD is surprisingly common after giving birth - I had it after my first was born. Do speak to your Gp or health visitor about getting some support, I had some and it really helped with the flashbacks. I also had a birth debrief session with the obstetrician, which really helped too.

People seem to think that just because you've got a healthy baby, nothing else matters - but the ends don't always justify the means.

Did you have any kind of debrief at all following the birth? I struggled after DS1 that was also an emergency and honestly going through my notes afterwards was a huge help. I was that out of it on pain relief at the time, I didn't fully remember and understand what was going on. I also found counseling really helpful.

If you're having pain or discomfort, do speak to your GP to get checked. I've just been diagnosed with serious anemia that I've probably been struggling with since having my youngest 3 years ago

I understand what you say about feeling vulnerable. I'd never been to hospital before I had kids and to suddenly have a major operation was a huge shock for me. I don't think I ever properly 'recovered' from my first pregnancy until I was pregnant with my youngest 18 months after. Going on to have positive experiences with him in birth and early pregnancy really helped me heal emotionally.